"If a skeleton in a robe offers you 'free' anything, Finn, the price is usually your soul or at least your dignity."
I stood in the Grass Lands, arms crossed, watching the Reaper tempt my brothers with a keychain. My Elemental Attunement was picking up a weird, necrotic hum from the portal, but Finn and Jake were already haggling.
"I begrudgingly accept your offer!" Finn shouted.
We stepped through the portal and fell into the Wizard Village. I landed on my feet, while Finn and Jake face-planted into the grass. A host emerged, eventually revealing himself to be a cluster of tadpoles named Bufo.
"To receive Level 1—Dustomancy—you must first eat these brooms," Bufo commanded.
Finn started gnawing on the wood, splinters flying everywhere. Jake simply grew his stomach and swallowed it whole. I looked at the broom in my hand. My Accelerated Learning analyzed the "magic" here it wasn't about the wood; it was about the mental submission to the craft.
I didn't want to eat a cleaning utensil, but to get to the source of the magic, I had to play along. I focused on my Magic Resistance, using it to coat my throat so the splinters slid down like silk. Gulp. A star appeared on my cloak.
"Whoa, Kael did it too!" Finn yelled, his tongue covered in splinters.
We raced through the ranks. While Finn and Jake were distracted by the "coolness" of the powers, I was studying the flow of energy in the Grand Hall. We balanced pencils, spun coins, and created endless supplies of mayonnaise. Finn got the Vorpal Hand. Jake got the Beauteous Wings. I felt my own power peaking, my Resistance absorbing the ambient magical waste produced by the other students.
By the time we reached Level 31, Finn and Jake were shooting fireworks into the sky.
"All we're missing now is the big star!" Finn shouted.
"Nah, I'm good," Jake yawned, hitting himself with a sleep spell.
Finn was determined. Despite my warnings, he grabbed Bufo's hand to take the "Pledge of Ultimate Responsibility." A glorious light filled the room, and suddenly Finn was being pulled into the air by cables.
"My big star!! Yes!! Wait, where am I?" Finn yelled.
I looked at the viewing globe. An asteroid was heading for the temple. The "Ultimate Wizards" weren't heroes; they were batteries, trapped in harnesses for life to keep the rock away.
"This is what you signed up for, Finn!" Bufo cackled as he released the elder Jeremy. "I'm out!"
"You tricked him!" I roared, my Elemental Attunement flaring as I felt the crushing weight of the asteroid approaching.
"There's gotta be a better way!" Finn yelled from the harness.
One of the old wizards, inspired by Finn's "younger idea," unhooked himself. "Youth culture forever!"
"If you all leave, the village is toast!" I shouted, stepping toward the center of the hall. I didn't have a harness, but I had Magic Resistance and the Vorpal Hand. I slammed my hands into the scale-model orb.
The feedback was immense a torrent of raw magical energy that would have fried a normal human. But my body acted like a lightning rod, grounding the power and funneling it back into the defense field.
"Finn! Jake! Help me shift it!"
Finn activated his Ultimate Wizardry. "Dragon Eyes! Tiger Claw! Vorpal Hand! Blazing Feet! Beauteous Wings!"
Jake, still asleep, reflected a spell that brought a rock to life. The Old Wizards realized we weren't staying to be batteries—we were moving the whole target. Together, we combined our magics. I felt the element of the Earth shifting under my palms as we heaved the entire village out of the asteroid's path.
The explosion of the asteroid landing stripped our wizard robes right off. We stood in the crater, naked and covered in dust.
"Whoo-hoo! Nice job!" Finn cheered.
Bufo sat on the ground, crying that his life was over. I walked over, still soot-stained, and looked down at him. "Chill, man. You don't have to quit your job. Just don't take credit for ideas that aren't yours."
As we walked back through the Grass Lands, the Reaper appeared again.
"Hey, naked kids... you want some free... Demon heart?"
Finn's eyes lit up. "Aw, ha ha ha haw, yeah!"
I grabbed the back of Finn's neck and kept walking. "No, Finn. We're going home. We've had enough 'free' magic for one day."
Next chapter in Jun 5-6