It was the last full day of camp and as much as I didn't want to go home, I wanted to get back to my old life. Summer camps like this have always been my escape. A world that you can enter without anything from my past coming and changing peoples views on me. I thought I liked Alex but once Izzy told me she had this unwavering love for him I realized that even if I did have some kind of future with him wouldn't last when I got home. My little crush seemed like just a way to forget Hayden but at the end of this I didn't really think I wanted either. I just wanted a fresh start. Maybe as I got older and I would leave these childish notions behind I would slowly lose the memories I had of him and he would just become a name in my diary with no picture in my brain. Everyone always told me I would forget things that happened as I got older and I can't wait to be in that point of my life.
Most of the chatter in the morning was about the banquet. Lots of girls were more focused on how good they were going to look and who they wanted to dance with. I only cared about getting through these last hours and going home to see my family. Brookie was especially crazy today but I loved it. We all got dressed and ready for flag raising and our theme song. Most of the morning went by like a blur. I was there physically but not mentally. Time flew as we had an agriculture session, learning about animals and how to organize money, so that each group's farm would be able to flourish. After that we wrote letters to our future selves. My letter was filled with all the events that I wanted to remember, all the events that helped me grow and the friends that I made in the short time and have come very attached to. I wanted to be able to show my future children all the little things I thought was going to ruin my life. Mainly the girl I was so I could turn into the girl I am in the future.
We had a committee meeting after which I spent the entire time walking around looking everyone I had become so close with. Even if it had only been a week it still meant the world to me. I had spent lots of time making the slide show and editing it after taking all the photos. It was like my little digital baby that was coming to life. Every child would receive the slideshow on a stick so that we could watch it every time that we missed our friends, or wanted to be nostalgic. The huge bell rang and we all went to the pavilion for lunch. Then it was time for the suspenseful kickball game penguins vs the bears. No matter where I was I still had a burning hatred for kickball and I would never play it so I sat at the end of a log with Kayla, Jory, Brookie and some other girls I wasn't as close with. I didn't want to be the center of attention because I knew that when it came down to it I would mess up again and let people down. We made up silly rhymes I will never remember and a bunch of random songs just to sing but I wouldn't have traded it for a million wishes. Like always moments have to end and we arrived back in the Seminar and the last of the warm fuzzies were given out.
The councilors cut us loose to get ready for the banquet after that and gave us the rest of the afternoon to get ready. Instead of getting ready at the beginning I spent some time in my bunk bed sleeping. I understood that some people wanted to have six hours to get ready but at most I would need only an hour to get ready. After an hour and a half Brooklynn woke me up and I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't look too bad besides the messy hair and smudged mascara, I made quick work taking all of my makeup off and then getting my brush so that I could brush my hair. After a couple of minutes I put on mascara, eyeliner, eyeshadow, lip gloss and cover up, so all I had left to do was put on my dress and shoes. I looked around and saw most girls still trying to perfect their hair in a robe and makeup surrounding their bodies and rolled my eyes. It was just a dance at a camp and honestly we won't be thinking about this dance in a month after it's over so why were they putting so much effort into something that didn't deserve it. It was shocking to me that the littlest things meant so much to so many people. I wasn't even sure that I would be coming back next year, or see the same people ever again.
After all the girls in my cabin friend group were ready to go outside we headed out to hang out with the rest of camp that was done. Honestly everything was a blur of the most random events. With all the drama that had happened with Bella and Alex it took everything in me to hold it together. I cared about them both but I was not willing to compromise my feelings for people that wouldn't be apart of my life after today. If she wanted him so bad she could have him. It wasn't all bad though. I had an amazing time with the rest of my friends and danced to my hearts content with Austin. The amount of candy and sugar that was in my blood stream could have been criminal and it would lead to worse mistakes in my future.
The end of the night was magical and made it even more emotional since every one was going to find out who their secret friend was. Every gift that I got was great but I could tell it was someone who didn't know much about me. Definitely a girl with an artistic and creative side but besides that there were no other clues. The process would start where a counselor would pick a person and light their candle. Afterwards that person would walk around the circle that we made until they reached the person that they were the secret friend for. This would go on until everyone knew who their secret friend was or until it got to the person who started the circle. Then it would go to the person beside them to start the cycle again. My secret friend was Sabine. She was a quiet girl that I shared my cabin with. It made a decent amount of sense because we had never talked so she wouldn't know a lot about me and I wouldn't know a lot about her. Not just because she was shy but also because I would not put myself out their to talk to people. Most of the time a very loud outgoing person would latch themselves onto me and then I could stick with them to create my friend group. All in all Sabine was a very polite and decent girl. I wish that I would have made an effort to get to know her better instead of surrounding myself with the drama that I did.
After everyone headed back to their cabins to get ready for their last night together. Everything was already packed into my bags so I wouldn't have to do anything but wake up and get ready for the day. Jory had a hard time calming herself down after eating as much sugar as she did. She even almost got us in trouble for being too loud walking to the bathroom. After a while though things calmed down and she even went to sleep. I on the other hand still couldn't calm my mind. My mother always said that when I was excited about something or stressed, it would effect my sleeping. Every Christmas I would be awake for the entire night just hoping that my parents would wake up earlier then normal so that I could open my presents. I just couldn't tell if I was excited to go home or sad. Yes I wanted to see my parents and sister because I missed them, but also I didn't want this week to be over. I loved making new friends and exercising the independence that I don't have at home, but everything is simpler at home. Every question that comes into my mind is answered. The last thing that came into my mind was Hayden. He lived by me and played at the playground right across from my house. He was friends with the two boys that lived beside me. My favorite neighbors. It had only been a week but I felt like I was years older. Did that mean I had found all the answers I was looking for? Would I be the same person my friends at home knew or would I be something completely different? I guess only time would tell.