No Plan Survives
No plan, no matter how great, can survive a battle. Some smart git said that once. Not gonna argue with that. In some cases, even a Boss's plan can fail. Even more so when you're Da Boss of an Ork warband.
And you're attacking a besieged planet.
And your plan was… complicated. Or maybe complicatingly simple? Eeeh… ya git, ya know who we're talking about.
Ya see, when da Boyz started droppin' down in their trucks, all was goin' fine—right up until the dakka from the ground started dakka'ing back from the biggest tower.
Three trucks got properly dakkied, while the rest decided to "speed up" the landing process. Drivers gunned their engines mid-drop and cut the chutes. The Speed Freek trukk did it first, and the rest followed like proper Boyz..
Aiming for da biggest tower, all the trucks "gently"—very gently—parked themselves inside the structure. From the 100th floor all the way up to the 10,000th.
Da Boss, of course, landed on the toppest floor, closest to DA BIG DAKKAS, and immediately started smashing his way toward them. Zorko followed behind—but at a safe distance of a few hundred meters. Just enough not to get caught in the crossfire.
Yodark teleported straight to the top and started blasting.
Into the air.
Into the ground.
Into another tower.
He wasn't aiming. He was just… blasting. Because blastin' is good.
Mekboyz Mr. Nutthead and Graxmek, on the other hand, headed downward, drawn by the familiar hum of a power generator. The sound annoyed them. To their expert Mek knowledge, a quiet engine was a bad engine.
So clearly, something needed fixing. Or improving. Or exploding.
Doc Kidler? Well… he was being a doc.
He found a bar full of umies in fancy clothes, guarding a very respectable stash of booze. Unfortunately for them, they were also guarded by some of the dakkiest umies he'd ever seen.
His diagnosis was immediate:
"Severe case of inchoppotency… wiv additional dakka dysfunction."
Treatment?
"Physiotherapy. A`la BOSS."
His grot assistants—and every nearby Ork—immediately joined in, just in case they got "prescribed" something. Not that it helped. All of them Got treatment, and plenty still got dakkied by flashy umie guns.
Still, overall? A great success.
Opening losses: only about 25%.
As some would say: Deef Star—we have no problems.
The real problems, however, had the umies and Tau inside the tower.
They hadn't expected Orks to start dropping out of the sky in trucks. And worse—the Orks weren't here to talk. No diplomacy. No negotiations.
Anything blue got smashed.
But the biggest problem belonged to the Tau commander overseeing the anti-air batteries.
Because suddenly, a very large Ork burst through the floor and started smashing everything in sight, while green lightning rained around him. Some of the commander's soldiers were even turned into… strange, two-legged blobs with teef.
That was new.
Deciding to rely on mobility and superior Tau doctrine, the commander activated his Crisis Suit and lifted into the air, peppering the enemy with fire. Space was tight, so he couldn't use his heavy weapons—only lighter armaments.
Still, they packed a punch. Equivalent to standard human rounds, with occasional precision bursts hitting much harder.
Da Boss, however, found this deeply insulting.
He'd faced worse. Even old ballistae were more threatening (back when he was smaller—Ork logic, ya git).
So he grabbed a Big Dakka, hefted it, and started hip-firing at the flying Tau.
Now listen 'ere, ya git—ya know them umie floaty boats with penguings with the spinny six-barrel dongs? The ones they love so much?
Yeah. That. That's what he was using. The umies got some weird name for it. Orks just call it DAKKA.
The Tau commander, confident in his training and superior technology, dodged the incoming fire. His systems tracked every round.
The Ork, meanwhile, fired wildly. No aiming. No pattern.
Just dakka.
The commander calculated the ammo count. Estimated depletion. Predicted the exact moment the Ork would run dry.
Da Boss grinned. He was enjoying da dakka.
When the ammo should have run out—he charged in his Crysis suit, marvel of Tau technology.
But the gun didn't stop. The barrels glowed red… then brighter… then faster. The hotter it got, the faster it fired. Da Boss laughed.
"Stoopid Tau… stoopid tech…"