I remember the first day he tried touching me like it was yesterday . He was in a good mood that day and he came where I was seated and just started tickling me which was wierd for him.
This was someone I barely talked to and he was laughing with me. I was very uncomfortable but couldn't fo nothing.
I could smell the alcohol I hisa beard and I k ow how violent he got while he was drunk so I didn't fight him I just sat there and pretended to laugh with him.
His hand reached for my pants and he grabbed my crotch. I gasped by this sudden touch and he stopped . He played it off like it was nothing .
I k ew deep down it wasn't a mistake but I was too afraid to accept that this man who I supposedly called my father has tried touching me.
It kept on happening time and time again hut as always I assumed it was a mistake and brushed it off.
I never had friends growing up so all i did was play video games in yhe house. Most nights I would end up sleeping on the couch playing.
I remember a cold hand caressing my chest and at first I thought I was dreaming . I was a heavy sleepy so I was hard for me to feel any touch.
I could feel the cold hands going down my body and no matter how hard I tried convincing myself that it was a dream something just didn't feel right .
I startled fr my sleep and there he was . Cradling me in his arms like I was a child . My pants were down my manhood exposed and I could see his smirk as he looked down at it
I frozs in that moment cause there was no way it was real . I tried to get away from his hands but his grip tightened on me and one of his hands covers my mouth .
I could feel a lump I the back of throat and I k ow tears wee about to start flowing next. There was no way this was my life .
The tears escaped my eyes and i could see him get angry . I was read for him to strike me and I waited for the slap but it never landed .
He let go of me and I feel to the floor. Crotched my knees up to cover my nakedness but he was quick to remi d me who had the power .
"Dtop being a sissy and wipe those tears ",he said angrily ans I quickly wiped the tears bit I couldn't stop myself from crying.
In that moment I wlndered why my mother had chosen this monster .
Did she ever think that he touched children ?
I couldn't understand why it had to be him. There were any men out there and this was the one she chose?
"Get on your knees and be a good boy",he said getting me away from my throats .
In that moment I felt like dying . Tears started flowing uncontrollably from my eyes . I couldn't fo it . I fidnt want hom to touch me.
He stood up and came to where I was and held me by my neck.
"Didnt you hear what I said boy?",he asked as his other hand unbuckled his belt .
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Life started being meaningless.
I was more sad ,more rude and more unhappy . For some reason my mother noticed how unhappy I was .
Sh didn't notice that I had started spending less time at home. Every opportunity I got to live home I always took it .
I never wanted to b home. Home wa no longer a safe space to me. It had turned to be a place why a demon I hated the most made my life a living hell.
A demon that wanted to torture me time and time again until it git it's fix.
A demon that enjoyed tp see the look of fear in my eyes everytime it looked my way.
Day by day I got depressed.
I prayed every single day for something to happen to him. I wished diseases upon him. I wished accidents upon him but nothing seemed to happen .
I wo dered why God would let me suffer . I wondered if he was even real because if he was then why would he watch all this happening to me.
I wanted to die .
If I find then all the pain would stop. Maybe then I would get peace that I never got growing up.
I couldn't even remember a time that I had genuinely been happy . My mind was just filled with all the bad things that hard happened to me.
At night I cried myself to sleep everynight dreading seeing him in my room. He hated the look of disgust on my face everytime I saw him to the point where it turned into a punishment kink.
If I didn't silent when he snuck into my bed then he would punish me . It was to teach me a lesson he said .
He had gotten meaner and meaner to my kom too. They fought more she ran away came back and the cycle just kept going.
Everybody knew us . Everybody knew how violent my father was .
I was so ashamed of the things that went on I our house that I kissed out on every experience . Everytime someone talked me I just assumed they were talking to me because they felt sorry for me.
I couldn't count the amount if times the cops had come to save my mother. He surely wanted her dead and I couldn't see why she didn't see that .
I couldn't understand why she came back time and time again because if she kft then he qould stop touching me too.
He would make me to take of all of my clothes and make me walk on my k ews when I didn't do what he said and I hated him even more.
I hated him so much to the point I vo sidered poisoning him myself.
I.qas sure God would have forgiven me for that sin.
He was not a good person. He had made our life a living hell. My mother was a respected person and he had turned her to be the talk of town.
The lady who was being bitten up by her husband and still kept going back.
I couldn't understand why God let him live with all the terrible things he did. How could he be that forgiving?
Somebody who cared would never watch us suffer that much and do nothing .
I was tired of waiting on h to fo something. I was tired of praying even single night for aairacle that was probably never gonna happen.
If he could get away with all he did to us then I would surely get away with taking his life.
Sin is a sin.