All I remember was always bring empty.
I couldn't remember a to.e in my life why I ever felt truly happy . It seemed like ecerutime o was happy sadness lurked behind me .
Something bad always happened and I had gotten accustomed yo it . I was used to tragedy and I know that was sad but it was my life I was living it and was okay with it .
Did I want to be happy? Ofcourse,everyone wanted to be happy but yhe choices of people closest to me would never allow me to experience that .
It was very hard for me to make friend since I was a tiddler. We never stayed in one place for long so st a certain point I had just gotten a hang of it .
It didn't matter I I made any friend I knew we would move and I would start afresh again do I never bothered .
The situation at home always made it worse. I couldn't explain it I just knew that was not how life was supposed to be .
I always wanted my mother to choose me but that was never going to happen. It broke my heart time and time again. That was not something a child gets used to . At dome point you think they would choose you .
She was young and wanted to feel loved hut I felt like I needed tp come first .
I don't know when it happened but it reached a point where I just didn't care anymore. It finally hit me that she was never gonna choose me and that was my first heartbreak .
Why didn't she love me enough to do what was good for me?
I was do sad and no one ever noticed. I was so alone .
I remember the first ti.e I ran away I was barely seven years . I had thought you know I was gonna live with her for the first time but that wasn't it .
Like always she took me and dumped me with some relatives i didt even know. They treated m do horribly I cried everyday hoping she would come for me but she never came .
I needed love and never got it so I ran away . I never love her either I came to realise . I used to feel so guilty about it but then I realised it was hard to love someone who always chose men over you time and time again.
I was loved by other people truly but it didn't matter to me i just wanted her to love me.
I couldn't understand how you could give birth to a child and ignore her whole existence. How you would let other people raise her and give her the love he wanted to get from you ?
I had been molested and she didn't even know . People told their parents things like those and I couldn't. How could i when she fidnt even understand me?
The world was do cruel to ke and the only person who could give me solace was like a stranger to me. I couldn't tell them what was bothering me because at the back of my mind I didn't think they loved me enough to help I whatever way the could .
For a child that was such a sad reality to find out. You end up being an angry child because at the end of the day nobody cares enough . Nobody cares enough to ask if things ar okay.
I was convinced she would always take the sife of the perpetrator over mine. Did it hurt ? Yes . Eventually I got accustomed to it I didn't care anymore.
I want so much for them to acknowledge . To show me a little love. To fix me but deep down I knew it was never going to happen .
I could still remember when it just me and her . The fee happy days I cherished forever .
I believe that there qaa a time where she genuinely loved me. It wasn't many days buy she did at some point she did before they broke her .
A broken person wouldany ve able to live someone else . They barely lived themselves how would they possible love you .
I wanted her to be happy .
Every child always wants their parents to be happy. I wanted yer to choose herself so many times but it never happened .
It was like she was so broken to the point she thought she didnt deserve anything good. It was sad seeing her loose herself over the years and their as nothing I could do about it just wait .
I didn't know what I was waiting for . My heart broke everytime she was hurt. Always wondering why she didn't live herself .
I always wondered when she was gonna choose us again. But things would never go back o the way they used to be hands tha was the sad part about life.
Everytime something bad happened she would come to me tell me that she regretted choosing that man and I would be happy . I would think yeah she is gonna leave him,it never happened .
She was weak and I hated her fir that . I hated that she never stood up gir herself . She always had excuses everytime and now that am older i realised she never wanted to leave.
She thought she would fix this terrible men in he life . She genuinely thought that eventually they would realise how amazing she was and they would change .
Tha eventually they would realise she was a great wife and they would suddenly turn into dutiful husbands. They would suddenly give her the world.
That was not how it worked with men though right?
They didn't care if you were s treat woman or a terrible woman. Men woulf slats fo what worked in their favourite and if you were dumb enough to excuse their behaviour then that was your fault.
It didn't matter if you were understanding,beautiful or caring if they didn't care about you nothing would change that .
She wasted her whole life chasing for live from men who would have traded her fir a beer and that is why I hated being weak .
I hated people who wouldn't choose themselves. People wholsyed their and git stomped on time and time again and kept firviving those who hurt them.
There was no trophy for being an understanding person . There was no man to win at the end of a terrible marriage that can almost end you and your kids just graves.