Imagine living your life like this, enjoying ur time everyday and having fun, yet every fucking day you're in a bad mood. U didn't get it yet? U probably need ti read about bipolarity, i'll try tho to explain it a little bit; u start ur day with a bad mood, for normal people they'll gain their energy back,maybe after breakfast or their coffee or maybe their cigarette, each one of us have his own way, but they get a good mood after that, for me(or people like me) we keep that bad mood for a long time and maybe for days. Can u lmagine living this way your whole life, well i don't really know how old are u now, but i'll give u one year like this and trust me u'll get some suicidale thoughts, maybe u can resist a month but more than that it's really haed otherwise you're gonna go see a shrink.
Well my friend trust me this is my life for more thab 10 years when i started realizing it, now i guess you understand what's the text about, so i'll try to make it as short as i can. Once u start realizing this fact in and accepting it, u start becoming and outsider in every group even if they're your friends, imagine you're in a club and everyone is having fun including you, yet you still have that bad mood(i'm actually describing myself at the exact moment i'm writing this), it's like i'm happy and i'm enjoying my time and having fun yet there is this bad mood or a bad energy i don't know what to call it exactly but i think you got the idea, i'm not saying this to say i'm unique or i'm the only one having this feeling, there is more than 30% of people around the world living this way, the only difference is that i can write it down to take it out of my chest since i'm a fucking introvert person and i only blame myself for this of course, i really have no one to put the blame on for this situation, actually i'm not the kind of persone who puts the blame on others everytime i get in a trubble or i feel bad, yet sometimes i do it but i prove it because it's real, u can't keep it for a long time, even while i'm writing this i'm knowing more than anyone that this is the maximum of my resistance, i told you before to try it for a month, imagine taking it for 24years and realizing it for 15years i guess, it's really hard even if i don't admit it and i show people that i'm cool with my life, haha even my ex and my actual girlfriend think that i'm always having fun and enjoying everyday in my life, but trust me all of you, i am living with this, maybe problem or lifestyle, situation that's written for me, and this shit takes to start having my, maybe, wrong ideas about the existance of a God, because why would u create someone/something knowing what he's gonna go throught, it's like being sadistic; like if he created us just to enjoy watching us struggling with life and going throught trubbles and getting out of them, i think it's not right even if i do have fun when i'm torturing someone. But i really know they feel bad about it yet i can't really stop myself while doing that, i know i'm writing every detail now and i'm making this taller than i said but trust me i'm trying my best to make it short, there is even a part of people who are going to have fun reading this, others will understand the feeling and others will just feel blue after reading this, but i'm writing this for those who'll understand this, i really don't know what to write more than what i wrote till now but i still feel like i need to write more than this, so if u excuse me i'm gonna bother u more than this haha, can u imagine to be surrounded by girls and boys of course, and all of them are having fun but u, since you have so many things u're thinking of, for one, the money that u don't have and need it yet no one can lend u because everyone is broke, i'm not judging u guys i really understand how u feel when i ask each one of u but i really ask u guys because i know u won't let me down. Now i'm really feeling out of words so i'l gonna leave it here till i get more to say, i wish someday i'll write something fun or at least amuzing for u my dear reader . For now i'll say fare well fellas and thanks for everything you have done for me even if u did nothing i count it like u did something great.