"Time passes very quickly when you're distracted."
In the darkness of that room, the place where he was summoned, was Toru. He was sitting on the floor and seemed to be talking to himself.
[A simple distraction is not enough to ignore what you really are].
That woman's voice inside his head.
From one moment to the next Toru found himself sitting in the blood of that place full of souls. In front of him, Biserka was looking at him with a pleased smile.
[It's funny to see you do the same thing I once did to you]
Toru sighed wearily. "You don't understand or know anything. I don't even understand why I'm talking to you. Just shut up, it's not that hard."
[Even if you make me shut up, nothing will change in you.]
"Hm... you talk too much."
Toru opened his eyes. He suddenly felt something soft under his head.
"Gray."
It was her, looking down at him from above as if it wasn't mere chance.
"What are you doing here? I told you I wanted to rest when we arrived."
She nodded her head.
"You disappeared suddenly after you said that. I wanted to know if something was wrong with you. When I came in here, I found you lying on the ground, I thought maybe you were like that because you were lacking mana, but I see that's not the case."
"I see... I was meditating. I fell asleep halfway through."
'Toru has been meditating a lot lately, what's the reason for that?'
An hour ago, when Gray parted from Toru, she felt an emptiness beside her. She looked down at the hand she held Toru with and all she could think of was to come and find him. When she found him, she timidly approached him. At first she was scared because she thought Toru was sick or something, but after seeing that Toru was fine, she stayed with him.
'I felt something warm...'
It was already weird in itself that he hadn't noticed her presence, but Gray didn't take that into account.
'He looked so helpless...', Gray had no choice but to make Toru feel more comfortable.
She touched Toru's hair on many occasions as her face turned red with embarrassment. Watching him sleep like that made Gray feel a peace and warmth she never felt before.
'What's happening to me?'
It was about that feeling she had been so afraid of all her life.
"Thanks, I guess, for not leaving me lying on the floor", Toru sat down in front of Gray and looked into her eyes. "Looks like it's a little late already, isn't Sensei coming home today?"
That's right. She didn't know anything. Most likely her mentor already arrived and she didn't notice because she was so distracted playing with Toru's hair.
"Maybe he's already arrived. If my mentor hasn't arrived yet, he probably left a voicemail. I'll go check."
She got up from the floor and left the basement right away. As she walked quickly, she took the time to admit that everything she did today was very embarrassing. She patted her face twice to collect herself because what she feels deep down in her heart has her very confused. Even though it's obvious what she feels, even Gray knows what it's about, but all that loneliness she felt in the past makes her think she doesn't feel that way.
Still...
'Feeling this way... feeling all this confusion... Even though it's painful... it's also so warm...'
That's how strange it is to be in love....
But putting that aside, as Gray reached the lobby, she noticed that no one was there. She didn't even hear anything inside her mentor's office, so it was obvious that the Lord hasn't returned.
"The phone...", she approached the table where the phone and voice recorder were located. "The little light is glowing...", that meant there was a voice mail.
When she pressed the button to play the mail, her mentor's voice spoke.
[Ah... Lady, I won't be coming home today. I have some business to attend to for the Clock Tower. If I need you I will send you another mail. Maybe I'll be back in two or three days. Oh- Hey! Give me that!]
It sounded like someone took the phone away from Waver. Then Reines' voice was heard.
[Hey, Gray! I'll make this self-centered big brother suffer! You enjoy your moment alone with Assassin]
The voicemail ended there.
'I figured...'
Her mentor won't be around for the next few days... Gray looked at the conventional phone thinking about how now she and Assassin will be alone in the same house.
"Then he won't be coming..." said Toru's sudden voice behind Gray.
She was startled by how invisible Toru's presence was. Gray turned around looking at Toru sitting on the couch with a glass of liquor in his hand.
"It seems that, when you work for the Clock Tower, you can't take a vacation."
It certainly is a truism of the Lords of the Clock Tower and magi in general.
"He is a person who works hard to fulfill what he longs for most."
Toru looked at Gray. "Just like any normal person."
"Normal?"
The Assassin just nodded and Gray thought about that. If Toru didn't have a wish to fulfill, that meant he didn't consider himself to be among normal people. Ironic. But that also gave Gray a lot of ideas.
She then walked over to the couch and sat down next to Toru. They weren't close enough to feel uncomfortable, but they weren't far enough away to feel indifferent either.
Gray watched as Toru drank the liquor in silence, staring into nothingness as if nothing but him and the crystal goblet existed in this world.
The silence that followed the moment was eerie. Being alone in this house, Gray didn't know how to interact with Toru. While they had a very romantic moment at that spot a few hours ago, now everything had become more lonely and silent.
...
"I used to play the piano."
Gray raised her eyebrows, confused. 'It's like he could read my mind', because in quiet moments like these Toru always talked about something so he wouldn't be silent.
"I learned to play a lot of sheet music. Even with the passing of the years, I still remember every single melody I studied. Those melodies are kept deep in my memories and in my heart. Now I ask you: is there an instrument you know how to play or at least an instrument you like, no matter if you don't know how to play it?"
Toru's eyes showed a small glint of curiosity. Gray was captivated by that and decided to answer with whatever came to mind.
"I think... I like the way acoustic guitar sounds."
Toru smiled slightly. "Me too. A perfectly tuned guitar can create art, don't you think?"
-By Gray-
We talked about music for a whole hour. Toru knew too much about that subject. There were times when he explained to me how sound and reverb works.
I... I pretended to be interested in all that because at that moment I was watching something that made my chest hurt. It wasn't a bad pain, it was something stranger.
Asahi Toru is a beautiful person, or so I thought when I saw him talking so animatedly about those things. His face didn't show such a prominent smile, moreover, that smile was just something small that you can't see with the naked eye, but somehow I can tell just by being close to him.
'He talks a lot when there is something he is interested in'.
It's like watching an excited kid talking about his favorite tv show. In this case, Toru was a very tall kid holding a cup full of liquor. Maybe that was why he was talking to me so much.
During the events in Iselma, I could see that alcohol affects Toru quite a bit. It's as if his personality is completely reversed.
"So, the mechanical waves-", that was his voice, as soft as ever, but with a touch of cheerfulness.
I listened to him intently. I nodded my head and was amazed at the amount of knowledge he has. But more than that, what I couldn't help but notice was Toru's appearance.
"Between twenty and twenty thousand hertz-"
What's happening to me...? I don't understand...
Every time I look at him I can only think of being next to him. Even though I'm so embarrassed, despite that, I can't stop remembering the moments I had together with him. Every time our lips touched....
I want to do it again...
I want to sink into that feeling one more time....
I want to feel Toru's hands, his warmth, his breath and me....
I...
I don't want to be alone...
"I think my head hurts...", Toru said. That brought me back to reality after thinking such unpleasant thoughts.
I looked at the bottle on the table and realized that that bottle had become four bottles in all this time. Noticing this, I noticed that Toru's pale skin was a little flushed and that his gaze was softer and more helpless than usual. Toru was touching his head in pain.
"I think you drank too much", I said.
"Yeah... I think so too...", his voice sounded defeated.
It saddens me to know that this conversation was only because this guy seems to have a drinking problem. Come to think of it, the day I met Toru, he was drinking my mentor's vodka. I was really surprised that day and my fear of ghosts prevented me from even standing in front of him.
Now everything is different...
I put my hand on Toru's back and gently patted him hoping that might soothe him a little. That obviously wasn't going to work though.
"Maybe you should rest for today."
"We spirits don't need to eat or sleep. I can survive on mana alone, so I don't need to rest."
"But you're not feeling well."
Toru let out a short laugh. "I'm never well, but that's okay", a calm smile formed on his face. He leaned his back against the couch and looked up at the ceiling. "If I stay like this I'll get back to normal. No need to worry about that."
This kid... even in that state is extremely stubborn.
"So I'll stay here for a while longer."
I sighed defeatedly and did the same as Toru. I leaned back against the backrest of the sofa and looked up at the ceiling. My shoulder was touching Toru's shoulder, so I could feel the warmth of his body.
I had nothing to do other than stare at the ceiling silently so I secretly looked at Toru. I smiled a little when I saw that his eyes were closed.
"Again...", I whispered. Toru again had fallen asleep.
I don't know what kind of thoughts are in Toru's mind. We don't know each other, really. But even as strangers we are sitting next to each other, sharing a solitary moment....
I reached out my hand and touched Toru's hair. His hair was soft, but it was also very unkempt. When I felt his hair run through my fingers, I noticed that all that long hair was tangled. With that I could understand that Toru doesn't pay much attention to his appearance.
"Your skin is a little rough...", I whispered. I ran my finger along Toru's ear and then placed my palm on his cheek.
His skin was warm. It made me feel calm...
"Your hands are so battered..."
I don't know what I'm doing. I just let myself go. I intertwined my fingers with Toru's and held his hand.
I closed my eyes and thought... I remembered a lot about myself. I reflected on everything I've been doing so far.
Appearance is just a shell for a human being... That's what he told me. Though somehow I feel like I can't trust those words. I think I will continue to think that way, always. Maybe that's something about me that I can't change anymore.
That's why I'm here, holding this ghost's lonely hand. I feel close to him. I feel like I can sometimes understand how he feels, even if it leads to even more confusion.
I opened my eyes again. I looked at Toru again. I held on to Toru's hand again.
'I think I'm starting to depend on you too much...'
That's very selfish of me. I can't make one person be by my side all the time, but...
I moved closer to Toru's face. I stared at him and tried to kiss him again....
When I felt a couple of tears running down my cheeks I understood that I was taking advantage of a helpless person. And I understood that I'm not the one crying.
"You let your guard down, Asahi Toru...", I touched my forehead with Toru's. I felt his emotions. I felt our hearts joined together.
Ah...
Feeling this way was always going to be painful....
***
Gray was always such a lonely and depressive girl. This is really not her fault, but the conditions she lived in all her life. It was ten years of loneliness for an innocent country girl, so it would be impossible for her not to end up with a wounded heart.
She is simply a little girl in need of love....
Ironically, even though Toru doesn't show her a shred of love, Gray feels that she can love and be loved despite her tragic fate, and that person who can love her is now sitting by her side.
'Feeling so attached to a person I barely know...how pathetic of me...'
At the end of it all, that's what love is all about. Gray is already beginning to understand how it feels.
So, for now, Gray wiped away her tears and snuggled into Toru's side. She closed her eyes and breathed calmly.
After a few minutes, Gray fell asleep.
To be continued...