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Disclaimer: If you recognise it, surprise, I don't own it.
Chapter 130- Get Him To The Three Broomsticks.
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"So, what are we doing here?"
"I told you, I'm bored," I replied, sitting at my corner booth and taking a sip of my butterbeer while watching Madam Rosmerta cleaning dishes behind the bar.
"So, we are not just here so you can watch Madam Rosmerta's ass and chest jiggle while she cleans the dishes that you keep making dirty," Andromeda replies, biting the roast potato off her fork, and looking at me with exasperation in her eyes.
"Hey, I'm not responsible for all of the dirty dishes, am I? This is a whole establishment, and I am just one customer." I say, not looking at her and continuing to watch Madam Rosmerta, and it's not like the woman doesn't know what's going on, she's happy to exaggeratedly shake her assets and keep giving me flirty looks as long as I keep paying.
"We are literally the only people here. Nobody else is stupid enough to visit Hogsmeade with all of the Dementors all over the place, you fool." Andromeda badgers me, now biting on a piece of sausage that makes me glance over briefly, due to the inherent eroticism that commences anytime a lady interacts with a sausage. Then it's back to the bountiful hills.
"Oh, keep talking dirty to me, Andy," She sighs, knowing her words will never get through to me. "But back to my point. Exactly. Me and you, you are responsible for some of those dirty dishes, too. I bet you want to see her shake those buns, just as much as I do." She growls at me, literally growls.
"I had two glasses of butterbeer, not the ten you have had or the five different meals you've eaten." She says, but there's no heat in her tone; it faded out pretty quickly. She knows it won't work, but she still has to do it, because then what kind of relationship would we have then? She needs to be the dutiful, ever-suffering subordinate, and I need to be the immature and flighty boss. It's what works.
"Ah, ah, ah. That's dirty dishes, you can't deny it. You want to gaze upon the bountiful mountains just like me." I say, but I don't go further when she doesn't respond, and go back to watching. I do check on her just to make sure she didn't just leave, but she's still there, and she's a little confused and flushed, and I catch her sneaking glimpses at Madam Rosmerta when she thinks I'm not looking. Interesting, but not as interesting as the barmaid who is now on her hands and knees, scrubbing the floor with her hands, her big ass waving in the air.
Who the hell doesn't love customer service when it comes in such a fine package?
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"It has been two hours. Can we go?" She asks again for the third time, and again, I know she already knows the answer.
"You could have left at any time, Andromeda," I remind her, like I have done every single time she has asked, because this question and answer have never changed.
"Yes, but then how could I be sure you won't get into trouble and cause problems for the company?" It is always her response, and the first time I believed, but now that this is the third time, it feels a little disingenuous. She could've surely found another way to keep me out of trouble rather than keeping a constant eye on me.
"That sounds like an excuse to stick close to me," I say, changing the already set pattern, to which she sputters, not knowing how to respond. I glance amusedly at her. She had changed in the time I went to Italy. I don't know if it was distance or space, or if it was something that had happened while I was gone. I'm not questioning it; this is more fun than the ice-cold and wrathful woman who was shouting at me and drove me from the British Isles. Though that was its own type of fun, I suppose.
"You know, I really appreciate the business, Gilderoy. But I am also really tired. I can only gyrate the caboose and these old girls so much before they fall off." Rosmerta says, sitting down across from me and swiping my butterbeer from my hand and taking a hefty gulp from it. I watch as a dribble escapes the corner of her mouth and drops onto her breasts, and I trail it as it disappears down into my cleavage.
"Oh, don't worry, you don't need to move for me to be entertained. You just have to exist, and I could spend the rest of eternity just staring at you." I say, looking up from her biggest orbs to her bluest orbs, and wiggling my eyebrows as she throws her head back and laughs.
"Well, now, if words were currency, I would be the richest woman in the world. I hear hodgepodge like that all day long, mister. Don't go thinking you're some fancy, irresistible man." She looks at Andromeda as if to say, " Right, and Andromeda nods her head as if agreeing. Huh, I thought I was being pretty smooth.
"You, sir, are a dime a dozen. Some American ponce used that line on me once, thinking that making me out to be a common, ordinary woman would make me like him for some reason. It didn't, it just made me put some very disgusting things in his food and drinks." She cackles wickedly, and Andromeda joins her, enjoying this mystery American man's pain. And while I also enjoy that this American man got his just deserts, I can't help but be more contemplative.
"...You haven't done the same to me at any point, have you?" I question this, suddenly very worried because I am sure I have been quite persistent in my pursuit of this woman in the past.
"Well, not since a couple of years ago. You used to be quite the annoying fellow, but nowadays you are more tolerable, so I don't have to make myself feel better by putting mystery ingredients in your food and drink." She replies with a smile. So old Gilderoy was getting dosed with that shit because he was a douche, but I'm not, so I haven't been. That's good; it means I'm at least somewhat decent.
"Woof!"
The sudden echoes through the room, and I am so startled by it interrupting the mood that I start to look left and right for the source, and end up staring at Andromeda, who is looking at me judgmentally. "Hey, stop looking at me like that. I know I'm a dog, but I'm not an actual dog. And when I woof, I bloody well howl." I say, but she is still looking at me the same.
"Oh, if it isn't my favourite customer. And that's because this old boy tends to be my only customer nowadays, what with all the other wizards being too scared to even show their faces with all those monstrosities flying about the place." She says excitedly as she gets up and rushes to the front door of The Three Broomsticks, and eagerly opens it wide, allowing a lanky, big, black and shaggy dog that looks like it hasn't been cleaned in forever to come in. The dog slinks in, and faster than lightning, it is rubbing up against Rosmerta's legs, its nose quickly dabbing in and taking whiffs before trying to get up her skirt.
SLAP!
"Stop that, you little shit!" And then Romserta slaps it full force in the face, sending it sprawling to the ground, but it quickly gets back up and wheezes some barks out that sound like some slimy laughs. But it's already back up and sliding up after Rosmerta once more, but this time keeping a bit of distance whilst also keeping its head to the floor and trying to peek up her skirt.
"This dirty old thing is the only guy that shows up anymore, showed up soon after school started. And I haven't been able to get rid of him since." She says, quickly pulling a bowl out and filling it full of butterbeer before setting it on the floor, and then getting another bowl out and putting some uncooked meat in it and setting it next to the butterbeer, which the dog is already drinking from, like he was dying of thirst.
I know who this mutt is, and it seems like he is living his best life. This little fucker sent me to Italy, saying a vacation would be the best thing for me, and Italy would be great. To be fair, it was great for a couple of weeks before I got pulled into that bullshit.
And to be fair, the little shit couldn't have known what was happening, but I need someone to blame, and there seems to be only one person making themselves available. I mean, he is already being blamed for a whole bunch of things, for which he is wanted dead on sight by a bunch of Dementors. I can blame him for this one little thing.
"Oh my god..." I hear Andormeda gasp lightly, and I look beside me to find her looking shocked and horrified, staring at the dog as if she had seen a ghost. And then I notice the wand in her hand, which she was about to use. I quickly grab hold of her wrist and force her arm back down. She looks at me with fear.
"Don't. Take a breath and calm down." She is definitely shellshocked, but she still does as I ask and takes a deep breath, but her grip is still tight on her wand, and she is keeping a firm eye on the dog, which is ripping through the meat with sheer abandon. I guess dog instincts let you ignore how disgusting it is to eat raw meat.
"But that is-" I let go of her wrist and grab her hand gently, caressing it with understanding. "I know. But I am your boss, and you are going to have to trust me here. Do nothing, and let me handle this." I state, as it's not a question, but I am surprised when she just nods her head and decides to follow my lead. I really expected some pushback there, given shes looking at her wanted terrorist murderer cousin, but I guess I am actually quite high up in her eyes for her to actually listen to me.
"Hey, Rosmerta," I shout, attracting the attention of the woman who was looking on eagerly as the old dog was eating away. "Yeah, hon. What is it?" I take a moment to stand up and walk towards her, before grabbing her by the hand and twirling her around and then dipping her before pulling her back up and pulling her in close to me, holding her tightly against me with my hands gripping her waist.
"I'm tired of playing around, and Andromeda isn't going to let me get the chance to do this subtly, jealous lady that she is." Andromeda begins to sputter and deny it, and I can feel Rosmerta's interest rise as she cocks an eyebrow at her. She stops pulling away and slides up even closer to me. "Now, why don't you go upstairs and get ready for me, and we can have some actual fun without the buzzkill behind me." Andromeda squawked, and that seems to seal the deal for Rosmerta.
"Well, if there is one thing you should know about me, it's that I like to steal. Usually that means I skim some money from the drunlards and sometimes nab their valuables." She reveals, surprising me with this new side of her. "But I have to say, I haven't stolen a man from a woman before, at least. not knowingly, and definitely not right in front of her. This is actually new for me, and I love new experiences." She says, her hand reaching down to cup my ass as she then lunges forward to kiss me, using a heavy amount of tongue.
I notice, however, she isn't really bothered with me and instead is looking Andromeda in the eyes the whole time, smirking at her smugly. Well, I guess this is the woman's so-called kleptomania acting up, because she is more bothered about the effect this is having on Andromeda than how I am feeling. Honestly, I don't mind it; it's quite an attractive colour on such a sexy woman.
"Well, then. I am going to freshen up and change into something..." Her eyes trail over to Andromeda with a wicked gleam in her eyes. "Slutty." Andromed coughs up the butterbeer she was drinking and sends it everywhere. Rosmerta is nonplussed and waves her wand, cleaning up the mess and then cleaning up the whole room and locking the door, closing the business.
"You let the dog out and get rid of the cold, dead fish in the corner, I'm going to ready the runway." She slinks away, shaking her assets, and all three of us watch her go, mesmerised, until she is out of sight. And then Andromeda realises what she was just called. "That fucking bitch. What the fuck did she just call me?" She shouts, getting up and walking after her, wand clenched in her hand, but this time it's for a woman and not a dog. In fact, I think she has forgotten all about Sirius Black being in the room with her. Well, she did just get called a cold, dead fish.
"Hey, focus up here. Remember... your fugitive, betraying and utterly reprehensible cousin who's hiding here as a mangy mutt?" I wave my hands in front of her and watch as realisation sparks back up on her face, and then the shock and horror return, and she forgets about the eager woman upstairs who is waiting for me.
"Y-You- You think I wouldn't recognise that stupid fucking dog form of yours. You might be more lanky and thinner and disgusting than ever, but I can tell it's you with that slimy wheezy laugh of yours." She once more raises her wand and points it at the dog, who is slowly backing up, more and more into the corner, backpedalling in fear.
"Sirius Orion Black! You get out of your illegal animagus form right now and become human again so I can castrate you properly." The dog whines and starts to look skittishly around the place, looking for an escape. Luckily, I had placed some silencing charms and locked all the doors so nobody could find us. It is just the three of us in this room right now, and that is how it is going to stay.
The dog suddenly bounds forward at Andromeda, and she quickly jumps to the side, crashing to the floor and losing her wand. While she tries to find it and pick it back up, the black dog darts at the door but finds it to be locked, and then he spots a window and springs towards it, hoping to crash through and jet off into the night, never to be seen by us again.
Boing!
Except I hit the window with a Spongify spell, causing the dog to bounce off the glass and right back into the middle of the room, sprawling on the floor. He gets back to his feet and looks at me with betrayal in his big dog eyes and whines at me. I shrug my shoulders in response and gesture to Andromeda, who is on her hands and knees, searching for her wand, her big ass in the air. Sirius takes one look and then looks back at me and gives me a nod of understanding. We are men, and not the moral and upright kind, so we both have our priorities straight, and we can both respect that.
Sirius this time runs at me, hoping to knock me down and get a chance to make his escape without me interfering, but I just wave my wand and send him flying through the air once more, crashing into some tables and chairs. I know why he isn't reverting to his human form; it's because he doesn't have a wand, so his manoeuvrability and physicality as a dog are infinitely more useful to him right now.
"Look, Sirius, she knows about your animagus form, and if you run away now, she will definitely tell the aurors, and then it is only a matter of time before you are caught by them, or kissed by one of the Dementors lurking around this place," I explain calmly, really needing this interaction to go calmly and end with Andromeda letting bygones be bygones and letting cannon proceed without interruption. I didn't think we would be able to change anything just by coming to Hogsmeade, but I also didn't think that Sirius would be the horny dog that he is and come to try and hump Madam Rosmerta. Masterful use of his animagus form, actually.
I was like the dog's eyes dart around and it observes its surroundings while in thought, and now that Andromeda is finally back on her feet and aiming her wand at the dog once more, he realises he can't escape. It is only my words that have kept Andromeda at bay and from tearing her cousin a new one, and he knows that. So he does the only thing he can do at this moment. The one least likely to get him killed or imprisoned again.
He complies.
Andromeda and I watch as the dog from the beginning to lengthen and stretch, magic doing its thing as fur recedes and clothes sprout up and then standing before us is Sirius Black, looking aggreaved and mischievous all at the same time, like a silt brat getting told no for once.
"I thought we were friends, Gileroy."
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Hehe, yeah. Even if he tries to stay out of it, he is a butterfly flapping its wings. And Andromeda isn't about to not get involved.
Upcoming Chapters:
Free: Chapter 131- It's Getting Away From Him.
Hero: Chapter 132- Have At Her!
Super: Chapter 134- Can't Catch A Break.
Legendary: Chapter 136- Unhappy.
Galactic: Chapter 140 - Andromeda's Answer.
Mythic: Chapter 148 - Weighing The Options.
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