Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters and works; all other characters and worlds belong to their respective owners. I'm just playing with them.
Betad by Marethyu, Priapus, Beans
The Dungeon Master
Chapter 06: Ba'alin, but at what cost?
– Rosha/Jolinar –
I said I was sorry.
Jolinar just shook her head at Rosha's embarrassed words.
And I said this wasn't your fault. I can't say I approve of your fling with a proclaimed God-Emperor, but this isn't on you.
She wished that the main source of their problems was Dorian and his true nature, but the fact was that her current problem was far more stupid. Relationship drama.
The High Council, and the ever curious Anise and Freya, were investigating the… sample that Rosha had brought back with her.
You can just call it semen.
Ignoring Rosha's giggling, she rolled their eyes. But yes, Anise was leading the investigation to what exactly Dorian truly was. Their current assumption was that he had somehow ascended like the Ancients, but was merely… halfway. A human who had gained the powers of an ascended being without actually shedding his mortal form. It would explain his jokes about being human plus, but still didn't quite add up. Even the Ancients shouldn't have this much power and that was before he'd stolen the entirety of Chulak.
Apophis' death had caused a feeding frenzy amongst the Goa'uld as they bickered and fought over his former territory. It was a time of opportunity for the Tok'ra, and she was grateful that Dorian had seemingly just randomly decided to wander over into the middle of one of the strongest Goa'uld's territories and murder a System Lord. The High Council was not amused when she'd admitted that he both looked and acted like a teenage boy and may very well have done all this on a whim, but they couldn't deny the potential opportunity before them.
They'd even made contact with the Tok'ra that had been on Chulak, who confirmed that they were alive and had been spared Dorian's purge, being given a ship and sent home with a message for the High Council that was 'too sensitive to discuss via their ship's comms'.
She knew that she had only been told this much because she was their first contact with Dorian, otherwise, she suspected the Council would have left her in the dark. All she knew was that something related to Dorian's allegedly Tok'ra advisor had sent the council into countless secretive sessions.
No, her focus, until the council decided what to do about the Grand Imperium of Man and their God Emperor, was on her personal life.
It was a mess; the entire situation was annoying, but Tok'ra relationships could get complicated because every partnership involved four people. She had a mate, Lantash, and that was fine. They had been together since before either of them meshed with their current hosts. She didn't blame Rosha for having a fling, and Lantash didn't care. Even if she had been inside Rosha at the time, it would not have been seen as 'cheating' because she'd have just retreated and given them some privacy.
No, the problem came from Lantash's host, Martouf. Martouf, evidently, believed that this was a four-person relationship where he and Lantash were mated to Rosha and Jolinar. So, he did see Rosha's fling as cheating despite the fact that they weren't in a relationship; Jolinar and Lantash were. As she said, the entire thing was stupid.
I didn't even think he liked me like that. We only spend time together when you and Lantash are in control, and I zone out whenever you and Lantash are being intimate. I guess Martouf doesn't.
As she said, Tok'ra relationships could get… complicated when all four participants weren't on the same page. She'd believed all of them were, but it seemed only three of them were on the same page.
Worth it.
Yes, as you've repeatedly said. Well, if Anise decides she wants another sample, I'm glad to know you'd be so willing to retrieve one for her.
Please, Anise would try to get it from the source if the Council hadn't stopped her from running off to Delmak. Freya, too. Those two are a little too similar sometimes.
Snorting to herself, she shook their head and went back to her work. With one dead system lord and the rest feuding, there was a lot of work to do for the Tok'ra. Plus, it gave her an excuse to avoid Martouf while Lantash tried to reason with him.
She just hoped Dorian wasn't getting up to too much trouble. He'd rapidly risen to the top of the System Lords' most wanted for killing one of their number, and possibly robbing Nittri as well. The System Lords hated each other, but when one of them died to an outsider, they all took it as an insult.
The only reason they'd turn on each other instead of allying to destroy Dorian was the simple truth that they didn't know he was hiding in Delmak. That wouldn't stay the same forever. Sooner or later, the united Goa'uld would go to war against the Imperium of Man.
It was simply inevitable. She could only hope he knew what he was doing as he poked the Goa'uld over and over again.
– Ba'al –
He was not someone who experienced true fear often.
"I fail to understand what exactly I've done to gain the hatred of your God," Ba'al tried, watching the white haired women finish butchering his men. With Apophis gone, he had been in the perfect position to swoop in and take both the remaining disputed territory of Ra himself and Apophis' domain. He had been so close to being in the position to be the strongest System Lord, but…
"You exist, xeno. That is reason enough," one of them spat, pulling her giant chainsaw blade out of what was left of his First. "The God Emperor has deemed your existence a blight upon the Galaxy."
"Surely your God Emperor can face me himself. I'd be happy to bend the knee to such a powerful being," Ba'al tried, holding his hands up in surrender even as his Goa'uld pride screamed at him.
"Right up until you had a chance to stab me in the back," a male voice said, stepping into the room and over one of his men. The man, boy really, paused and looked down, shaking his leg to knock off the intestines clinging to it.
"I assure you, I wouldn't-"
"Yeees, you would," the God Emperor cut in with a laugh. "Don't worry, I don't blame you. I can't blame a bird for flying, a fish for swimming, or a Goa'uld for being a traitorous backstabbing worm. "But you want to know the reason why I came for you specifically? That's fair. Honestly, you're just too damn annoying."
"What-" Ba'al sputtered, cut off by a backhand from the closest woman.
"Dominica, that wasn't nice. We're still just talking, and he is a fellow ruler," the God Emperor scolded lightly, giving Dominica a playful smile. "But yes, you, Ba'al, are just a pain in the ass because you're the thing I hate the most in my enemies. Competent. You're too damn smart for me to leave you running around, being a menace. I considered keeping you, but you're just too sneaky for that."
"I'm flattered, but I hardly think I'm a threat to someone capable of moving the very planets themselves," Ba'al flattered, staring into the golden eyes of the Emperor.
"Well, no. But you could be really annoying. Like a cockroach. Do you have cockroaches in space?" the God Emperor asked, scratching his chin.
"I am not aware of any creature by that name," Ba'al replied, eager for anything that delayed his impending execution. "You said yourself that I am competent, surely you realise that if I am half as smart as you believe, I can recognise a hopeless cause when I see one. I would not throw away my life for an impossible cause by trying to overthrow you."
"His word is as worthless as his life, and deserves as little of your divine attention, My Emperor," Dominica spat, aiming the flamethrowing weapon at him. He still had his kara kesh equipped, but he was well aware of what using it would achieve.
He could shoot the Emperor, and promptly be slaughtered in the most painful way the fanatics could think of. He could shoot the fire-loving woman, and be cut in half by the one wielding a chainsaw, or he could shoot the chainsaw lunatic and then be burnt alive. Not exactly brilliant choices either way. The several minor Goa'uld he had serving him had proven that the Imperium was well aware of the downsides of the kara kesh shield.
"They do say actions speak louder than words," the Emperor said, stroking his chin with a growing smirk. "So, let's have you prove it. This Imperium only needs a single god, after all."
As he spoke, he clicked his fingers and, in a flash of gold that Ba'al could only pray came from a fancy teleporter, made a large communications device appear in the middle of the room. If it was technology that was the secret behind the Emperor's powers, it could be taken advantage of. If it was simply his actual powers, Ba'al saw things becoming far more complicated. He wanted to try and take the Emperor's body, but something in his eyes told him that the Emperor both knew and was hoping he'd try.
"You recognise this, don't you? Just a fancy broadcasting device you guys use to wow your followers by projecting your image into the sky," the Emperor explained condescendingly. "I've made some teeny little adjustments to it, let's just say I extended its range a little. You want to join the Imperium? Denounce the Goa'uld as false gods to your territory. Tell all your followers what you truly are and swear fealty to the Imperium of Man."
Ba'al froze, unable to hide the rage as his head snapped to the Emperor in disbelief. It was… inspired, he would admit. If he denounced his godhood, if he personally told all his followers that he wasn't the God they believed him to be and swore himself to the God Emperor, it would make reclaiming his territory or position near impossible. That wasn't even mentioning how much the other Goa'uld would despise him and seek his end. The Emperor was making him burn every bridge on his way out, to ensure he had nowhere else to go.
Ba'al hesitated, excuses on his tongue, but the revving of the chainsword made him jump as the two Sisters of Battle stepped closer. They wanted him to refuse, ready to murder him the moment anything but an agreement left his lips.
This was almost worse than dying… almost. In the end, the fear of death was stronger than his ambition, it seemed. As long as he was alive, he could work to regain his power. Maybe even fake his death and 'return' under a new guise to escape the other System Lords. If he could get his hands on the Imperium's tech first, he could regain his power as a System Lord.
He didn't know how many planets could see him as he began his surrender, hatred well-hidden under a submissive persona. He'd do what it took to survive, because death was the final failure. It didn't matter how many times you lost as long as you were alive to try again.
He confessed to his 'crimes' of falsely claiming godhood, explained his parasitical nature with a repentant tone and told everyone watching that the Goa'uld's 'magic' was nothing more than technology they used to suppress humanity and the abhuman Jaffas. Each word cut into his pride, feeling like a dagger to his heart as he exposed his species secrets and swore himself to the one true god, the God Emperor of Mankind.
The Emperor watched with a pleased smile as Ba'al bent the knee, swearing his service to mankind in a complete one-eighty of the way the galaxy worked. He was likely the first Goa'uld who had ever made such an absurd claim, but he doubted he'd be the last.
As the communications ended, he remained on one knee with his head bowed until the Emperor lazily gestured for him to rise. He went to speak as the Emperor moved aside in an odd manner. Ba'al didn't have to wonder for long as the blade of the Sister of Battle burst through his chest, blood spurting across the spot where the Emperor had once been standing.
"Y-you-" Ba'al sputtered between a mouthful of blood as he stumbled forward, his eyes wide as his true body just… refused to leave its rapidly dying host. He'd been used, and he'd fallen for it like a true fool. The Emperor just wanted to weaponise him before they finished him off.
"Oh man, the look on your face," the Emperor laughed, Ba'al letting out a shout of rage and panic as he choked on his own blood, falling to the floor. "Sorry, Balls. Don't worry, you'll be thanking me for it soon."
His attempt at a desperate question, or dying insult, was muffled by the mouthful of blood he coughed onto the floor. Dominica kicked him in the face for getting it on the Emperor's admittedly rather nice shoes.
His vision went dark, his head light and his mind lost to the pain and fear, as he heard the increasingly distant words of the chainsaw wielding sister asking the Emperor if he was sure about something, but Ba'al knew it as all over for him as he slumped down in a pool of his own blood.
– Later –
Waking with a shout, he wondered who had gotten him to a sarcophagus before the fire-loving Sister had the chance to burn his remains. And yet, he found himself not in a healing sarcophagus at all, but lying in a rather nice bed.
"I advised him to leave you dead," a voice spoke, making him jump as he rose quickly, his hand at his formerly ruined chest. Turning to the source, his eyes widened at the sight of the largest woman he'd ever seen, with pale skin and a pure white dress clinging to her curvy body. His eyes narrowed in displeasure as he registered her words.
"And you are? I take it that I have the Emperor to thank for my return, then?" Ba'al asked, rising to his feet. He was somewhat disturbed to realise that he barely reached her truly massive breasts. He took a step back so he wouldn't have to strain his neck so much to look up at the monster of a woman.
"Egeria, mother of the Tok'ra and the advisor to Emperor Dorian," Egeria replied simply. His eyes widened at the sight of a woman thought long dead, who would be higher on the System Lords' most wanted than he would after his… little act of defiance. "I see my reputation precedes me."
"I don't think there's a single System Lord who hasn't heard of you, Queen Egeria," Ba'al replied smoothly. "And I must say, you've found a rather magnificent host in your exile."
"Imprisonment, not exile, but the end result is the same I suppose. The Emperor found me, knowing I was dying, and you're smart enough to understand that the Emperor made my body for me," Egeria replied coldly, mistrust clear in her eyes. "As he did yours. I'm not surprised you haven't noticed. I suspect your Host was long gone mentally, but that body is hours old. He simply kept your look."
"How kind of him," Ba'al replied simply, examining himself. He felt… light, his body reacting far faster than he was used to.
"It's stronger, faster and far better than you deserve, but Dorian believes you might be useful to his Empire. Or maybe you just amuse him," Egeria added with a wry look. "I would suggest that you seek to continue to benefit or amuse him, as everyone but the Emperor wants you dead."
"His faith won't be misplaced," Ba'al swore, getting a snort of disbelief from her. It was only then, as the shock finally wore off, that he realised something. Where was his true body?
"You noticed, then? And Dorian claimed you were smart for a Goa'uld," Egeria said, noticing his confusion. "Yes, that body is your true form now. Whatever you thought his powers were, you underestimated them considerably. He's merged your new body and your Goa'uld form into one. He said you wouldn't mind, once you got used to the 'advantages' of your new body."
"...advantages?" Ba'al asked, his eyes narrowing as he felt… something in his mind.
I almost want him to try and betray us. If this works, Dorian is bound to try and and recruit the 'female' Goa'uld as well.
His eyes widened as he stumbled back, watching Egeria's eyes widen before she glared.
"Stay out of my mind, Ba'al. Yes, you are officially a Hok'tar. Telepathy, telekinesis and… 'some fun little bonuses' as Dorian put it. Dorian called you a Psyker, which made the Sisters want to kill you again even more, amusingly enough," Egeria explained with a frown. "You are far weaker than me, and you lack my near-instant regeneration, but Dorian thought the powers of the mind were better suited for you."
"The Emperor can simply… make Hok'tar as he pleases?" Ba'al asked, true shock flooding him. His kind, especially Nirrti, had been trying to achieve this for as long as their empire had existed.
"He relocated an entire planet on a whim, and brings back the dead with an idle wave of his hand. Make no mistake, Ba'al, while I do not believe him to be a true God, his powers are undeniable," Egeria warned. "There is a reason he does not fear your betrayal. Come on, he wants to see you."
As they walked, his mind raced. He wasn't foolish enough to reach out to Egeria's mind again, as she had clearly sensed his telepathic prod before. If the Emperor could simply grant such power as he deemed fit… well, his decision to backstab the Goa'uld on his way out suddenly felt like a far wiser decision as he was led to the Throne Room.
The Emperor was sitting on his golden throne, his eyes closed as he hummed with power. Egeria prevented him from speaking as the golden aura around Dorian fluxed and he finally opened his eyes, glowing brightly for a moment before they faded to their normal gold.
"How are you liking the new body, Ba'al?" Dorian asked, slumping as he rested his head on his fist. "I couldn't leave you possessing a human when my Imperium is very clear on the consequences of xenos enslaving humans."
"I would say it was worth a little evisceration, my Emperor," Ba'al agreed with a small bow. It still hurt his pride, but oddly enough, it stung far less than he expected. "Though a little warning would have been nice."
"Well, we don't always get what we want," Dorian replied with a shrug. "But anyway, welcome to the Abhuman Race. I plan to wipe out the Goa'uld, but those who are smart enough to follow your example will be welcomed after a little reincarnation because… well, to be perfectly honest? I have a distinct lack of capable administrators, and your territory was well-ruled."
Never before had he been so happy to be so much less megalomaniacal than many of his fellow Goa'uld. Or, former brethren, he supposed. It would take a long time to get used to the idea of not being a Goa'uld.
"You have plans for me, I take it?" Ba'al asked.
"I do. You're no longer System Lord Ba'al. You're Imperial Governor Ba'al and I have a very important task for you," Dorian admitted. "You're going to fight your entire former species."
"W-what?" Ba'al asked, baffled.
"Well, don't look so surprised. You did effectively declare war on them all on your way out, and unlike with the Imperium, they actually know where to find you, or your territory at least. I broadcast that little message of yours to every Goa'uld's major planets, and man, are they pissed," Dorian laughed, Ba'al's heart pounding. He knew they'd hear of it, eventually, but not directly! "Don't look so stressed, it's not as bad as it sounds. I have control of the Stargate systems throughout your territory at this point, and we've been playing a fun little game where we redirect any attack force right into my waiting Sisters of Battle. It's been great training for them while you slept off reincarnation. Still, most of you guys aren't the best strategists, are you?"
"...they've just been sending wave after wave of Jaffa in, haven't they?" Ba'al asked after a long moment, rubbing his forehead with a sigh. Sometimes, he was embarrassed to share the genetic memory of the other System Lords.
"Yup. My Astra Militarum have really enjoyed the training. They're learning how to use artillery pieces at the moment, and moving targets are the best practice," Dorian agreed with a chuckle. In his mind, he could see squads of Jaffa charging through the Stargate only to find themselves in the middle of nowhere instead of at their target, the Gate shutting off and leaving them to face a deathtrap.
And of course, the Goa'uld didn't communicate with each other, so it would take a long time for word to spread that the Gates were compromised. How many men had they lost already? Dorian had used him as bait to enrage the other System Lords and lure them into a trap.
"And what happens when they send their fleets?" Ba'al asked, a frown on his face as he stroked his beard thoughtfully.
"That's where our fleets come in. Come on, you're gonna love this. Calexa certainly did. Oh, that's our Archmagos. She's in charge of research, production and logistics," Dorian said cheerfully, hopping out of his throne. "Thanks, Egeria. Have the other Tok'ra gotten back to you yet?"
"Not yet. I suspect they are suspicious of a trap. I am supposed to be long dead, after all. I've spawned some new Tok'ra and sent a few along with some of the Tok'ra that were in Ba'al's territory as proof of my identity," Egeria explained. "My people have survived this long by being cautious. Suspicion is expected."
"How did spawning go? I think I got it right when I was making your body, but it's not like I've had to consider that before," Dorian replied with a laugh.
"Flawlessly. It was almost too easy. There certainly are benefits to this new body," Egeria admitted. "With such proof, I suspect my people will send an emissary soon. Especially given the fact that you just lazily set off a pan-galactic war."
Her tone was scolding, her hands on her hips, but Dorian just grinned.
"Are you telling me you aren't happy about how many Goa'uld we've killed already?" Dorian retorted, and her silence was telling. "We were going to end up at war eventually anyway, so why not rip off the bandaid and set it off on our terms?"
"I would have simply preferred that you'd discussed this with everyone first. When you set off, you said you were going to go and kill a System Lord. Sending back a message saying 'kinda declared war on the entire galaxy lol' was not encouraging," Egeria sighed. "Go on, show him your new toys. Ba'al, I hope you understand that there is a queue forming over who gets to kill you when you inevitably try to betray us."
"She's not lying. Valeria pulled rank over Dominica, but Calexa wants to cut up your new body and would prefer you to be alive while she experiments. Don't worry, she wants to vivisect me too, she's just too polite to admit it," Dorian said in a stage whisper as he threw an arm around Ba'al's shoulder.
Lovely.
Before he could reply, they vanished in a flash of golden light, disorienting him.
"Glory to you, oh Omnissiah," the semi-mechanical voice of a woman said as he steadied himself. "I am pleased to report that your Star Forge is operating at 99.42% efficiency. The Rites of Purification are ongoing to correct the unacceptable 0.58%."
"Wonderful. Ba'al, this is Archmagos Calexa-Nine. She leads my Adeptus Mechanicus. They make and fix our shit," Dorian explained. "Calexa, this is Imperial Governor Ba'al."
"A pleasure," Ba'al said, a little unnerved by the way her mechanical eye was drilling into his soul. Dorian's words about her wanting to experiment on him made him think of Nirrti, and that was not a pleasant comparison.
"So, how ready are we? Do I need to pull some more time fuckery?" Dorian asked, getting Ba'al's attention. "Oh yeah. Long story short, I've been doing a little fucky wucky with time around the training and production facilities to get us ready for war much faster. I had to summon the Ordo Chronos just to keep track of it all."
"With the schematics and materials you provided, and the efficiency of the Star Forge, I am pleased to report that the first Eternal Fleet is at 74% strength already. With the speed of the Goa'uld ships, I am certain that it will be fully prepared before the first wave arrives and our Hyperdrives are far superior to their inferior engines, allowing us to respond long before they arrive," Calexa replied confidently, leading them over to what seemed to be a viewing platform where Ba'al could only stare in disbelief as his eyes landed on the largest fleet of alien ships he'd ever seen.
"See? Yeah, we're cheating. And we're cheating a lot. Your Goa'uld buddies are a special kind of fucked," Dorian laughed.
"It's only cheating if you lose," Ba'al replied simply, almost salivating at the military power he saw before him. "So, what exactly am I going to be doing?"
"Converting, mostly. You established a large amount of territory, and I want you to work with my people to convert these planets to the Imperium. I also want you to gather your military forces, space fleets and foot soldiers, and send them to us. I'll make sure you have the forces needed to suppress any uprisings," Dorian explained. "Your men will be put through the Imperium's training and equipped with our weapons before they're sent back. Frankly, most Goa'uld worlds are too primitive for the Imperium, so there's gonna be a lot of uplifting as well."
Ba'al considered his options as he looked upon the Eternal Fleet. The Emperor's power was undeniable, but it wasn't so hard to see him similarly to how Ba'al had treated the seemingly unbeatable Ra. The title of Imperial Governor didn't have the same impact as System Lord, but it may just have more power if he played his cards right.
And, more importantly, it meant he wasn't going to be on the other side of things when the Eternal Fleet hit whichever Goa'uld came to invade his territory first.
"As for your other Goa'uld minions, find out which of them are worth reincarnating. They don't get as fancy powers as you, since they're just underlings, but I don't wanna waste time reincarnating the ones who aren't going to be any use. We'll just kill those ones," Dorian continued, nodding to himself.
Yeah, he didn't want to be a Goa'uld right now. Dorian had far too much power and wielded it all so freely. As long as Ba'al was useful, he could benefit from that immense power. As for the future? Well, he'd wait to see how the Eternal Fleet performed before he made any immediate plans.
– Dorian Morgan –
Man, fuck running the galaxy by myself. I'm already sick of the micromanaging over a single fucking planet.
Plus, Ba'al has a nice beard. He's an annoying little shit, but he's a useful and kinda cool one. I just need to keep an eye on him in case he tries any clones or time travel shit. On one hand, he could be useful, and are Goa'uld really any worse than the average Imperial noble anyway? Plus, what better gift could I, the benevolent God Emperor of Mankind, give to a filthy xeno than to reincarnate them as the superior race? If Ba'al betrays us, it just means Egeria gets to say she told me so and the Sisters get to play burn the heretic. It really is a win-win. Plus, this is a good test for when I get my hands on Nirrti and the other hot female Goa'uld. Well, the ones that use female hosts, you know what I mean. If I can keep fucking Ba'al on a leash, I can control any of them.
As for my new fleet? Well, I know that in the 40k universe, AI is seen as bad… but consider this. AI… good. AI does work that we humans then don't have to do. As such, as long as it remains subservient to humanity, AI is a good thing.
This is why I made Calexa the way that she is. By regular Mechanicus standards, she's super heretical, but that gives her the… let's call it 'moral flexibility' to go along with whatever dumb shit I want to do. I can just walk up to her and say, 'I pulled a giant, semi-alive forge out of my asshole. Make me a fleet of AI-controlled ships to kill my enemies, and she gets excited instead of worried. The only reason the AI is still in its 'infancy' is that I haven't decided which one would be best yet.
Cortana seems too cliche, all things considered. GLaDOS could be fun, but you know, it's GLaDOS. EDI, maybe? Scorpio is connected to the Eternal Fleet in lore, so she would work out, I guess. Maybe 2B? I mean, sure, it's not what she was designed for but…
Ooh, hot robot attack force? 2B in a Sisters of Battle outfit? I mean, Glory to Mankind is literally their entire thing. Can I afford them? I mean, yeah, having multiple planets of worshippers is a cheat sheet for this power, but I did just spend a hell of a lot. Which just means I need to make more, obviously. DC and Dragon Age are just waiting for me to poke my nose into, but I've been a little busy.
Plus, once this war really kicks off, I'll have more points than I know what to do with, and it'll mean I'll have the energy pool to really splurge when I enter those worlds, since they're basically frozen in time until I first head in, or send someone myself. Biding my time and going in with a mountain of points to spend isn't a terrible idea.
With Dragon Age, I'm definitely going to make an explosive entrance. It just feels like the right thing to do. But with DC? I'm thinking vacation world. I mean, I don't wanna get pulled into the sheer bullshit that goes on there, so I could just make Gotham my vacation home. Hang around with the low-powered chumps of Gotham and avoid getting into a mess with anyone actually powerful. I don't need Flash punting me through time before I can even formulate a single thought, let alone use my powers.
I mean, sure, I could make countermeasures, but I'm not fucking Batman. I just wanna be fucking Batgirl.
God, I swear I'm forgetting something. Oh, wait, shit. How the fuck are SG-1 going to learn anything when I have Teal'c on Chulak? I left him to spend some time with his family and Master Bra'tac, mostly because his son has joined the Astra Militarum Jaffa training group and his wife was given a divine vision to become a Sister.
He's going to be difficult to convert, but the best way to do it is to show that the Jaffa are simply better off under me. Rapidly increasing quality of living and access to better food, goods and hospitals. It's bread and circuses, basically… though I should get to work on the circus part because right now it's just sermons and that's gotta get boring. Anyway, point of order.
I took away SG-1's main source of intergalactic information. Well, that's an easy fix.
— Bonus Scene — Samantha Carter
Sitting in her office, she frowned deeply.
The Emperor was right, which was frankly terrifying. Her father, after she basically dragged him in for a checkup, was discovered to have lymphoma. Fairly late-stage, and almost certainly not treatable with their current level of technology. They could extend his life, maybe, and make him more comfortable as the symptoms began to show themself, but cure him? No, they simply didn't have the technology for that.
General Hammond decided to read her father in on the Stargate project, both because of their old friendship and because he'd become a person of interest since an intergalactic Emperor had singled him out. The Emperor knew entirely too much about them, and each theory on why only made the higher-ups increasingly paranoid. Obviously, they were excited at the possibility of making contact and getting access to the advanced technology of the Imperium, but it was also a simple truth that the United States government enjoyed being the one with the big stick when it came to negotiations.
They didn't even have a stick to bring to the table. Their spaceships could reach the moon, sometimes, while the Emperor presumably ruled entire star systems and seemed to either possess future knowledge or to have a way of spying on them that they simply could not detect or counteract.
But the simple truth was that they didn't know how to contact the Imperium of Man. The best chance they had at the moment was to dial gates at random and hope to eventually stumble into a way to contact the Emperor. It was hardly what you'd call a strategy.
The sound of alarms made her rise, rushing to the Gate room to work out what the hell was going on. She watched as the Gate activated, the iris closing and then simply opening again as it defied their attempts to close it. The gate lit up, first blue and then an all too familiar gold before it spat out a… laptop with a sticky note attached with the words 'for SG-1' written in big bold letters?
As the gate shut off, the alarms slowed down and the guards approached it with guns drawn, doing everything they could to confirm that the laptop was exactly what it looked like before it was finally brought up, and she got to examine it herself.
'Consider this a gift, from one branch of humanity to another.'
"Captain?" General Hammond asked after she finished her examination.
"It seems to be exactly what it looks like, General. The technology inside the laptop is… light-years ahead of anything that we have in modern computing, but it does seem to be just a laptop," Samantha reported. "Aside from the operating system, which was simple enough to work out how to use, it simply has a database installed called 'Space Exploration for Dummies'."
"...like the books?" Jack finally asked, scratching his chin.
"Almost exactly, only the figure on the front… well, it looks like you, Colonel," Samantha admitted, watching as Jack blinked and moved closer, squinting at the screen. She was only somewhat surprised when his response was to let out a bark of laughter.
"Makes about as much sense as everything else we've seen from him," Jack finally agreed with a lazy shrug.
"If it makes you feel better, there's a language translator app as well, and that one has an unflattering portrayal of Daniel as the icon," Samantha admitted with a conflicted expression. It was truly amazing; she'd already used it to scan some of the writing they had with the laptop's camera, and it had easily and instantly translated the text from 'Alteran' into plain English for them. She'd also tried in on a dozen different Earth languages, both modern and ancient, and each time it had succeeded.
Daniel was stuck between joy at having access to the Rosetta Stone of Alien Languages and his entire field of study being reduced to a computer program. Ignoring Jack's failed attempts to navigate the laptop and find the mocking portrayal, she continued.
"As I was saying, sir. It has a truly massive database, far bigger than should fit on a device so small, filled with a mountain of details on the current state of the Galaxy, the various cultures and factions and far, far more. We've barely scratched the surface," Sam admitted, unable to hide her excitement.
It was a truly amazing gift, and it was a good sign that the Imperium was so willing to aid them. Now, if only the laptop also contained a cure for cancer, it would be perfect.
"Huh, that's not an unflattering portrayal," Jack mumbled, getting their attention to the screen. She froze as she saw the image on the screen, of her dressed in an extremely revealing nurse costume, her mind blanking for a moment before she slammed the laptop shut.
Taking a deep breath, she opened it up again (after turning the screen so Jack and General Hammond wouldn't see), surprised to see the image of her… wink at her as the screen rippled golden and Nurse Sam tossed something at the screen which… passed through it?!
Catching it, she could barely calm herself as she saw, in big golden letters, the words 'cure for cancer' written on the side of the large needle. If this truly was a cure for cancer, it could do so much good if they studied it but could they do that and use it on her father at the same time?
She was only mostly surprised when a second needle was thrown out of the screen at her.