A thunder shook the sky and lightning shot across the sky. The wind grew stronger and colder and I clutched onto the cup of hot coffee tighter in my hand. My heart felt heavy. I couldn't figure out if it was because of the atmosphere or just my random mood swing. I was feeling kind of stuffed.
I walked around for a while and spotted a bakery. I got an idea and walked inside. The smell of sweetness greeted me and I scrunched my nose. It was too sweet for my nose. I looked at the different types of sweets on the counter.
"Good evening sir, what would you like?" An employee smiled at me politely.
I smiled back. "I will take some time to decide."
"Sure sir." He left.
I wasn't sure what to buy since I didn't enjoy sweet desserts at all. I sighed, feeling foolish.
"Excuse me." I called the employee and he appeared again with a smile.
"Yes sir?"
"This. The chocolate pastry here please. One." I said, pointing at the pastry.
"We are baking a fresh one now. If you would like to wait for sometime, we would love to give you a fresh pastry." He smiled.
I thought for a moment and nodded. "How long?"
"Ten minutes."
"Okay then."
He nodded with a smile and left.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked if I had any new messages from Jeremy. It was quite disappointing because there weren't any.
"Hey, do you have a small ready made birthday cake?"
I looked up to see two girls in a nurse's uniform talking to the employee.
"We are currently baking one, ma'am."
"Oh, can you pack one chocolate cake and also write happy birthday on it?" The girl with the short hair smiled.
"Sure ma'am. Ten minutes."
I wondered whose birthday it was that they seemed to be in so much hurry for a cake.
"I hope he feels special and reciprocates what I feel for him." The short-haired girl giggled.
"Aiy, stop dreaming. He is nice to everyone. Don't expect more from him." The other one said sternly. From her attitude, I could tell she wasn't supporting her friend at all.
"I hope he is single. I really want to make my move on him."
"Gosh! Melina. Did you not see the ring on his ring finger? He seems engaged to me. You have bad luck."
"Pfft. That's probably a promise ring or just his own ring. If he has someone, she would at least show her face once in the hospital. He literally lives in the hospital." Melina laughed.
I didn't mean to eavesdrop to their conversation but they were just too loud for me to ignore. And well, it seemed interesting to me, liking someone who was already engaged.
"Here is your chocolate pastry, sir." The employee placed my packing on the counter.
I paid for it and left, throwing another glance at the nurses.
It started to rain right after I reached my room. I opened the window and let the cold wind enter. I shuddered and went to sit on the chair. I unpacked the pastry and carefully placed it on a plate. I picked one candle and put it in the pastry. I lit it up and stared at it for a moment.
For how many years had I done it for him already. I wanted to be there, by his side, wishing him a happy birthday but fate had different plan. Or he had different plan. I sighed as just by thinking about him made my heart heavy.
I blew the candle, joined my hands together and closed my eyes to make a wish.
"I hope his birthday wish comes true." I wished loudly and opened my eyes. I removed the candle and grabbed the fork to have a bite of the pastry.
A tear rolled down as I swallowed the sweet pastry. The pain was physical. I could literally feel my heart sink. The memories weren't vivid anymore because of time but some scenes would randomly flash in my mind. How could I ever forget the things that once made me happy? My heart could move on from the pain but couldn't move on from the feeling of the pain. The feeling of loneliness, the feeling of longing, the feeling of being abandoned, the feeling of being left alone without any single explanation. In that moment of isolation, I couldn't imagine how I could continue to live like that. It was just too painful and I thought I could never lead a normal life again. But there I was again, back on my feet and leading a good life...without him.
The doorbell rang and I quickly wiped my tears. I stood up and went to open the door.
"Hi."
I was stunned to see Jeremy standing at the door. I thought it was room service.
"Hi." I said, a little confused.
"Um..." He brushed his fingers through his hair nervously. "Can I crash here for tonight with you?"
My eyebrows shot up. "What?"
He smiled and walked inside, pushing me aside. I stared after him as he opened his jacket and fell on the bed. I sniffed the smell of alcohol from him. I closed the door and walked to him to sit on the bed.
"What's wrong?" I asked, staring at the floor.
He sat up beside me and surprisingly put his head on my shoulder. I didn't move.
He sighed. "I just want company."
We sat in silence for a while. I could sense that something was wrong because he kept staring at the wall, zoning out and deep in thoughts. And I just sat there, lending him the shoulder he needed.
"Is something wrong?" I asked, feeling the sense to cry again.
He shook his head, shifting closer and wrapping an arm around my arm.
"Then are you drunk?" I asked, wondering why he was being clingy.
"Yes, a little I guess. I like it this way with you."
I exhaled loudly. "If you want to tell me something, you can. You will feel better."
He gave out a low chuckle but didn't say anything. Instead, he reached for my hand. His hand was too warm that mine started to feel a little cold. My whole body tingled. And the warm fuzzy feeling started to spread.
He sat up straight and looked at me.
"What?" I asked, my eyes falling on his lips.
He moved his hand and placed it on my thigh, moving it closer to my groin. I stopped breathing as I understood his intentions. I quickly placed my hand over his, stopping him. He gulped down, staring into my eyes.
"What are you doing?" I asked, a little surprised.
"I am not able to resist you, Kwan." He whispered.
I blinked. A strange feeling of longing and desire ran through me. It told me that I wanted what he wanted too. But it also felt wrong in many senses. When my mind started to look for what felt wrong, it didn't find a single answer.
Time stretched and when I didn't give any reaction, he started to withdraw his hand from my thigh. And the desired I was, I held his hand down firmly. He looked at me in astonishment, a mixture of surprise and longing.
I reached to caress his cheek. He leaned on my hand, closing his eyes. My heart beat started to fasten and I leaned closer. I kissed his lips softly and then looked into his eyes, making sure if he still wanted this. He smiled and grabbed me by the nape of my neck, crushing his lips against mine. His kiss felt urgent and intense, as if he didn't want me to change my mind. I wasn't thinking about changing my mind anyways. His hands reached to open the buttons of my shirts hastily. His hands were shivering because of nervousness and had troubles unbuttoning my shirt.
He broke the kiss and concentrated on the buttons.
"All the way?" I asked.
He looked at me, eyes cloudy with longing and nodded.
I nodded nervously and reached to unbutton his shirt too. He opened my shirt and pushed me on the bed, climbing on top of me. He opened his own shirt and threw it on the ground and his lips were back to mine. The urgency was gone and he became more slow and gentle. He had a great body and his skin was warm compared to mine. I placed my hands on both side of his waist.
He moved to my neck, leaving wet sloppy kisses. It tickled. I couldn't think straight. I could only hear our loud breathing. His warm hand explored my chest and I couldn't bear it anymore. I didn't want to be the bottom. I was always the top. I grabbed his hand and jerked up, pushing him on the bed. He looked at me in shock.
"I am a top." I said, cheeks burning.
He blushed. "So do as you please."
He started to open my pant's fly, keeping eyes on me.
"Umm protection?" I asked.
He sat up, kissing me wildly. "I don't care." He mumbled, biting on my lips gently.
I kissed him back with the same urgency, slowly slipping my hand in his pants and he groaned softly.
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