As my eyes closed on the world, I found myself surrounded by darkness. I couldn't see a thing.
Wasn't there supposed to be a tunnel of light? I know I wasn't a saint, but I couldn't have ended up in hell... right?
"Are you satisfied with what you accomplished in life?"
A voice. I flinched. "Huh? Is someone there?"
"Fufu. Indeed, I'm here."
"Who are you?"
"Who am I, indeed... There's little time, so let me ask again. Are you satisfied with how it all ended?"
I thought about my life. What I'd achieved, what I hadn't, and finally, how I'd died. The more I remembered, the more it filled me: regret, hatred, uselessness.
I had accomplished nothing. If I was honest, dying was probably for the best. I wouldn't have made it in that world; I would only have suffered. This way, at least someone might remember me as their hero, for a little while.
And yet there was only one answer I could give.
"I'm not. But I think this was for the best. I'm a useless person. Trash who failed at every part of life. If I'd kept living, all that waited for me was pain and misery. Seen that way, this is better."
"Oh, what a cold, logical way to see it." Curiosity colored the voice. "But tell me: do you blame your circumstances? Perhaps your parents weren't good enough?"
"Hardly. I'd be a fool to blame my circumstances. We weren't rich, but I never lacked anything. My parents did their best with what they had. The only one who failed was me. By the time I realized it, it was too late. I wasn't strong enough to climb out of the hole I'd let myself fall into."
I laughed bitterly. "What a complete imbecile. Useless trash with an inconsequential life. But at least in death I managed to save someone. Even if she was a fool, and an annoying one at that."
The memory of that woman chasing me into the street without looking made me groan.
"Honestly, what an idiot... hehehe."
I laughed again, and I didn't even know why.
"You really are hard on yourself, even in death..." the voice said. "You're special, but in a bad way. You died saving someone else. That alone is a noble thing. And still you call yourself trash. Useless."
For the first time, I felt something in its voice. Disappointment. Or was it sadness?
"I don't see any merit in my life. One action doesn't change that. But I've accepted it. It's finally over, and in a way, I'm relieved. I just feel bad for my parents. They'll have to bury their useless son... who couldn't even manage to die after them."
The thought hit me harder than the steel rods had.
"I'm sorry, Mom... Dad... Forgive your useless son. You gave me all those years, and all I paid you back with was disappointment and pain."
Something around me shifted. It was hard to describe — the darkness seemed to be swallowing my emotions, and growing with each one.
"All this darkness around us... it comes from you," the voice said. "It's the darkness you carried your whole life. Truly terrifying. It's a wonder you held all this inside without going mad, or taking your own life. And still you died for someone else."
It paused.
"So I have a proposal for you. The truth is, you can't move on. This darkness has latched onto your soul. It won't let you rest. You'll remain trapped here, in this world of nothingness. And it gets worse: it has already begun reaching for the girl you saved."
The voice sounded tired, as if weighing its next words.
"Sooner or later, she'll die. No one could hold this inside them. She'll go mad, or she'll kill herself. She isn't strong-willed enough to endure it. I'm sorry to say it so plainly, but your demons will kill her."
"My demons? What do you mean? I don't understand."
"Mmm... it's hard to explain. All the negativity you kept locked away has taken on parts of you. It's alive, in its own way. It even trapped your soul — perhaps because it identifies with you — and that's why your sense of self survived your death. Honestly, it's troubling. Now that it's no longer locked in your body, I can't predict what it will do. I don't sense much hatred in it. But I do sense a cold, endless hunger. To be frank, it's a little frightening."
Then, hurriedly: "So, since you can't move on in this world... why not take it with you? I'll send you to another world. A new life, a new chance to live the way you wanted, in a world better suited to your way of thinking. To your fantasies. What do you say?"
"Huh? What did you just say?" I couldn't hide my disbelief. "You're joking. I'm dreaming. This is ridiculous. Another world? You're talking about isekai-ing me? Hahaha... that's actually a thing?"
"It is possible. And yes, pretty much: I'm reincarnating you into another world. Exciting, isn't it? Either way, please make up your mind. I said I don't sense hostility from the thing holding your soul, but it clearly doesn't want me talking to you. It's trying to devour me, and that's quite disturbing."
The voice sounded alarmed now.
Another life...
If I kept this self — the one who had learned so many lessons the hard way — I wouldn't fail next time. And it wasn't as if I had a choice. If I refused, that girl would die, right?
What a bother. If she died because of this, then dying to save her would have meant nothing.
"So, what's it going to be? I'm sorry, but I've reached my limit here. Decide now: a new beginning, or rest in this... void."
"But I have so many questions before I can decide!"
"Look, I have two minutes at best before I must leave you. Here's the short version. You'll keep all your memories and your sense of self — otherwise, that thing won't follow you. As for abilities, I'll give you most of my spiritual energy. That world isn't overseen by us, but with this much power, you'll be quite gifted. Hero material, with all the perks that come with it. That's enough talk. Time's almost up. What do you say?!"
A hero. I would never be that, whatever it said. But there was nothing left to think about. One more chance at happiness.
"I accept. But screw the hero business. I'll live for my own sake, not to save strangers."
"Hahaha! You really are interesting. I'd have a few words about that declaration, but what I don't have is time. Goodbye. I wish you happiness and luck in your new life."
Its voice was warm.
The last thing I remember is the energy flooding into me. Something inside me was changing as I sank deeper into the darkness, pulled far, far away. I could think only one thing.
Goodbye, Adrian. Rest well within the new me that will be born. I won't let it end like this again. All your pain and disappointment will give the new me the strength to reach the life we want. So sleep now. Thank you for your hard work.
I could almost see him in front of me — myself, looking back.
As I lost consciousness, I thought: this is probably the kindest I've been to myself in years. How ironic. I had to die to show myself a little love.
What a shame.