Lativ, unsure but sensing the seriousness, immediately knelt.
His noble upbringing took over him. "This subject is willing to be punished. Please forgive my transgression, Your Highness."
Ett opened her mouth, "I am the Empress Dowager, mother of His Majesty, and—"
She inhaled a breath.
This stupid cough, if it knows it's getting lengthy and confrontational, has more time to show itself.
"The matron, look up," she commanded.
As soon as Lativ looked at her, she saw his various expressions, a dumbfounded expression; Ett knew there was more of a chance that he wouldn't believe her.
Who in their right mind would?
Let's see how loyal he is and how much love he has; Ett doesn't care. She said it, and whatever Akan had in mind, it would be adjusted.
Plans are always changing anyway.
Besides, in terms of the novel's canon, it shouldn't be that big of a deal.
"Leave. Go ask Butler Xiwen or Akan."
"Your Highness…Your Grace…"
"Leave."
"Y-Yes, this…this subject obeys."
Look at that blank expression. He even forgot to bow as he went out.
Indeed, the moment Lativ left Ett's study, he was still in deep thought.
He shook his head.
The princess…why would she lie? Why would she lie to reject his affection?
Lativ knew the princess didn't love him, yet he still wanted to express it.
It was a good thing he wasn't beheaded.
And what if it was true?
Lativ paused.
"What if it's true?"
He repeated the words to himself, mumbling them.
"No, so what if it's true?"
"Alright, I'll ask Butler Xiwen; he won't have any reason to lie." Lativ, who had been jolly during his visit to Ett, now wore a serious look.
He went straight to the Training Ground, where Butler Xiwen would always wait for him, earlier than intended.
But today, he would be the one waiting.
He waited for a few more hours, for he didn't know where Butler Xiwen had gone, and there were few maids in the palace. Sometimes, talking to them made him uncomfortable; at times, guilty.
They were, after all…brainwashed. They were like puppets. They were puppets, keeping secrets inside the palace.
"I thought no matter how dark this place is, I could endure it as long as I saw the princess."
But what if she wasn't the princess?
Lativ patted his chest.
He had read it in a book before, an intriguing one from his father's library, and he knew that some nobles would marry someone older than themselves. It didn't matter whether it was a lady or a gentleman. The only problem was if the lady was older and couldn't bear a child. That was why noblemen always wanted those of a certain age.
The younger the better. Did he care about that?
To be honest, no.
But the one he admired had the blood of an Adiand royalty. It wasn't simple. She was out of his reach.
Lativ stared at the sky.
"Like the sun."
And the moon.
The stars surrounding it.
"Oh, why must my first love be this tragic and intriguing?"
His mother would have fainted if she knew, and his father would have him locked up. Once his mother regained consciousness, she'd wildly request that noble ladies come to him.
Heh.
"There may be another who will walk beside you beneath its light?"
Lativ drowned in his thoughts until the appointed time for Butler Xiwen's sword training.
"Oh, unexpectedly, you've arrived earlier."
Butler Xiwen uttered with a frown. This young lord always comes late, wearing a grin that reaches his ears every day.
Now, he looks troubled.
Who else could trouble this young man, who could learn anything with passion, but the one who inspired him?
Butler Xiwen felt that something was awfully wrong today.
He sat beside Lativ.
"What troubles you, young lord?"
Lativ sighed. Seems like it's time already.
"Sire…"
"Speak."
"I confessed my affection to Her Highness."
"…"
Don't you always say so?
"She said she's the Empress Dowager and I should find another love."
"…"
Well. It seems Her Grace is weary and annoyed with Akan's play—a tug-of-war when all that relates to love is not Her Grace's strong claim, after all.
Seeing that Butler Xiwen did not answer, Lativ's voice became choked. "So, it's true then."
This time, Butler Xiwen was the one who sighed. "We didn't tell you at first since you are new, and it's complicated. If word gets out, then you'll be held liable. It's not something you merely believe is true."
Lativ looked down, a shadow lingering over his body. Butler Xiwen's heart softened, filled with guilt. He drew closer and tapped his shoulder.
"This is the biggest secret we have. For some unknown reason, the Empress Dowager turned into a child, and we don't know if she'll be able to return to her normal stature."
"I did not believe witchcraft existed."
"Not entirely so, maybe. We don't know as well. But indeed, she is the Empress Dowager in flesh. The Emperor's mother."
Such a big secret, Lativ knows he'll die if he even utters this secret to his mother and father. He can only stay silent. The more he knows, the more he'll worry his parents.
As long as they don't say it, he can directly ask. It's too bold and presumptuous, especially now that he has not earned any achievements to warrant such pardon.
"I…I had fallen in love with someone close to my mother's age."
"…"
Well, the Empress Dowager is indeed in her thirties.
"Is it a sin to love someone like Her Grace, Butler?"
Lativ's body trembled. When he looked at Butler Xiwen, his eyes were already red, and he was about to cry.
Oh, this little man's heart has taken a heavy blow.
Xiwen hugged Lativ.
"It's no sin to love someone so young, for love is the purest longing of the heart."
He smiled tenderly, looking at the heartbroken young man.
"A young sapling may yearn for the moon's subtle glow, but it must first grow its roots deep into the land. In time, when your spirit has ripened, and your steps are firm, love will come to you as it is meant to."
Butler Xiwen let go of his hug and tapped his shoulder.
"For now, cherish this feeling, for it speaks of the greatness your heart is capable of, but do not be ensnared by what cannot be touched."
"Sire…"
"You can rest your head on me. It's alright."
Just like a great dam holding back a flood, Lativ wept in silence. "T-Thank you, sire. Please don't tell my mother and father."
Lativ's heart couldn't beat it. He'll tell them when he's ready. For now, he needed to let it out.
Butler Xiwen smiled gently, patting his head. "Worry not."
"I-I wish I were older!"
Butler Xiwen smiled helplessly.
In his mind, he could only say, 'If you were, who knows if you'd be one of those floating people in the river? But seeing how witty you are, you may have survived. But reminiscing about the time the previous emperor chose the husband of the dowager, his heart could not help but grow heavy.'
It was a blessing that this young boy wasn't born in those troubled times.
"All is well."
Truly, you're in a much better time.
"T-This will be the last time I'll cry because of H-Her Grace!"
"Yes, yes."
Butler Xiwen continued to console him.
Ah, young love. How cruel it was to a heart that knew nothing of the world, yet how brave it was to offer everything to someone it could never have.
Perhaps that was the tragedy of first love. It did not always come to stay; sometimes, it came only to teach the heart what it meant to lose.
Butler Xiwen looked up at the sun that's about to set, his smile fading ever so slightly.
"Tell me, young lord," he murmured. "If loving someone meant losing everything, would you still choose to love them?"
Lativ raised his tear-stained face.
For the first time that afternoon, Butler Xiwen found himself hoping the boy would not understand the question—not yet, at least. Some truths about love were too cruel for a heart so young to bear.