I still don't know her name, and the only way for me to progress in my love story is to talk my way to the girl sitting beside her. Why, you may ask? The girl that sits beside her on the bus most of the time is in my class.
Jessica, the total opposite of me, She talks to everyone in our class, and somehow she is a friend to everyone in the standard. Who has this much popularity?
Anyway, she isn't the important subject at hand.
I sit on the far end of the bus while they sit on the opposite end. It's fortunate that the gods were on my side. I was always able to take sneak peeks at her easily, even when the school bus would overflow. Only the slightest bit of the glance of her side profile was enough to make my heart throb.
But, being the coward that I am, I couldn't muster up a single ounce of courage to say hello to her. At home, I would blame myself, condemn myself, and get hyped up right before bed thinking tomorrow would be the day I talked to her, but I couldn't. The words were almost at my throat but weren't able to come out. My head started to fill with mixed emotions of frustration, nervousness, and a tinge of disappointment
One time I tried to confront my fears and confront her for once and for all but I ended up getting cold feet at the final moment. I berated myself to the point that I tried not to think of her anymore and I was almost successful in overcoming that fear but-
I was sitting on my usual seat as well as her beside my classmate. Then suddenly they both looked back at the same time. I almost had a heart attack since I was already looking in her direction. Jesica pointed behind but I couldn't pinpoint exactly where she was aiming for.
For a minute I was lightened up with bright colors since I thought they were talking about me but then I realized that I have more fears than I have imagined. "They must be talking about me..." Did I look funny? Did they see me picking my nose? Are they making fun of me? Or did they point to someone else?
All sorts of negative thoughts came over me. How much of a self loathing animal am I?
"What are you thinking so hard for?"
As I was lazing around in the PE period at the corner a friend of mine came over.
"Self loathing." I replied.
"..." He made a creeped out face and blurted, "How can you say such cringe lines so easily? Seriously, you need to meet new people." He said.
"How can you say that with a straight face?" I asked him.
"What do you mean?" With a seriously confused face he looked at me.
"You know how much of a hassle it is to talk to new people? I need to maintain a certain distance with them, not too close as to invade their personal space nor too far as to look distant. Also I need to watch my words especially since truth doesn't bring harmony to any. ANd you ask me to meet new people?"
"..."
"What?" I asked since his only expression of stress.
"You are dead inside, aren't you?" He asked.
"That's offensive, why would you say that to me?" I asked.
"Well the way you talk is just weird yet somehow interesting..." With that being said he left me behind and went to show off his calisthenics to the class.
What shall we do now?
The earlier thought was eating me alive while I couldn't do anything to ask Jessica what's all that about since it might turn awkward if it wasn't in my direction indeed.
Coping with my inner threats, one day Jessica suddenly came to me while our period had just gotten over. I don't usually talk with her since she being the doll of the class wouldn't match with me, nevertheless, she came to me.
"Axel you got a minute?" She asked.
"?"
"You know the girl namly Alice from our bus?" She asked.
I pictured her of course, my crush but I didn't let my emotions take over. Yes it might seem like how I know for sure if it's her or not. Well my guess is that Jessica wouldn't talk to me about some random stranger who is on our bus. If anything she is most likely to be talking about someone she has been friends with or have been interacting with. Those hints led me straight to her.
Yet I'm an idiot to the core, "Who?" I really said that.
"You know the girl I have been sitting with in the bus. Don't you remember the one who is a year younger than us?" Jessica tried to give out more details.
"... I don't really remember. But if you say so, what's the matter with her?" I asked, trying to sound that I couldn't care less with whom she sits.
"Well the- '' She seemed hesitant all of a sudden. That was rare for her.
And I also noticed she was alone which made me question her behavior even more. She is never alone.
"What's the matter?" I asked again.
"Well Alice said that you look cute that's all."
With that she went to her group.
I sat on my bench and heard the word
"CUTE"
Reverting back constantly.