OK, Don Rubber again, so let me tell you how the war started. Let's say it started very slow. I worked at the Nerf Elite Is manufacturer Because our brand N-strike needs to get off the ground.
You see, nerf N-strike Elite, Had one of the greatest armies on the island, and for their generosity, they wanted to help the people of N-strike get off their feet. When in reality, they tried to subjugate us and take our land. So I've been working with them ever since.
I had to. N-strike wasn't a superpower anymore, and I needed the money. So now I am a Nerf Elite employee. What's my job, you may ask? Well, I'm glad you asked. My job is to pick up the darts.
But don't let that job fool you. My job is the most important job of all. Nerf guns are useless without thee Darts. Everybody knows that.
So the form was jitting loading darts into the magazines, minding my own business. When my coworker, Elon Elon. CHe came over to bother me instead of doing his job. He looks down and talks to me, but I pay no attention to him.
Elon: "Still Loading darts into those
magazines again Donny boi?"
Don: "Well, obviously, Elon."
Elon: "Yeah, but we finished a load of mags 2 hours ago. Why are you loading more?"
Don: Elon "I know you didn't come here; just to talk to me about work you don't care about, Or was it the alien thing again?"
Elon: "The alien thing."
Don: "Alright, I split it out." "I'm sick and tired of loading these mags anyway."
He talks about aliens almost daily, like a running gag or something. It can get pretty annoying, which is ironic because I'm a firm believer in Aliens as well. I am very superstitious.
But don't think he's lazy. Elon is also a hard worker, and that's his job. But whenever we get the chance, we talk about aliens.
Elon: "No, that's not possible."
Don: "I'm telling you, aliens. Aliens Common invade us."
Elon: "Not true, not true." "They would Come to observe us and see how we're doing. I don't see why they would destroy what they don't understand, Not like us."
Don: " I disagree." "A superior species wouldn't waste their time observing they're probably more advanced than us and can easily destroy us."
Elon: "So what are you saying We're dumb."
Don: "No, there's not what I mean." "Compared to nerf technology and alien technology, we would lose." "Plus, as a people were too divided to work together."
Elon: "No dog, I will doubt that for the rest of my life."
"Hey, nerd! You guys still talk about stuff that doesn't matter."
The person that interrupted our story was an A nerf elite Soldier, and his name was Chestnut. "Quote on quote" Commander Chestnut, and it's too spineless companions Fatboy Chili and Skinny twig Lily.
Chestnut: "Hey hey, I thought I told you loafers to stop making up reasons to skip out on work!"
Chili: "Yeah!"
Lily: "Yeah, what he said."
Elon: "Okay, I'm going to need you to take it down to a two, and second off, we already finished our wor, Chestnut."
Chestnut: "That Commander Chestnutt, t you waste of air." "What did I tell you guys about doing your work so fast."
Don: "Well, listen, Chestnut."
Chestnut: "Commander!"
Don: "Commander Chestnut, it's not our fault that the work is so darn easy." "Plus, we are one of the fastest workers in the whole department, so why are you so hostile."
Chestnut: "Oooooooh, so think just because the job is done, you too can go on break."
Don: "What? I didn't say that-
Chestnut: "WRONG!!!"
Chili and Lily: "WRONG!!!"
Chestnut: "There's always something to do here." "You just need to find it like a real soldier."
Lily: "Yeah, you're having lazy people like you makes the rest of this department look bad."
Chili: "Yeah, they probably didn't finish it at all, Just making excuses."
Elon: "1st, You wish we're a Commander 2nd, The only reason you're talking to us is that have nothing else better to do, And 3rd get out of here chestnut. Why don't you and your backup dancer go play pretend somewhere else." "You know where I can't see you.,
Elon: "This is why nobody likes you guys."
The three of them looked that each other
The 3 of them looked at each other with an angry expexpressionshen chili walked up and hit Elon in the chest.
Elon:
Chili: "Bring it."
The both of them clash, Rolling on the floor, punching each other in the face, Pulling each other's hair." It was like watching snakes fighting over an egg.
Elon and Chili roll on the floor. Back-and-forth, While the other three stare.
While I was distracted, Lily tried to attack me and throw a punch with his noodle arms.
Don: "Dirty move Lily."
Lily: "There are no rules in a street fight."
Don: "It's not even a street fight, you dumb blonde!%
Lily: "AHHHH!!!"
When I wasn't looking, chestnut kicked the back of my knee.
Don: "Ouch, my Tibia!"
Then Chestnut punched me in the back of the head. Then I grabbed him and threw him into Lily.
They flop on the floor. But quickly get back up and tackle me.
Chestnut: "You two slackers never had respect for me. So I'm teaching you a lesson."
Don: "The only reason you're here is that you're bored, and you wanted to pick a fight."
Chestnut: "Maybe."
While chestnut was winding up for a punch, a female voice interrupted the scuffle.
[Female Voice]: "Attention, you stupid monkeys!!"
We all looked up and saw The natural leader of the group, Sarah.
Sarah: "Ten-hut!!!"
All 5 of us lined up.
Sarah: "The next time I see you Maggot slack, you'll be cleaning." "The fortress for the next month! Do I make myself clear!"
Everyone: "I SIR!!!"
Sarah: "I CAN HERE YOU!!!!!!!"
Everyone: "I SIR!!!"
Sarah: "Really good why do I constantly have to find you yuhas always fighting!"
"fighting over absolutely nothing!"
Sarah: "Now I want all you sorry, Mother Hubbert, to Get your keesters to the boardroom in 10 minutes!"
Everyone: "I SIR!!!"
Sarah: "Why are you still here!? NOW NOW NOW!!!!! Move it, move it, your tiny little crap drops!!!!"
All 5 of the book it to the boardroom where the rest of the N-strike employees are held. But before that, we had to get a scan to verify our identities.
[Computer] Scanning.
[Name] Don Rubber
[Squad] 4
[Series] N-strike Elite
[Class] Darts Collector
[Home Base] N-strike Basin 3
[Body] Blue Eyes, Blue Hair, Pale Skin,
[Code] 1-3-2-4
[Name] Elon Elon
[Squad] 4
[Series] N-strike Elite
[Class] Darts Collector
[Home Base] Rival Basin 8
[Body] Blue Eyes, Blue Hair, Pale Skin,
[Code] 5-3-8-5
[Name] Commander Chestnut Lynn
[Squad] 3
[Series] N-strike Elite
[Class] Ground Trooper
[Home Base] Elite Basin 3
[Body] Brown Eyes, Black Hair, White Skin,
[Code] 9-0-5-5
[Name] Chili Walker
[Squad] 3
[Series] N-strike Elite
[Class] Heavy
[Home Base] N-strike Basin 1
[Body] Red Eyes, Blonde Hair, Tan Skin,
[Code] 1-5-2-7
[Name] Lily Pad
[Squad] 3
[Series] N-strike Elite
[Class] Heavy
[Home Base] N-strike Basin 1
[Body] Red Eyes, Blonde Hair, White skin,
[Code] 0-0-0-3
[Name] Sarah Flounders
[Squad] 4
[Series] N-strike Elite
[Class] Commander
[Home Base] N-strike Basin 3
[Body] Black Eyes, Black Hair, White skin,
[Code] 1-7-8-8
[Computer] Scan successful—identification complete.
After that, we all had to sit in a dank cramp room that could only hold 200 people instead of 1000. Most of these
One thousand people were from N-strike, not Elite, So the hierarchs gave us the short end of the stick.
As we all sat clamped together, Sarah gave us a briefing.
Right beside are her two lieutenants Snowball and Tiny? Snowball is a lovely lady of The N-strike Elite tech battalion, and Tiny is a tall, muscular woman and is the second commanding officer of squad 4. That's my squad.
Sarah: Alright, privates, It's time to talk about our totals for this month. Snowball, List of our daily reports.
Snowball: Sir.
Snowball: Our daily report. We've estimated 25,000 darts this month. That's less than the 35,000 darts we made last month. 10%, that's no good for your usual stretch goals.
Snowball: We got to do better than we are now to increase this army's power.
So I think the best possible solution is to cut the lunch break by 5 minutes.
[Everyone groan]
Snowball: Hey hey hey, I don't want to hear it. This is the only way we can achieve better stretch goals.
N-strike employees soldier 1: But what about my mental health?
Snowball: It's expendable
N-strike employees soldier 1: Uh maaannn.
Lily: [Raise his hand]
Snowball: Yes, Lily.
Lily: How many minutes is 5 minutes? Because I run on a vegan diet, and it requires those 5 minutes.
Elon: What kind of vegan diet requires five more minutes?
Snowball: Elon, Shut up.
Elon: I'm just saying.
Lily: Yeah, so we get a 15-minute lunch break, but I'm going to need those five minutes for my Legumes.
Lily: You see, I eat my salad for 2 minutes, my Tofu platter for 1 minute, my Hemp for 7 minutes, and my Legumes for 5 minutes.
Elon: Why do you need 7 minutes for Hemp? Just scarf down the food. It's just planned; it's not like you're eating anything palatable.
Snowball: Elon, Shut up.
Elon: I'm just saying.
Snowball: You're Saying nothing. Shut it or shut up, and Lily, you don't need 15 minutes to eat your food. Just scarf it down.
Lily: Wha!?
Snowball: What was that?
Lily: I SIR.
Snowball: Now, all in favor of the next decision.
[Chestnut raises his hand and the minority.]
Snowball: All opposed.
[The majority raises their hand.]
Snowball: All opposers put your hands down; your opinion doesn't matter.
Elon:
Snowball: Alright, dismiss, eat your lunch and come back for the second briefing.
The audience, What you've read was all the briefing has to offer. The only and only thing we mainly talk about in briefing rooms is how many darts we made that month or year. And nothing else. What a waste.
I would rather die in A-war than talk about how blue darts can be. I wish I could be in the army. Or have my army. That would be nice. But from that day onward, I think that dream will never come. I thought about that for a long time.
Now I have to tell you about how we live in Nerf society.
You see, having a fortress in Nerf is very, very important. You can't have a Nerf war without a base; it's the rule of law. So every single Nerf base is the combination of a military base and a city. Medieval walls wrapped around a city with skyscrapers.
After 2 minutes of briefing, Elon and I took a break at the nearby bar, where it all began.