The rhythm of the horse galloping sounds more like the beat of his heart. He just stared out the window, wishing he had arrived sooner.
Suddenly, Duke Remus breaks the silence with an unexpected question.
"Calisto, do you like my daughter?" The Duke asked as he looked at Sir Calisto, looking restless. He just asked to test the water.
Sir Calisto was surprised to hear his question.
"She's a good friend of mine. I'm willing to do anything for her, "he replied quickly.
"Do you realise your actions don't contradict your words?"
The Duke said while Sir Calisto just stayed silent without words.
"If you are willing to do anything for her, would you still mean as a friend or more?" The Duke continued.
"You are a good person, Calisto. If you like my daughter, I wouldn't intrude. I will be more than happy to accept you," the duke continued.
He, who was looking restless before looked straight into Duke Remus's eyes and answered his question.
"Duke Remus, I like Deanna. She's everything to me," Sir Calisto confessed.
"I am not a good father to Deanna, so I hope you can treat her better than I do. If you care for her, treat her well. She deserves more than she gets,"the duke said.
"I will, Duke. I promise," Sir Calisto said with a reassuring look.
After almost an hour had passed, they arrived at the household. Sir Calisto walked side by side with Duke Remus to my room.
At the entrance of my bedroom door, his heart was beating louder than ever. He misses me but doesn't know what to expect behind that closed door; am I painfully injured or just having a bad cold? He was anxious yet desperate.
Sir Calisto quietly entered the door after receiving a green light from the maid who attended me.
As the duke felt ashamed and guilty of what happened, he went separate ways.
"Calisto," I said with a smile.
Then Sir Calisto walked towards me, who was working on what to do for the children at my work table.
"I heard you are not well. You should get some rest," he said with a worried face, while he placed his hand on my forehead.
"I am fine now," I said while pulling his hand away from my forehead.
"Let me see," he said as he turned me towards him.
"What happened to your leg? Does this look fine to you? Does it hurt? Who did this to you?" he continued, with his words as fast as the beat of his heart.
"Calisto, look at me," I said while holding his shoulder, as he was kneeling in front of me.
I could feel his hands trembling when he held my injured leg. Though it was not painful anymore, I still kept the bandages on to deceive the eyes around me. I have to convince him that I am alright as it is painful to see him like this.
"Calisto, I'm truly fine," I gave him a reassuring smile.
"Why are you smiling?" His voice was warm yet firm.
"Please, don't hide from me. I wish you would lean on me sometimes. Am I not that trustworthy to you?" He continued.
I just sat there silently with no words coming out. It is not because I did not trust him that I didn't tell him, it is because I have a mind of not wanting to share my troubles or any sort of negativity with others. I did not want others to worry about me. That is one of the reasons I tend to force a smile on my face.
I am a liar who smiles when sad and says 'I am okay' while holding back my tears.
Furthermore, we live in a world full of liars, traitors, insensitive, and greedy people. Those who claim to love us sometimes are the ones who throw dirt in our faces. Hence, without realising it, we tend to not share our secrets or concerns. We believe that this will make us vulnerable to threats and lies. We are all scared of getting hurt or have been hurt before, so we tend to protect ourselves from it happening. Hence, some would rather sit with their own conflict, because if they didn't, they believe that the cycle of pain and heart-wrenching will come.
Moreover, many didn't say or realize, but we live by our expectations. The belief that when we are in love, we will always care for their wellbeing. Thus, this shapes our expectation. Hence, when they don't show the affection that we are seeking, we unconsciously question their love for us. Some would tell us lies that it didn't matter, as long as we knew they love us, but it is just a word we are just trying to convince, protect, and make ourselves feel good. Who doesn't want to be care for and love? I know it seems selfish, but that's how it is. We crave love and acceptance to show that we are here; alive and happy.
"Calisto. Thank you," I said.
"I am happy to have you as a friend," I continued.
He just stared straight at me, and suddenly he gave me a big warm hug.
"Calisto, everything's fine. I promise you, next time I will tell you if anything bad happens, "I said while stroking his back.
"Deanna…," he whispered silently, though he stopped before finishing his words.
Then, he broke himself from hugging me and continued his words.
"Deanna, will you marry me?" he said. His voice was low, but his eyes were full of desire.
"Calisto, I told you last time, didn't I? I see you as nothing more than a close friend," I said.
"But I love you. Why don't you give me a chance?" He said. His voice was trembling, and his eyes were like a lost puppy.
"Calisto, stop. You deserve someone better than me," I said.
"At this moment, I'm not looking for love. I have things to accomplish first. It's better if you don't wait for me. I didn't want to be the one who held you back," I continued to try to push him away from the marriage talk.
" I can wait for you, Deanna, as long as you want," he said desperately.
"Calisto! Please stop, I don't want to hear about this anymore. You should go if you want to talk about this. You can come visit me again when you have better things to talk about," I pulled my hand away from his grasp and continued writing my plan for the children without even looking at him.
I feel bad acting as such, but I didn't want to give him hope. I can't promise him love because I am still learning to love myself. How can I give one when I am still in doubt?
"I am sorry," he said, and slowly walked out of the room. His pace was slow, as his feet were dragging him across my bedroom floor.
Before he went home, he visited Duke Remus's office to inform a few things that were lingering in his mind.
"Duke, I have a proposal to make regarding Deanna," he said.
" What do you mean?" The duke said.
"I promise to always take care of Deanna, so in all events to come I will act as her partner," he said.
"That is not my position to agree. If you want her to be your partner, you will have to ask yourself," the duke said.
"Sorry, please listen first. I am the closest person to your daughter. I love her, and with me by her side, I promise I will cherish and always be with her. She will be shower with nothing but love and happiness. Besides, I am the next Dean of Quirinus. The future of your daughter with me will never be bleak," he said with pride. He knew the Duke wouldn't disagree as he treasure his daughter.
The Duke who was neglecting his daughter thought it was a good idea as he knew how close both of us were. Besides, he believes that this was the only way to make sure her daughter stay safe and happy.
"Calisto, I can't promise you the future, but I'll give you all the right to accompany my daughter and care for her. The future is for her to decide. Whatever she decide, it's all up to her and I will always support her," the duke said.
" Thank you, Duke," he said happily as he got the permission he's seeking.
Following his meeting with the Duke, he walked alone to the carriage that the Duke had arranged. During his walk, he was stopped by Eliana, who was on her way out to meet Lady Dulcea.
"Sir Calisto, what brings you here?" Eliana asked happily, with a gentle posture.
"I have a meeting with the Duke," he said.
"It feels so long since I last see you," she said shyly.
"Yes. I am sorry, I have to go now," he said.
"I am sorry for holding you up," she said.
"Sir Calisto, would you like to go to the ball with me?" She asked, with her cheeks as red as tomatoes.
"I am sorry. I have someone already. I have to go now," he said, and hurriedly walked away. He usually does not act like this, but at that moment he doesn't feel like talking. His mind was jumbled with the thought of me.
She was annoyed, and her face now was red due to anger and shame. Her mind was thinking about who would be the woman that he would bring to the ball.
After some time, she met Lady Dulcea at the cafe as planned. Each of them enjoyed a cup of coffee before proceeding to buy all the things that were needed. While drinking, Eliana was complaining to Lady Dulcea about what had just happened.
"Dulcea, I am so annoyed right now. That woman must have brainwashed my sweet Calisto," she said.
"What are you talking about? What woman?" Lady Dulcea asked.
"The woman that will go with Calisto to the ball, I am sure she did something,"she said.
"Calisto didn't act like his usual self. There must be someone forcing him," she continued accusing.
"My poor Calisto," she continued, feeling sorry for Sir Calisto.
"So, who are you going with?" Lady Dulcea asked.
"I don't know. Nobody better than Calisto," she said.
"Except for my Leon. I can't wait to meet him. I can already hear the wedding bells. Everyone will be jealous of me, not just because of my beauty but also because I got the best man in the country," Lady Dulcea was happy just thinking about it. Everyone wanted both of them to be together, as they described it as a match made in heaven, so there was no problem for her. Hence, it is because of this acclaim that Eliana envied Lady Dulcea.
"Hurry, we have to go now," Eliana said as she changed the subject.
Then both of them walked to the most well-known store in the capital. Lady Dulcea bought the most beautiful dress from there, where everyone who walked past it could only steal a glance. The price was beyond the roof, nobody could afford it but the daughter of the Ministry of Finance. On the other hand, Eliana also doesn't want to be left behind and bought the most dazzling dress that sparkles more than a diamond.
" I can't wait for the day to come," Lady Dulcea said.
" Leon has been so busy with work that I haven't had a chance to meet him," she continued.
"You don't have to worry, Dulcea. He is yours already. I am the one who should be worried. I don't have a partner and Calisto.." her voice sounded weak as she was reminded of whats the future will be for her and Calisto. She wanted him badly, but it was so hard to have him. Her actions can be seen as strong sometimes, but even she has her ups and downs.
"It's alright, Eliana. He just hasn't realised it yet. When time comes, he will be all over you," Lady Dulcea said as she tried to comfort Eliana.
"Just...Sometimes I can see you look a bit plain. You should take better care of yourself," she continued.
"And when you talk…I think it's better you watch and learn from me," Lady Dulcea said with pride.
"Is it that bad?" She asked, worriedly.
"It'll improve," Lady Dulcea said, while absorbed in choosing necklaces.
"This is beautiful, isn't it? I can't wait to show it to Leon," she continued, while mesmerizing her beauty with the accompaniment of a diamond necklace.
"Yes, Dulcea," she said. She's a bit down, though she tried to hide it. She's sad and angry.' Why can't she get what she wants like Lady Dulcea?' is all she thinks right now.
Jealousy is a negative emotion as we envy others who have what we desire. When we start comparing ourselves with others, we will start finding our weaknesses and insecurities. The goodness that we have, we tend to set it aside as it is not that important in our eyes. Everyone is different in their own way. Why do we always find the bad in ourselves? Why did the good not matter as the bad one? Why we did overthrow ourselves? Why we seeks perfection when we know everyone's not perfect?
We need to have pride and love ourselves. Think about all the good things that we have, which sometimes we tend to overlook.
Moreover, have we ever considered that maybe there were other person envy of us? Would it be more suprising if the person we envy off are the person who envy us?