Elixir hid behind the stare case as Helios walked into the club room. "What am I doing?" he murmured. He looked at Helios before hiding his face again. "I can't face senior! Not like this! It feels like I've done something incredibly wrong!" Elixir squatted down, pulling his hair. "What are you doing?" Alexandra stood in front of him. Elixir looked up at her with a dreadful expression. "I can't look at him!" He stood up suddenly and walked in circles, murmuring unknown words to himself.
Helios placed his bass on top of the platform before climbing up to sit on the platform too. He subconsciously looked around as if he were looking for something. "It's quiet." He said to himself. He lay down looking at the ceiling, not knowing what to do. He went to the club out of habit, but something seemed to be missing. Although he can't figure out what it is. "I haven't seen Elixir since the competition." He closed his eyes, hugging his bass.
"What's wrong with you?" Alexandra slapped Elixir. He stood in place, holding his red cheek in shock. "What was that for?" Elixir rubbed his cheek gently. His body slid down the wall, his hand dropping down to his side. He squished his head with both his arms in frustration. "I don't know what's wrong! just can't face Senior like this! We haven't eaten lunch together for days now! I can't take this!" He groaned. Alexandra was disgusted with his words. She went down to his level, pulled his face to look at her, and slapped him again.
"Be a MAN!" Elixir looked at her with terror and teary eyes. What does that even supposed to mean? "I'm a MAN!" Elixir suddenly stood up,
"You're a MAN!" Alexandra followed.
"I'm a MAN!!" They started raising their hands, cheering
"YOU'RE A MAN!"
"I'M A MAN!" Elixir flexed his muscles, and so did Alexandra
"YOU'RE A MAN"
"I'M A-"
"What are you two doing?" Helios stood dumbfounded, looking at them as if he was so done with everything. He asked them, but deep down he didn't wanna know what and why they are doing that. "Senior..." They say in unison, awkwardly laughing and avoiding looking at their senior.
"Are you two coming in?" They clumsily picked up their things and went inside.
"It's not as weird as you might think, sen-" Helios stopped Elixir. " I don't wanna know"
The three awkwardly went in together, Alexandra nudged Elixir's shoulder, and he nudged her back. Helios sat down on stage right beside the drums. Elixir didn't know what else to do except sit down right beside Heliows attentively watching him play. Alexandra, on the other hand, was left in the middle of the room, standing, watching them, feeling like an outsider. She thought they were actually in a fight, but it doesn't seem like it anymore. That makes sense since Elixir is stupid and Helios isn't. She didn't plan on staying here that long anyway; she just wanted to take some of the leftover snacks and leave.
"Are you avoiding me? You haven't stopped by my classroom for four days now." Helios gently placed his bass in its container. Elixir's hands stop playing with his drums. "What...? Were you waiting for me, senior?" Elixir slowly looked sideways at the man sitting on the floor beside him. "No, I was not; You didn't answer my question." Elixir smiled, barely tapping the cymbals with his drumstick. "Nah... What should we eat tomorrow, senior? My treat."
Elixir stood up, ignoring him, "We should probably get going, huh, senior." Elixir skipped out of the club room, his hand on Helios' shoulder, pushing him out with his body. Maybe he was just overthinking it, now he made his senior upset. "Should we walk home together today, too, senior?"
Both of them walked outside the school. Helios was not carrying anything at all. Elixir, on the other hand, was holding on to two backpacks and a gig bag that obviously belonged to someone else. "Can you just give me back my things?" Helios was esasperated. "I saw a new cafe just a few blocks from here," Helios continued walking, not even bothering to answer him; Elixir smiled and decided to take this as a 'yes'. Elixir's arms crawled to Helios' shoulder, it fell to Helios' back to his hip, lingering longer than it should, till finally it was back in Elixir's pocket.
Helios didn't want to acknowledge what happened. He steped back a bit, ignoring the warmth Elixir's hand left; something too casual; and like what they established before- he's straight. And anyway, Elixir has always been weird. Soon they arrived at the cafe, which felt more like a pastry shop with all the baked goods displayed on its shelves. "It looks expensive here..." Helios murmured. "Hmmm?" Elixir didn't quite hear him; Elixir tilted slightly and lowered his back to align with Helios' height. Helios didn't talk. "Let's get our drinks then." Elixir pulled Helios towards the back of the line.
"What do you like?" Helios looked up at the different types of coffees on the screen. "Just pick anything." Helios finally opened his mouth, "Two iced chocolates then," Elixir smiled at himself. "I wanna try the muffins and chocolate chunk cookies they have," He continued. "I'll go look for a seat." Helios turned his back on Elixir- Elixir kept looking at Helios as he walked away, blending into the small crowd in the cafe. It was strange, like he was emptier now. Elixir wanted to finish ordering and go back to his senior quickly. Elixir kept looking around, trying to spot Helios; Helios was sitting by the window, looking at people walking by, busy with their own lives and thoughts. It was nice... But it was a weird habit of his, getting envious of other people, often wishing he were in their shoes instead.
He knows it is wrong and everyone has their own baggage, but he can't help to think that he would have been better off if he were a completely different person instead."Senior, our order." Elixir kept Helios from his thoughts as his warm smile contrasted their drink. Helios looked down at the ice floating on his chocolate drink as Elixir placed a muffin and a cookie in front of him. "There are actually fewer people today." Elixir noticed his darker mood than usual; he wondered if he was too forceful in pulling Helios into such a place. Were there too many people? Was the place too cramped and crowded? He shouldn't have taken him here; they could have just gone to their usual place.
"I'm fine," Helios tapped his finger on the table beside Elixir's drink. He looked up at his senior and smiled. "Sorry, was I zoning out too much?" Elixir recovered. He felt more nervous than he should be, and probably was overthinking too much of everything. Helios is usually like this... No, he isn't. Who was Elixir even kidding? He hated when his Senior was feeling uncomfortable. "Do you want to take this out to go, senior?" A different place was better anyway- less crowd, more air to breathe.
Elixir stood up to ask for to go bags, Helios couldn't help but feel a bit guilty. It was like he ruined something, but there are times he just couldn't help but have stupid thoughts that make him feel miserable even for no reason at all. Elixir came back and packed their things. "We can stay," Elixir looked at Helios while he packed up their food before smiling at him. "Or... We can sit below the tree we stayed at during the festival," Elixir answered, "I like it there better anyway," He added, gently pulling Helios up by his arm.
After a bit of walking, they both sat down below the tree's shade, which was cooler than when they had both walked in silence by the road. "The ice melted..." Helios held his drink in his arms; the cup was drenched in condensed water vapor; the small ice in his chocolate drink swam freely in the watered-down chocolate. Elixir also looked at his and took a sip, "It's still good." They looked at each other- no words were said; just silence. Elixir's breath hitched, not knowing what to do, yet he couldn't look away. Helios broke eye contact, feeling too heavy, and also took a sip of his drink. "I don't know if it tastes the same." When Helios looked back at Elixir, he was still looking at him. This time, Elixir was the one who broke eye contact. "Have you tried their muffin? It's good," He changed the topic.
Helios also took a bite of the muffin, the grass brushed his other hand gently and the leaves rustled above, on the road bellow, they watched other people walk by till the sky was painted with different shades of yellow, orange, and peach. Both of Helios and Elixir forgets about the outside world; every thing moved slowly around them.
Elixir took a deep breath, noticing how there were fewer and fewer people around- It's time to go, but he still didn't want to. It felt like 30 minutes didn't even pass, but it's already been a few hours.
Helios looked beside him as Elixir started to stand up. "Should we head home?" Elixir offered his hand to his senior; Helios ignored it and stood up on his own. It really felt so peaceful here, Helios forgot what he was even thinking about earlier, it's the first time that he wasn't drowning in his own thoughts as he sat quietly... It felt nice; It felt safe. Elixir's presence somehow always calms him down, even when he acts stupid and weird; it never repeals Helios. Whatever Elixir does is a calm wind brushing through Helios' skin. "Let's go" he answered. Helios walked in front of Elixir, the street lights opened one by one on the streets they walked on, and the sun was almost fully set. Elixir felt the distance that was growing between them, Helios' shodow streached longer and longer as if he became a dimming light. Elixir just watched him, his body moving on his own, till before he knew it, he was reaching out for Helios' hand and holding it tightly.
Helios looked back with the cold wind of the night; None of them let go, accepting the warmth of each other as the stars flickered above them and winds danced around them. It all happened in a flash, Elixir was shaking, not from cold.
Helios pulled his hand away from Elixir as they came near his dorm. Elixir closed his hand into a fist, released the tension in his hand, and pulled them back to his pocket. They both stopped in front of Helios' dorm. Elixir handed Helios his bagpack and gigbag, "I'll go then..." Elixir didn't answer, as if he didn't want him to leave. Helios cleared his throat and turned back to walk away, deciding not to wait for a response. Despite this, Elixir still watched him walk away. "I'll go home safe, Senior." Elixir's voice made Helios stop in his tracks. "Yeah," He answered, not looking back.
Elixir watched as Helios went in, only starting to leave when the door closed. The night was as quiet as before, but it seemed different; a bit dull, the cold air felt stronger, like he had lost his warmth and light. He walked home with his senior on his mind, and still was when he freshened up and when he lay down in his bed. When he closed his eyes- it darted open like a bullet. "Do I like him?!" He sat up, the peace and quiet disturbed by a sudden realization