That was three days after graduation.
12th grade was drastic, I must admit. But did I enjoy it?
Nah. Or maybe I did. Why else am I just sleeping and sleeping?
It feels boring.
She thought, idly.
"It's 12 of the day. If you don't feel like working, at least get up and eat. Rice is going bad," Mother shouted from downstairs.
Reluctantly, Remi dragged her body down. Can't waste food.
By the time she went to eat, it was past 1 PM. Her mother had cooked the lunch already. But only for her and brother.
A normal scenario. We can't waste food. Remi sighed. "No leftovers" was the rule. And that was because there was hardly anything to eat.
With a lazy body, she made a cup of tea and went upstairs. Beside her room, there was an empty space. Father's study room. But instead of her father, she was the regular there.
Reading those old English literature books was not her cup of tea, nor could she afford paper books. So, her routine was to read magazines and sketch a few things. Though she liked to use her brother's computer to create digital paint, it was of limited access.
A whole day passed. Without being lazy, she did nothing. Those sketches hold no value. Nobody admires them.
She didn't know the evening would be so dramatic.
Remi's father used to return after 8pm. That day, he was not only early but was also in a chaotic stance.
He came straight upstairs, opened the door of Remi's room loudly, couldn't find her, and banged it loudly.
From the corner, she was watching him. She was a bit terrified.
He saw me!
Surprisingly, he didn't shout. Rather, he almost ran towards Remi with a big smile. He said a few words and handed her the bag he was carrying.
Baffled, she understood nothing. But before she could say anything, he was gone.
She peeked through the bag.
A dress?
A purple dress, with some stones and shimmery clothes. Remi never owned anything like that. But, instead of being happy, she became terrified.
Marriage
Remi could clearly understand that someone was coming to see her.
A river started to flow from her eyes.
"Is money everything?"
"God, why am I a burden?"
Remi stood there for who knows how long. Only moved after her mother shouted at her. She ran downstairs in a hurry. These people were always feisty, shouting at the top of their lungs. She couldn't get her emotions straight but rather wiped the salty water flowing from her eyes.
"Humans can be defeated this miserably!" Remi's heart softened while she heard the story. For half an hour now, her mother had been talking about this guy Remi was supposed to marry. Unlike other days, Remi was eating freshly cooked food while listening to her mother.
"A guy like Mustafa really deserves justice, don't you think so?" Remi's mother asked.
In response, Remi only nodded. She was still thinking.
To summarize what Remi's mother said, Mustafa was a professor whose wife betrayed him even before their marriage. The story went on like, "Mustafa was a decent guy to begin with. In his whole life all he did was study. Even when girls proposed to him, he didn't go on dating people. As he was quite handsome, many girls would go around him to spend time with him. He even got proposals from girls" families.
But Mustafa was upright. He didn't budge from his goal. That's how he became the top of his university and became a lecturer in no time. And within one year, he got engaged to a girl whom his mother chose for him.
Everything was going ok. This girl was a distant relative of Mustafa. And the way she behaved showed utmost respect toward him. Mustafa was happy. He rented a house near his university. But what happened next was something that he could never imagine. Well, no one could ever imagine that.
Pakistanis usually held a weeklong wedding ceremony. Haldi/Mehendi, Nikah, and Wa'alima are basic. Mustafa wanted a simple wedding. So, they only arranged these three programs. In Haldi, the bride and groom held ceremonies separately. This wedding was no different. However, Mustafa felt like meeting the bride that evening. So, he sneaked out, went to the bride's home, and was about to make a call. But he couldn't. Because a few meters in front of him stood the bride, in another guy's embrace.
Baffled, he returned home.
"What should he even ask the bride? Why should he even? That girl was a bitch. She was after his money. Good thing that Mustafa broke the marriage right away." Her mother stopped after talking for so long. She looked quite angry.
"But shouldn't he have asked?" Remi said hesitantly.
"No. He did the right thing." Mother looked at Remi, smiled, and said, "Remi, go meet him. He is a good guy. Try to not disappoint him and us."
Remi nodded. Well, what else can she even do? Again, this guy didn't sound like a bad guy. He might even...
Remi got up and whooshed her daydream.
I better get ready before I get scolded by my father again.
A small coffee shop. Remi was sitting by a window, the smell of coffee engulfing her. This eighteen or so year old girl was barely familiar with such strong amusement as coffee. Remi was quite uncomfortable. Anyone looking at her could say that by the way she sat.
The counter was a few meters away from the table. A handsome young man stood there, placing the order for him and Remi. After placing the order, the man came to Remi and sat down opposite of her.
"Remi Ahmed," he called.
Remi lifted her face to look at him.
"You seem to be quite nervous," a smile on Mustafa's face while he was inspecting her with his cold eyes.
Remi seemed to have noticed his gaze. She clutched her knees together, becoming more uncomfortable.
"How old are you again?" Asked the guy.
"Eigh... Eighteen," Remi answered while stuttering.
"Old enough..." he muttered, still inspecting her the same.
"Which class are you in?"
Another question...
"Graduated high school," Remi answered, trying her best to not stutter.
"Oh.... So, your father... bears... your college expenses," he muttered under his breath. Remi could barely hear.
"Anyway, it's given that you are marrying me. Do you have any questions about me?" Mustafa asked with a smile.
Right then, a waiter came by to serve food. It was only two brownies and two cups of coffee.
"Go on," he said again.
Remi sat still. Puzzled, she uttered nothing.
Mustafa looked at her and smiled again. Because of that, Remi thought she must ask something. So, without any opening, she asked, "Why didn't you ask the bride if it was her lover or not?"
Hearing that, Mustafa's face started twitching. But he said nothing.
After a long pause, he finally said, "I don't like to talk about the past. I would like it if you don't bring it up ever again."
Mustafa's face reflected sadness.
Remi blushed and said, "I am sorry."
After that, Mustafa ordered sandwiches for them to make the situation lighter. They talked for a while, exchanged contacts, and returned home.
Everything was going smoothly. Remi, despite not wanting to marry right then, was not so against it. Both families decided that the marriage would be held in three months. Remi was ok even when she couldn't enroll in university that year.
"Next year" was what she thought.
In those three months, Remi met Mustafa a few more times. They started texting and all. It would be a lie to say that Remi didn't like him. But...
Yeah, there was a BUT. This BUT started fifteen days into the marriage.
Like a regular day, Remi was busy sketching. Usually, she doesn't get up before finishing a sketch. But that day she did it. And the reason was nothing but her mother's laughter. She had never heard her laugh that way before. She felt delighted. So, she tried to listen a bit more.
Remi's mother was on the phone, saying, "Stop it; you are making me shy."
Remi felt funny. She thought it was her mother's friend in whose house she spends a lot of time. And right when she was going to move away, she heard a word that froze her. "Mustafa"
Frozen, she stood there, hearing nothing else. One thing on her mind was, "Are they flirting...?"
However, Remi never questioned her mother. She believed that would be simply absurd. Until this day...
Was it the fourth month of her pregnancy or the fourth month before giving birth? Remi couldn't remember correctly. But what she remembered was two silhouettes going back and forth, moving in a familiar rhythm that people call sex.
Could the silhouette be more familiar to her than anything else?
She wished to die right there and then. So much so she vomited, fainted, and had a miscarriage right then.
Mother and Mustafa… How? How?
In the hospital bed, in between haze and consciousness, she remembered one thing Mustafa said to her: "I used to like mature women. I think I still do."
Was she laughing that day?!
Hatred?
Don't remember.
Remi woke up in a blank state, with her eyes almost rolling back. If she had anyone around, they would be terrified. When she came back to, she felt something crushing her chest. Abruptly, she got up, shaking her head hard to forget those memories.
Is it depressing? Terrifying? Or just devastating?
But she only felt like laughing.
It's a daily routine for Remi to take a walk in the morning. She would look for stray cats she fed, would talk with her neighbors, and would buy some groceries. That day was no exception. Just Remi was lost, remembering what happened last night.
She remembers chains of events.
First, she went to the kitchen. Two pots were scattered on the ground, and the chopping board lay straight by the kitchen sink. Lucas stood at the door with the knife in his hand.
Remi stood still, wearing the slippers she used in the bathroom.
She was thinking, "Am I hallucinating?"
"Aren't you hallucinating again?" Lucas asked, a smile plastered on his face.
Remi stared at Lucas, and her whole body started to tremble. A loud banging sound started ringing in her head. "Lucas..." she whispered.
Lucas raised an eyebrow. His grin became wider.
Remi's head was ringing loudly. She covered her ears to stop the noise. "Stop..." she whispered.
"Stop, please..." She pleaded, as if pleading would make it any better.
The sound never stopped. So, she closed her eyes and screamed.
A few moments later, when she thought everything had ended as the sound subsided, she opened her eyes.
Second, when she looked, there was nothing. On the kitchen sink, some dirty pots were lying. A chopper board lay by the sink; a knife was on the top of it.
There was no sign of Lucas...
Remi dropped on her knees.
Maybe because she was thinking about murder... Maybe...
"Don't think too much about those murders, Remi." A voice came from the hall room.
Lucas...
"You ended up imagining me as a murderer." Lucas appeared in front of Remi. A huge grin on his face, this time wearing an apron with a lot of paint on it.
Remi looked up, her body trembling slightly.
Lucas extended his hand. "Get up. You will catch a cold if you keep sitting on the floor."
She extended her hand. But everything was fuzzy from then on. The only thing she remembered was waking up in her bed. And the fact that something triggered her to remember her past. But as far as she remembers, Remi lost connection with Lucas before her marriage. She only reached out for him after two years. But then he was gone, forever. So, how could Lucas have triggered anything?
"There's a link missing," Remi muttered. "Should I…"
"You should," said a female voice.
Remi turned around to see. Eden, her neighbor, is a single mother.
"You really should consult with your psychiatrist," Eden said while dragging Remi to her apartment. "I am observing you for a few days. You are not alright."
Remi cooperated with Eden. "He is busy," she said.
Eden turned around. "I'll go with you."
Remi felt bitterness in her mouth. She knew Eden's stubbornness.
"Right now," Eden declared.
"Huh? No… wait, Eden," Remi's resistance was pointless. Not long after, both the girls were in an old sedan.