I looked for Hellfire as I exited the shuttle. The chaos in the hanger was unbelievable, cadets were crying, a few Privates were holding themselves and staring off into space. Didn't we rescue theses people from Zanarkand?The ungodly smell coming from their assigned shuttle was making several pilots and mechanics barf in trash disposals. The last time I witnessed such disarray was on Vampune and that was before I took command of The White Phoenix. I located Hellfire as he was helping the techs off their shuttle, several of them were walking funny. As I neared them, the scent of defecation grew stronger. Musaki gagged and Esqueezeme held her scarf tighter to her nose. "Hellfire, Status report." I had to cough to get the words out of my throat, the stench was so strong. He Looked up when he heard my voice. His whole face screamed for rescue and I don't think it was because of the fiend that tried to turn him and his men into a pancake. "Captain, as we began our return to the ship, the pilot screamed and a massive fiend that looked like it came from the depths of hell swung at the shuttle. We were barely able to avoid the attack, but the techs evacuated their bowels in the process. Only Kyet, Cadet Davies and myself were spared. We have thirteen casualties." Hellfire sounded sad about this outcome. The Private beside him had broken down in tears. He was acting like a wet behind the ears cadet. Davies had more decorum than him at this point. The smell wafted towards me and I took a step away from him. Hellfire was trapped as the Private clutching his tree trunk sized arm began to whimper quietly.
"You broke a Private, Master Gunnery Sargent." Musaki put her hands on her hips and admonished Hellfire. I had to keep a straight face so I didn't voice my opinions as well. "Do you have it's location, Girls get ready. It's messy." They groaned but didn't complain. "Fucking hate it when he says that." Musaki bit out but ran back to her shuttle. "Their shuttle is covered in messy, Captain." Esqueezeme informed me as she turned to follow Musaki. "Sir, you are going after it?" A shaken tech stared at me in shock. I had to fight the urge to gag as he tried to grab at my sleeves. I yanked back before he could touch me. "Listen closely Private, we are not citizens, nor are we fucking scientists. We are soldiers from the fucking Federation of Planets. We do not know what fear is. I don't have pansies in my crew or on my ship. Put on your big girl panties and man the fuck up. Hellfire all personale that shit themselves, are running your gauntlet, no exceptions." I turned away from the smell and jogged back to the shuttle that I used earlier. Esqueezeme was already in her seat and her weapon was in it's rifle form. "What's the game plan?" She spoke. "Stay out range of it's arms. I'll tank it, you and Musaki debuff the thing and deal damage. No brown pants."
"No brown pants, copy." Musaki answered with enthusiasm.
I may have to retract that order. The fiend was massive, it made the shuttle look like a freaking toy. It had three heads one on each arm and an additional arm either on the right or left side depending on which arm it was. The main body had the arms attached to it by a long spine that ended at the base of each opposing arm. The spines sunk slightly in the shifting sand beneath it's body. God-damned nightmare fuel. "Uh Captain?" Musaki sounded worried. Esqueezeme was glaring at me. "Focus girls, we do not need new shorts. We can battle this thing and avenge the fallen pants!"
Musaki coughed at my try at a joke.
"Not fucking funny, guys!" Esqueezeme was yelling at us now, but hey, everyone likes a poo joke. I stood up from my chair and drew my secondary bastard sword.
"Open the hatch Musaki, Esqueezeme get into position. Musaki you keep out of range."
"Where are you going, Sir?" She asked but I'm sure she knew by now. "To make it mad." I jumped out of the shuttle.
As I hit the ground a shock wave of electricity danced around me in a ten foot perimeter. The beast's arms flinched as the wave struck them. Electricity skittered along them as they shook from the attack.
"Now Esqueezeme!"
A Red beam shot out of the still open hatch. The beam slammed into the left head. The beast roared as the arm sank away into sands. The right arm swung it's hand at me and I jumped away my wings appeared and I rose up into the air, deflecting the swing with my bastard sword as I did so. An idea struck me mid flight. As I reached an high enough altitude, I let myself fall back towards the ground my bastard sword pointed down. The monstrously large beast looked up at me as I plummeted back to earth. My wings gave off a golden light, making me look like I was on fire. I streaked towards it like a comet from space. The beast roared and opened it's arm to swat me from the sky, but I was ready for that. I used the wind tunnel that the attempt created to dodge around the arm, circling it as I spiraled closer to the main body. Lightning danced along the blade in my hand, I did a full body front spin and threw the sword the rest of the way, my wings opened and I hovered just above the main body. My blade shot down like an arrow from a bow. On impact with the nightmare fuel level beast, the blade shattered but it was enough to deliver the electricity into it's body. The thing roared as it was electrocuted. It wasn't enough to kill it, just piss it off. Another Red beam slammed into the right head and it sank to the sands to lay next to it's counterpart. "Musaki fire now!" The guns on the shuttle lit it up. The thing was turning into swiss cheese and a last beam from Esqueezeme's rifle finished it off.
I stared down at it's sinking corpse, and I had the most beautiful thought. "Newind, retrieve the corpse, I want it."
"Why for the love of the pants we lost do we need it!?" Musaki was looking at me like I lost my mind. "Nightmare fuel is always welcome." I flew back into the shuttle's open hatch. "It would make an excellent addition to my treasure vault."
The corpse of this beast would be a crowning piece for my growing wealth.
I stood in the hanger and watched as the corpse was brought aboard my ship. My crew of mechanics were yelling at eachother as it was dragged to an open area clear of any shuttles. My smile was terrorizing the cadets but what do I care? I got a big lawn ornament for my vault. "I want my vault redesigned to have an entrance directly from my quarters. The only one allowed into the vault is me. Musaki, work with Newind on the design, that will be just the start of my trophies." I turned away from it and headed to the bridge.
A.N//
{Sorry for the long wait guys, I hope you enjoyed this largely exaggerated poo joke.}