Dinner should have been easier but it was not. The great hall was quieter now that the guests had gone, though the long tables were still covered with enough food to feed half of Asgard. The wedding feast had left behind roasted meats, fruits, breads, sweet cakes and countless dishes that neither Eirlys nor Loki had any real interest in touching. They had barely eaten properly for days, and somehow, after everything that had happened, their appetite had disappeared almost completely. Eirlys sat beside Loki, staring at the plate before her as though it belonged to someone else. Every now and then, she forced herself to take a small bite, mostly so nobody would notice how little she was eating.
Loki seemed no more interested in his own meal, but unlike her, he did not appear restless. His hand rested on her thigh beneath the table, and that was all. He wasn't moving it. He wasn't teasing her or trying to draw attention to himself. His palm simply rested there, warm and steady, as though he knew exactly how close she was to losing control and had decided that she didn't need another question thrown at her. She appreciated it more than she could explain. Eirlys swallowed another bite and glanced toward the other end of the hall, Thor was there. She immediately looked back down at her plate. She hated herself for doing that.
It was supposed to be her wedding night. Her husband was sitting beside her, his hand quietly reminding her that she wasn't alone, and yet she could barely stop herself from watching his brother from the corner of her eye. Every time Thor moved, laughed, spoke to someone or even lifted his cup, she noticed. It was becoming unbearable. Eirlys pressed her fingers against the edge of her plate and breathed slowly through her nose. She could feel everything building inside her, all the guilt, confusion, anger and sadness she had been forcing down for days. She had smiled through the ceremony. She had spoken to guests. She had stood beside Loki and kissed him in front of everyone. She had watched Thor announce that he wanted to leave for Midgard with Jane.
And somehow, she was still thinking about him. Her eyes drifted toward Loki, who was watching her now. Not accusingly or even curiously. There was simply a quiet understanding in his expression that made her chest tighten. She looked down at his hand on her thigh. Her husband, her wedding, her wedding night, and she was sitting there mentally falling apart over his brother. What the hell was wrong with her?
Eirlys closed her eyes for half a second, desperately trying to collect herself. She couldn't let anyone see this side of her. She was supposed to be composed, especially tonight. She was a princess, a bride, Loki's wife, and the person everyone expected to hold herself together when everything around her became complicated. But she was barely holding it in. She suddenly pushed her fork around the plate without actually eating anything.
Loki's thumb shifted once, barely brushing against the fabric of her gown before becoming still again, the small gesture nearly broke her. Because he wasn't demanding anything from her. He wasn't asking why she was distracted. He wasn't reminding her of what she had promised him. He was simply there. Eirlys turned her face slightly toward him. Loki gave her the faintest smile. She returned it, though hers trembled at the edges. For a moment, she let herself lean just slightly closer to him. Maybe she couldn't solve everything tonight, she didn't even know what she wanted anymore. But she knew one thing, she could not keep pretending that nothing was wrong. Not forever.
Eirlys waited until most of the plates had been cleared before finally turning toward Loki. The noise around them had softened considerably, with servants moving quietly between the tables and the remaining guests slowly beginning to disappear toward their chambers. She could feel the exhaustion settling into her bones, but the thought of going upstairs with everyone watching them made her stomach twist.
She glanced at Loki, then lowered her voice. "Could you stay here for a little while?"
Loki looked at her, surprised. "Of course. Why?"
She hesitated before giving him a small, almost embarrassed smile. "If I leave now, everyone will notice. It would look rather strange if I suddenly disappeared from my own wedding feast."
Loki understood immediately. His expression softened. "You don't have to explain."
"I know." She gave his hand a brief squeeze beneath the table. "Just… stay until everyone retires. I'll go."
He nodded without question and that small understanding made something inside her loosen. Eirlys waited a little longer, pretending to listen to one of the older guests speaking nearby, until she finally decided she had endured enough. She excused herself politely, stood from the table and made her way through the corridor toward the chambers that had once belonged to Loki. Only now, they belonged to both of them. The thought should have made her smile. Instead, she merely sighed.
She opened the door and stepped inside, expecting, for once, to find some peace. She was immediately proven wrong. Sif was already there. So were Fandral, Hogun and Volstagg. Eirlys stopped in the doorway. Sif was sitting comfortably near the fireplace, while Volstagg had apparently decided that an entire jug of mead was necessary for the evening. Fandral was shuffling a deck of cards between his fingers, and Hogun sat beside him with the expression of a man who had already accepted that he would probably lose.
Eirlys stared at them. "What are you doing here?"
Volstagg lifted the jug. "Saving you from a terrible wedding night."
She blinked at that statement making Sif roll her eyes. "Ignore him."
Fandral grinned. "We thought you might need us."
"I am married now."
"Yes," Sif said calmly. "And?"
Eirlys looked at them for another moment before a reluctant laugh escaped her. It was exactly the sort of thing they used to do when they were younger. Whenever one of them had been upset, frustrated or simply exhausted after a long day, Sif would somehow appear with the Warriors Three, someone would bring mead, someone else would find cards, and before long they would be sitting around together until whatever had been bothering them no longer felt quite so enormous. Apparently, marriage had not changed that tradition.
Eirlys closed the door behind herself and walked farther into the room. "You do realize this is supposed to be my room now."
"Our room," Sif corrected.
Eirlys gave her a look, Sif shrugged. "Technically."
Fandral began dealing the cards across the table. "Come. Sit down."
"I don't want to play."
"Then drink."
"I don't want to drink."
Volstagg looked genuinely offended. "That is an outrageous statement on your wedding night."
Eirlys laughed again despite herself as she finally sat down beside Sif, resting her elbows on the table as Fandral pushed a card toward her. For the first time all day, she stopped thinking about Thor. Not completely, but enough. Sif noticed the change in her expression but wisely said nothing. She simply poured her a little mead and nudged the cup toward her. Eirlys wrapped both hands around it. Maybe tonight did not have to be about answers. Maybe, for a little while, it could simply be about the people who had known her before she became a princess, before she became a bride, before everything became so painfully complicated. She looked around the room at the people who had followed her through half her life, then she smiled.
"Fine," she murmured, picking up her cards. "But if I win, nobody is allowed to complain."
Volstagg laughed loudly, Fandral smirked, Hogun merely raised his cup, and Sif leaned back with a satisfied smile. For a little while, Eirlys let herself forget that she was a bride, a princess, or the woman caught between two brothers. For now, she was simply Eirlys again.
Thor ended up joining them not long after, claiming he had only come because Fandral had apparently been cheating at cards. Nobody believed him. Eirlys glanced up when he entered, surprised to see him there, while Thor gave her a small smile before taking a seat. He played along with their usual teasing and arguments, but his attention kept drifting toward Eirlys whenever he thought nobody noticed. He told himself he was only making sure she was all right after everything that had happened. That was all. At least, that was what he kept insisting to himself.