She smiled at them, having this last chance to see them and properly say goodbye was truly wonderful.
During this period, her spirit drifted aimlessly around, strangely enough, without much resentment in her heart. It felt like she had always known, even from a very young age, that her life could end at any moment and many things were beyond her control. It wasn't that she never felt bitterness, nor that she lacked longing; more than once, she wondered how wonderful it would be if she were healthy, with both a mother and a father.
For a time, she felt trapped by this yearning; she wanted her father and didn't want to watch her mother with unrelated people. It seemed a mockery to her, making her terribly unhappy. She couldn't understand why she couldn't have like other children; her own father, a complete family, like Brother Huan's family—a family that would be fine even if her parents weren't special, as long as they were together and happy.
She never could comprehend it.
