She let herself go completely because she lost him.
She felt it was unfair, why was she so miserable, while others could be so happy and carefree? She was jealous, she resented, and she loathed the unfairness of this world.
So she indulged herself, doing things that made her feel a sense of relief. Watching those people struggle in pain like her, seeing them living a life worse than death, she felt a bit of fairness. Look, with just a wave of her hand, many people in this world became as unfortunate as she was.
She forgot, she forgot what he taught her.
She forgot that he said not to seek revenge, but to live well.
How could she not want to live well herself?
But how could she possibly do that? How could she not hate?
The one she loved, the one she loved most, was killed just like that. She waited in this long passage of time, drifting without a home, how could she not hate? How could she possibly live well?
She couldn't do it, she really couldn't do it.
