Ren exited his apartment, shaking his head in bemusement while hoping the building would still be standing when he got back. He left Karin, Naruto, and Jiraiya in his living room after all.
After the initial theatre, the following talks became calmer. Naruto was still sullen. Jiraiya was still apologetic and awkward. And Karin was still glaring. But at least they were not shouting or throwing punches anymore.
In short, it was boring.
They had a lot of things to discuss, and Ren was there for the first hour of it, but then he found out through his telepathy seal that both Hinata and Ino had a free moment. The three of them quickly decided to have a picnic lunch, and in Ren's opinion, that ranked higher on the scale of importance than babysitting the Uzumaki and the S.O.S.
Ren leisurely walked into an empty side alley and teleported to the grassy plain that was his hidden training ground, only to see Hinata already setting up the blanket and picnic baskets full of food.
For a moment, he stood there, surprised because this was a bit too fast even for him. Then, he shook his head with a wry smile, realizing that she had it planned out way before she mentioned it.
"You are prepared." He commented as he walked toward her.
Hinata raised her head and looked at him with a small smile, "Always."
They shared a kiss before Ren started helping her to set things up. Ino showed up a few minutes later with the tips of her hair singed, causing both Ren and Hinata to curiously look at her.
"Shikamaru tried to set me on fire." Ino huffed with amusement, written in her face as she sat down on the checkered picnic blanket. "He is such a drama queen." She chuckled and reached into the basket for a sandwich.
"At least, he is not trying to poison you." Hinata rolled her eyes. "You'd think the Elders would get the hint after I drank the first poisoned drink and nothing happened, but clearly, they are not that smart."
"Why you let them get away with it, I'll never understand." Ren sighed, shaking his head before taking a bite out of his sandwich.
Hinata sadly smiled, "They are still my blood relatives." She said, only for her smile to gain a small, vicious tilt, "Besides, as childish as it is, giving them explosive diarrhea in retaliation has its own charms."
"Oh? So you know which one of them is responsible for the attempts?" Ino curiously asked, probably thinking about how to make their life hell on her terms.
Yes, Hinata had it firmly in hand, and she was already punishing them for it. But that was that, and this was this. Ino liked Hinata, and she wanted her own pound of flesh for the attempts on her friend's life.
"All of them?" Hinata casually shrugged, "I didn't bother to investigate. I get a poisoned drink, and they all get to spend their time crying on the toilet. I think that's a fair trade. If they don't want that, they'd better police their own."
Ino looked a bit put out, not getting a convenient target to vent her frustration, but Ren could see how fed up Hinata was with the Elders. Her attitude was dismissively cruel, but she clearly didn't want to properly deal with them.
Well, they were definitely arrogant enough that some humbling couldn't hurt them overly much.
Not wanting to speak about the Hyuga clan problems and actually having something important to tell them, Ren decided to change the topic.
"So, yeah... Konoha is going to get invaded." He casually said before taking another bite from his sandwich, eagerly watching out for Hinata and Ino's response.
When his words finally registered, Ino exclaimed a short, "Wha-!" before she choked on her sandwich and started coughing.
Hinata, however, just calmly finished eating what she had in her mouth before she gave Ren a searching look. Then, her eyes slightly widened, "Oh my god, you are not joking." She muttered with a small, hitched breath, and her eyebrows instantly creased in worry.
"Afraid not." Ren wryly admitted.
Ino finally recovered from her coughing fit and sprang onto her feet in alarm. "Invaded!? By whom!? When? How?" She started asking, and Ren was mildly surprised she didn't start pacing from all the stressful energy she exuded.
"Calm down." Ren sighed, but Ino didn't seem to listen, her freak-out continuing.
Getting annoyed, Ren kicked his leg at her shin, causing her instincts to flare out in warning as she snapped back to attention and sidestepped the attack.
"Hey!" She indignantly protested, but Ren gave her an unamused look.
"Are you calm now?" He dryly asked.
"Yes." Ino reluctantly huffed as she plopped down on her backside. It was obvious she was still nervous and wanted to freak out some more, but she realized that was not going to help in this situation.
Seeing that everybody was finally on the same page, Hinata calmly nodded, "Does the village know?" She asked, looking at Ren.
"I am reasonably sure they do." He admitted, "Jiraiya is in the village." That in itself would not be a reason for worry. It was the next part that was worrying. "And it looks like he will be staying in here for some time, too."
Make no mistake, he was not in Konoha for Naruto. He only came to Konoha whenever something major happened. And he never stayed for long.
The fact he planned to stay long enough to actually give some meaningful training to Naruto meant the shit was going to hit the fan. Anybody who had any idea how Jiraiya operated would realize that.
His position as Konoha's spymaster was not well known. It was one of the village's biggest secrets. Sure, every anime fan in Ren's previous world knew that. It was a big thing. But over here? People had no clue.
Jiraiya was this big, hard-to-miss, goofy pervert who didn't have a subtle bone in his body, currently on his grand tour of every brothel and bathhouse in the Elemental Nations in order to write his next smut book.
That's what was known about him.
He wouldn't be a very good spymaster if everybody knew, now, would he?
Nobody had any idea he was using his perversion as a cover to do his spymaster job. In fact, most people would laugh you right out of the room if you told them that Jiraiya had the position. His public persona was simply the furthest thing from suited for it.
Ino sputtered in disbelief for ten minutes when Ren told her about Jiraiya's job, and even then, she had a hard time believing it.
Jiraiya was a master at taking refuge in audacity.
And as a spymaster, he had to spend the majority of his time outside of Konoha. There were no cars or phones in this world. If he wanted to check up on something, he actually had to walk all the way there. If information needed to be sent somewhere, it had to be physically carried to that place by a courier or by a summoned animal.
But summoning contracts were rare.
Jiraiya had to walk all over the Elemental Nations to get to the main hubs of Konoha's spy network, which were usually placed in brothels. He had a nice, fun night with the girls there, secretly received the intel from the area, and then he had to go back to his hotel room to compile it. He had to personally verify the important bits. Only then could he send a report back to Konoha.
After that, he could walk to a different area and repeat the whole process.
This took a massive amount of time. Checking all the major hubs of Konoha's spy network could take him two to three years, and that was when he didn't have clues on Orochimaru's whereabouts to check. The second he finishes his first round, he might as well start his second because he is already behind.
Of course, Jiraiya was not the only person relaying the information to Konoha from these hubs. He was simply the most reliable one and also somebody who could verify things properly.
Because of this, it was not surprising that in the last sixteen years, the man was barely in Konoha for a few short visits. Missing critical information could cost Konoha a lot. It could cause a war. Jiraiya had a lot of responsibility on his shoulders despite acting like an irresponsible lout.
Anybody who understood that fact would freak out the second the man decided it was time to put all these responsibilities on hold and come back to Konoha.
His training for Naruto? That was a cover.
As cold as that sounds, it was what it was. Orochimaru was definitely going to pay attention to what Jiraiya was doing in Konoha. And seeing him play ninja with his neglected godson was not going to raise many flags.
Ren had no idea what Jiraiya was truly doing back in the village, but he wouldn't be surprised if Konoha had an inkling that something was up.
Mobilizing an army was not an easy thing. Doing it in secret was pretty much impossible. Konoha might not know that they are the target. They might not know how or when. But they had to be aware that Suna was up to something. And the movements from Otogakure were definitely not missed either.
"Who will attack?" Hinata asked, still calm and focused.
"From what I know? Suna and Oto." Ren said.
Hinata nodded. "So, what do you want us to do?"
Ren only shook his head. "Nothing. I am only warning you so that you can make your own preparations. If we are going to be invaded, it will be during the last part of the Chunin Exams."
"Right. Because that makes so much sense." Ino said with a snort, her words practically made out of sarcasm.
And she wasn't wrong. With all the nobles and important people in the village, the patrols will be quadrupled, the wall defenses bolstered, the ANBU will be all on duty, and Jonin will be on high alert.
It's the stupidest and hardest time to strike.
Ren smiled. And that was why it was going to work so well, too.
"The village will be on high alert during the event." Ino continued, only to notice Ren's smile and furrow her eyebrows. She paused for a moment, "Wait. Is this going to be an inside job!?" She almost reeled back as she realized that, and her voice rose.
Because that was really the only explanation why an invasion at this time would pose a problem. Ren was happy that Ino caught on to what he was not saying.
Even Hinata flinched, her eyes snapping toward Ren in shock.
These games of intrigue were not her specialty. She didn't care for them. So, she didn't instantly put two and two together and needed Ino to spell it for her.
"Let's just say that there are some forces in Konoha's government that will covertly help the invaders and try to use the invasion for their own goals." Ren freely admitted. There was no reason to keep that secret. The girls knew Konoha was corrupt but deep down, they still wanted to believe it farted rainbows and sunshine.
This was a good, practical example.
"And these 'forces', their plan is counting on the invasion to fail, right?" Ino asked, tense.
Her tension only alleviated when Ren assured her that it was the case. It wouldn't make much sense otherwise. After all, Konoha being destroyed would not suit any Konoha politician.
"Can we stop it before it starts?" Hinata instantly asked, really not liking the prospect of her village being attacked. Even if they won, people were going to die regardless.
"Not unless you want to go on a massacre of high-level ninjas and Konoha officials, only to be branded an S-rank traitor on the same level as Itachi." Ren casually informed her, causing her face to fall.
Many ROOT operatives had genuine ranks in Konoha's military, and they were not low on the totem pole either. Killing them would weaken Konoha on the same level as the Uchiha massacre did, and good luck explaining it to the higher-ups.
Even if nobody found out, the village would still be in major trouble, and other villages just might pounce because of that.
"Dammit." Ino let out a sigh. "This is one of these political bullshit plays you warned us to not get involved in, isn't it?"
"Pretty much." Ren nodded, his lips quirking.
There was a whole lot more going on in the background of the upcoming invasion than the anime had shown. Sticking their nose into it might not be too dangerous, considering they were all S-rank ninjas, but Ren would still rather not risk it.
The Konoha ninjas and Jiraiya were already suspecting something, and he decided to hope for the best.
Hell, he would love to send a letter to Jiraiya, giving him a warning. But Orochimaru was one of those unpredictable chucklefucks who could easily decide to call off the invasion the second he sees any unnatural movement from Konoha.
Ren didn't want to lose his chance at taking the snake sannin out of the game because of some careless butterfly effect he witlessly created with rash actions.
It felt... crippling. And he didn't like to do nothing. But with all the effort he had already put into this plan? The sunk cost fallacy hit him hard.
He didn't know what the best course of action was.
"We will get through this together." Hinata pulled Ren out of his thoughts as she reached for his and Ino's hands, holding them tightly.
Ren and Ino exchanged a glance, only to smile and join their free hands.
"Yeah. Together." Ino agreed with an uneasy smile, making the gloomy atmosphere around them brighten a bit.
"Eh, it could have been worse." Ren breezily shrugged, taking it in stride as he supportively squeezed the girls' hands.
He knew it was going to get worse. Compared to the Fourth Ninja War, this little Konoha invasion was going to be a picnic.
"At least we have sandwiches." He added with a grin, making the girls collectively roll their eyes at him.