It's only 8 days till Christmas but here I am, about to give your day a touch of gloominess.
Every person has a dark side in them. But I wonder if mine was something that was born with me or something that my change personally cultivated.
I mentioned last time that reading is how I help myself feel various emotions. Sometimes I read those with light mood, normal, or heavy. It all depends on the mood. However, when I want to feel pleasure, my taste for the reads gradually changed.
As my age got older, my taste for r18 reads also gradually changed. I don't know if it is me getting twisted by loneliness but I really like those with the tags: obsessed lover/admirer, Stockholm Syndrome and rape combined. I like how the victim struggles to escape and stay sane but still can't escape from his captor. Even before writing this, I was reading a yaoi doujinshi manga with that very tag and got inspired to write this topic.
I don't know if this was personal preference/fetish in reads from the very start or if it just began after I slowly (unknowingly) isolated myself from the outside world.
I began to think of how awesome it would have been if I have someone like that. Someone who would choose everything for me and would not make me escape from his side. Hah. How nice would that be? My heart's beating so fast just thinking about it. But of course that someone has to be someone who's beauty atleast equals mine or maybe even higher. Sigh. How ideal.
Say, there has to be someone among you who are reading that has darkness that equals mine right?
This is also a secret of mine that no one knew. I was planning on consulting to a psychologist/psychiatrist about these dark thoughts but I'm dirt poor. Don't you think you should also consult a professional if your circumstances are the same as mine?