Adel's words stung her hard. While she did say to Lord Fredrick that no one was to blame and that they needed to focus on the future, that did not absolve her of her guilt. The truth was that she brought her friends and guards to the mountains, ignored the warnings, and sent everyone into extreme danger. Many of them survived to tell the tale. That was the silver lining. However, others passed away, dying pitifully in the caves. Their corpses would never see the light of day. How could Elizabeth treat that as inconsequential? She could not. Even after seeing hundreds of thousands of people dead in the war, this was something that stuck with her. What would she tell their friends and families? How could she make it up to them? Could she ever? This burden would probably hang over her for the rest of her life.
"Power, huh?" she muttered as she stretched out her hand.
If she were as strong as Protector Avin, then this would have never happened. She could keep everyone she cherished safe. At the same time though, she recognized that power did not exist in isolation. Opportunity and danger always walked in tandem. There was no free lunch in this world. Thus came the question: was it really worth it? Maybe Nassandra and Adel were right. She could stop while she had the chance. Elizabeth looked at the window where she saw her own melancholic face. A deep sigh escaped her lips. She did not know what to do.
Regardless, her main goal was recovery for now which meant she needed a proper healing method. Bounded Wheel, the spell taught to her by Ten Dawn Iris, circulated Magic Energy inside the body to cleanse impurities. Shirley's recovery technique, Inner Breath, functioned in a similar way. Sadly, she was unable to cast spells at the moment due to the extreme damage in her Channels. Any attempt would likely lead to an immediate backlash. It was right to say she was half-crippled. Besides, she could not perfectly recall Bounded Wheel's Magic Circle anyways. It happened during that chaotic Siege on Yongtein where she almost died. Her memories were vague at best.
Elizabeth inhaled. While casting spells might be out of question, there were other things she could do. Magic Energy trickled out of her Core and flowed through a Channel. She hissed. It stung like a large needle pierced her skin, yet she persevered. She wanted to see how much her abilities degraded. Despite the pain, things were normal when her brow shot up. The Magic Energy she controlled suddenly vanished! This dumbfounded her. Her Channels were inside her body, so losing something did not make sense. She scoured the area with her Magic Perception, but no matter how she searched, nothing was there. It was really gone! Elizabeth was stumped.
Was it a consequence of her backlash? Or maybe she was too tired to notice? She had no idea. For her second attempt, she used more Magic Energy and concentrated, unwilling to let a single wisp escape her watchful eyes. However, like before, once it reached a certain point, she lost control and the Magic Energy unravelled into nothing. She started to panic. This was bad! Was her Core breaking down? Worried that she was losing control over her Magic Energy, she tried drawing World Energy in from outside. Thin streams of rainbow-colored light materialized around her. Her Channels took heavy damage, but it did not completely block World Energy from entering. The rainbow-colored light entered her body, circulated around her unblocked Channels, transformed into Magic Energy, and entered her Core. This process was exactly the same as before. No problem there.
She inspected her Core. A half-formed droplet of Magic Energy floated at the center of her Core, surrounded by thick clouds, a sign of Half-Condensed Drop. It appeared stable so creating and storing Magic Energy was okay. The issue was using it. Elizabeth pondered. She never heard of this problem before. More information was needed. For that, she bravely decided to continue experimenting. Her first two attempts used a tiny amount of Magic Energy. Her third attempt used double that amount. The same mysterious thing happened again. Elizabeth looked over her arms and legs, even under her clothes, to see if there was anything wrong with her body, but she felt fine. In fact, she felt better than ever. Her confusion increased. Where was her Magic Energy going?
After the fourth and fifth attempts went nowhere, she saw that the moon was already halfway up the sky. It was getting late. She blew the candle out and retired for the night. As she laid there, her thoughts wandered. Should her condition worsen, she would write a letter to the university. The Cisvernia Family was also an option. They might have the answer she needed. Asking Lord Avin Arcellius was her last resort. He had saved them in Yongtein and now the Mordrigan Peaks. She owed him too much. Minutes stretched into hours. Despite tossing and turning, Elizabeth found herself wide awake. It took her nearly half the night before she finally dozed off. Morning sunlight streamed in as birds chirped. She yawned and stretched, feeling oddly well-rested. The maids helped her change and brought breakfast. When she finished, it was time to try using Magic Energy again.
A trace of bitterness showed on her face several hours later. She did not know whether to laugh or cry. Her problem had fixed itself! While she was happy that it ended, she still wanted to know the cause. Alas, there was nothing she could do now. The rest of the day passed quickly. Her friends replied to her letters, letting her know their circumstances. Luckily, everyone survived without any permanent injuries. That lifted some weight off her shoulders. At the same time, she learned that a large number of Hochlaegen and Kreftig Families allied with Protector Avin to rebuild the Arcellius Family. It was not made public yet, probably due to Freon and Nassandra's recovery, so few knew about it. However, Elizabeth could predict this will ignite a fierce war between the Engelsheft Families! It had the potential to tear the Zino Kingdom apart. Her head hurt just thinking about it.
Come evening, she mediated in bed. The process behind Core Level advancement was straightforward: exert enough pressure on the Core to achieve a qualitative transformation. For example, she needed to compress her Half-Condensed Drop Core to form a true Condensed Drop Core! This required a constant flow of Magic Energy and a strong enough Magic Perception. It had been more than a year since she reached Half-Condensed Drop Core Level. Although the speed of her advancement was startling for anyone else, Freon went from a High Gaseous Fog to Low Condensed Drop in the same timeframe. She wanted to keep up. World Energy flowed towards her as Magic Energy revolved in her Core. Her backlashes did make it harder, but there was some progress, no matter how meager. That is, until she began losing control over the incoming Magic Energy. It started vanishing once more! Elizabeth quickly stopped her training.
"What is going on?" she muttered.
This amount of Magic Energy disappearing… was honestly scary. It needed to go somewhere. The only question was where? Her heart dropped. Her body was not going to explode, was it? No, of course not, that would be absurd, she thought half-convincingly. That said, if this ailment persisted, it would severely impair her ability as an Arcanist. Even if her Channels were fully healed, she would have no confidence in casting spells, especially in combat. Her dreams of Condensed Drop would end here. It was a depressing prospect.
"No, it's not over yet."
Unwilling to give up, Elizabeth tried again. She needed to understand why it was happening. The timing, the amount of Magic Energy, the Channels involved, her Magic Perception, Core Level, posture, and mental state… There must be a pattern somewhere. An hour later and there was a crudely written journal of every occurrence in front of her. She was slightly embarrassed by her poor handwriting caused by her injuries. It resembled a child's doodling more than a princess's handwriting… A maid could have helped her, but it was her preference. However, she did request literature related to backlashes from the university and had letters written to her friends. They might have suffered the same problem as her.