Jimin-ssi,
I miss you. You've always known how upfront I am. I always told you how I felt, and what I wanted. The thing is, I'd been telling you I liked you even when you didn't like yourself.
Perhaps it's hard for us to accept love when we don't think we deserve it. To me, you've always been beautiful. I did not care what you thought of yourself. I wanted you to accept my love anyway.
I never understood why it was so hard for you. Maybe I wasn't the prettiest girl at the studio. Ever since we started out as trainees, I know you always tried to compensate for the things you thought you weren't good at. But I never understood why you didn't return the feelings of someone who genuinely cared.
It's definitely competitive out there. There are so many people always telling us we aren't good enough, telling us we won't make it.
I'm proud of you today. You're learning to love yourself. And you're teaching others to as well.
But Jimin-ssi, today I needed you. Today I don't feel great. Today I failed. I don't really love myself so much. I always felt some kind of energy in me, like I could make it even if the world broke me.
The world did break me, and I don't think I can get out of this big, dark lonely hole I am in all by myself. The world is chanting your name today but all I want is the Jimin that I trained with through dark days and sleepless nights.
I know it was hard for you, but you made it to the other end where the light at the end of the tunnel is. But we didn't make it. The other girls in my group, they have families and other opportunities to fall back on but this was my one shot to make it or break it.
Jimin-ssi, please tell me how you did it? How did you get through the times where people didn't accept your art and your efforts?
Do you remember, all of us at the company put in that effort to make sure people attended your early concerts back in 2013...handing out flyers with you on the streets. We begged sponsors and we ran around tirelessly because we looked up to you.
And you showed us the fruit of that effort. But I guess it isn't written in all our destinies.
I remember you alone in the rehearsal room, trying to perfect choreographies that weren't in your main style. Your body is like water, pure and graceful, moving at its own fluid pace. But the dance you had to learn that day contradicted everything your body knew.
You sat in a corner and cried with blisters on your feet and I couldn't watch you from a distance anymore. I gave you my bottle or water, but you were so embarrassed that I found you like that.
But to me, you were the most beautiful thing ever. You have never had reason to be embarrassed, just reason to be proud. In that moment, I thought, if I tried even half as hard as you tried, I would definitely be somebody.
But Jimin-ssi, today my body won't work anymore. My body gave up once they told us we would never make it. None of my sisters want to keep pushing our music anymore, they've all left me alone.
The lyrics to your 'Serendipity' keep ringing through my head in your soft angelic voice.
*because destiny keeps getting jealous of us,
I'm just as scared as you*
I feel cheated. But I am happy for you, because it keeps me going. It gives me strength to watch you fly. Every time you smile into the camera, and let your tears fall as you tell your fans how much their support means to you, I feel you radiate thankfulness.
Because I know the pain you went through to allow yourself to be loved the way you deserve.
Please teach me now, it's my turn to be consoled by you.
Saranghaeyo.
*Just let me love you*
- The girl who always thought you were beautiful