Bella Pov
I sat alone in the cold exam room wearing nothing but a thin paper gown. The room smelled like antiseptic and made my stomach turn even more than it already did every morning.
The doctor walked in holding a clipboard. She was middle aged with kind eyes and short gray hair.
"Good morning Bella" she said with a warm smile. "How are you feeling today"
"Tired" I said. "And nauseous all the time"
"That is very normal for your first trimester" she said. "The nausea should start getting better in a few weeks"
"I hope so" I said quietly.
"Well let's take a look at your baby" she said. "Lie back and lift your gown just above your belly"
I did what she told me. The air in the room felt freezing on my bare skin. The doctor squirted cold gel onto my stomach and I jumped a little.
"Sorry about that" she said. "I know it is cold"
She pressed the ultrasound wand onto my belly and moved it around slowly. I stared at the black screen next to the exam table. At first I could not see anything. Just gray and black shapes that made no sense.
Then suddenly there it was. A tiny shape in the middle of the screen. And inside that shape something was moving. Flickering.
"There is your baby" the doctor said softly. She pointed at the screen. "And that flickering right there is the heartbeat"
I stared at the screen. The tiny flickering movement was so fast. So small. So real.
Tears filled my eyes before I could stop them. They spilled down my cheeks and onto the paper covering the exam table. I could not look away from that little flickering heartbeat on the screen.
"Oh sweetie" the doctor said. She handed me a tissue. "Happy tears I hope"
I nodded but I could not speak. My throat was too tight. The tears kept coming.
Happy tears. Sad tears. Scared tears. Angry tears. All of them mixed together until I did not know which was which anymore.
"Everything looks perfect so far" the doctor said. She kept moving the wand around. "The baby is measuring right on track for eight weeks. The heartbeat is strong and healthy"
But nothing was perfect. Nothing at all. My husband cheated on me. We were divorced now. I was completely alone. I had almost no money left. I was going to raise this baby by myself in a tiny apartment with no help from anyone.
How was any of that perfect.
"Would you like a picture" the doctor asked.
"Yes please" I whispered.
She pressed some buttons on the machine. A moment later a small photo printed out. She handed it to me.
I looked down at the grainy black and white image. My baby. So tiny. Just a little blob shape with that precious flickering heartbeat in the middle.
I clutched the photo so tight between my fingers that the edges started to crinkle. I could not let go of it. This was my baby. My child. The only good thing I had left in my whole life.
"I will see you back here in four weeks" the doctor said. "Make sure you are taking your prenatal vitamins every day. And try to eat small meals throughout the day to help with the nausea"
"Okay" I said.
"Do you have any questions for me"
I had a million questions. How would I pay for everything. How would I do this alone. What if something went wrong. What if I was a terrible mother. But I did not ask any of them.
"No" I said. "Thank you"
The doctor left the room. I got dressed slowly. My hands were still shaking. I put the ultrasound picture carefully in my purse where it would not get bent or damaged.
I walked out of the clinic into the bright afternoon sun. I stood on the sidewalk for a moment just breathing. People rushed past me on both sides. Everyone going somewhere important. Everyone with their own lives and problems.
I started walking toward the bus stop. Then I saw it. A huge billboard across the street. Damian's face staring down at me. He was smiling that confident smile I used to love. The ad was for his company. Roberts Enterprises. Building Your Future.
Rage boiled up inside my chest so hot and fast I thought I might explode. I stopped walking and just stared up at his giant smiling face.
He looked so happy up there. So successful. So perfect. Like he had not destroyed our marriage. Like he had not ripped my heart into pieces. Like he had not left me here struggling and alone and pregnant.
I wanted to scream at that billboard. I wanted to throw something at his smug face. I wanted him to feel even a tiny bit of the pain he caused me.
But I just stood there on the sidewalk with tears streaming down my face again. I put one hand on my still flat stomach.
"I will never let him hurt you like he hurt me" I whispered to my baby. "Never. I promise"
My phone buzzed in my purse. I pulled it out and looked at the screen. Damian's number. Again. He had called seventeen times in the past three days. I never answered. I never would.
My finger hovered over the answer button. Part of me wanted to hear his voice so badly it physically hurt. Part of me wanted to tell him about the baby. About the ultrasound. About the tiny perfect heartbeat I just saw.
But I could not do it. I could not let him back in. He would just hurt me again. He would just disappoint me again. He would just break my heart into even smaller pieces.
I almost pressed the button. My finger was right there. One tap and I would hear his voice.
Then I thought about Karen. About walking into my bedroom. About seeing them together. About how my whole world ended in that moment.
I shoved my phone back into my bag hard. I would not answer. Not today. Not ever.