Late Spring 1997
Sound: Thunder followed by a deep terrifying gasp
A swift lean upwards from slumber is what takes place with a beautiful young girl in her bedroom. An owl's hoot is what greets her amidst the rain that beats on her windowpane. She breathes in deeply, sucking in her petite frame, and the exhale that follows is labored with fear. She brushes back the curly wet hair from the eyes, annoyed by her shirt sticking to the body from the sweat she produce. She will soon pan about her room slowly, confusingly, and with hesitation during the stormy early hours. It is another restless night due to storms; the third this week. Unable to fall back asleep, she will eventually reach over to obtain a bottle of pills on a nearby nightstand. This has been her staple go to regarding sleep aid over the years, for the drowsiness it gives is unmatched. The dependency on these effects borders on that of addiction; a concept she faintly understands. No sooner as the pill enters her mouth, she will arise to use the bathroom's faucet for swallowing assistance. Before she can exit, she will be stopped in her tracks, startled by a silhouette of a man in front of her room door. The shadow figure is tall in stature, appears in shape by their outline, but the presence radiates a menacing vibe not visibly seen to the girl. 'What are you doing,' the silhouette asks in a groggy tone, like they have just awakened. The voice is familiar to the girl, it resonates a great deal of emotions inside of her. She knows all too well who they are; it terrifies her.
"Daddy," she says softly, innocently, and with a degree of fear.
"What are you doing up so late," her father says in a casual manner.
"Ju… just going to get a drink of water," she quickly mumbles, trying her hardest to remain calm,
"I uh… I'm thirsty."
"Is that so," he says calmly, somewhat humored, while simultaneously stepping into the light.
A handsome man stands before her, and his age is revealed from the wrinkles that appear from his smile. He moves closer to his daughter, close enough to feel her breath of panic, and is somewhat aroused by the fear he senses.
"Well… you should go get a drink then," he says with a calming manner, only negated by the grotesque sigh that follows.
"...Okay," the girl says with a great deal of hesitation, while slowly, cautiously, sidestepping her father to avoid his reach.
Her father only gives a little room to maneuver around him. She's forced to press up against him, the contact is unsettling, and she squirms inside from utter disgust. She is surprised of her father's behavior that very moment; he does nothing. She manages to brush pass him, and the relief hits her like a semi barreling into a Prius. The feeling is only for a moment. She will feel her right arm being grabbed; the pain it causes buckles her from the agony it brings.
"Just relax… nothing is gonna happen you wouldn't like," he says in an aroused manner.
This response nearly sickens the girl to the point of vomiting, but she will keep it together. Her father will gaze into his daughters mesmerizing hazel eyes, and he will find himself being enthralled and conflicted all at once. He knows what he desires to do is bad, it wars with his conscious in fact. It doesn't matter that his wish has already been achieved in the past, for his guilt bears down on him like a hydraulic machine compressing materials. Nevertheless, his wants ultimately win out. It is at this point where the girl loses herself in the first image she thinks of, and the visual will be that of a Blue Jay perched on a cherry blossom tree. It is her favorite animal, a source of happiness. The sight brings a sense of peace, her soul feels rested, but there is something more happening here. It's found within the bird's eyes; she closely examines them with childlike marvel. Nothing seems out of place, but it is the sensation the animal conveys. The bird's poignant gaze press against her emotions. The silent exchange takes her breath away from uncertainty. Sadness, loneliness, a sense of losing control; it speaks to her through the eyes of the Blue Jay. The exchange never waivers, never breaks, but it will be a stare down based on brittle trust. The feelings overwhelm her, she struggles to keep her gaze. She looks away in haste, the neck turn feels therapeutic, relieving in fact; a sigh is given once she feels normalcy return. Her surroundings blur in a flash at this point, and the atmospheric sounds muffle with it. It is the conscious of the girl returning to reality, sober, calm, but fully aware. Her body feels different, she knows what transpired, and her mood drops from the incident that cannot be recollected. She feels dirty, her hands shake in shame while redressing, and a sense of innocence being lost permeates her thoughts. It is not the first time she has encountered her father in the night, but it will be far from the last. The cycle will continue the next night, and the night after that. The continuous visits driven by an unquenchable urge, guilt that stays repressed, and a shameful pleasure found more arousing than any kink imagined. It cannot be stopped, no matter how much she protests, begs for mercy, cry aloud, or fight back; she is overpowered every time. It's emotional torture knowing that her father lays with her, but she has no memory of any encounter. Her mind protects her, she's too fragile to see the fresh imagery stored deep away every night. The alternative is the Blue Jay, a source of comfort that never appeared as such. Each daydream brings greater intensity from the bird's eyes; it conveys a message. It has never concealed anything from the girl, it reveals, it exposes, it lets her know how she truly feels that moment. It becomes too much for her after a while, she feels naked in her emotions, the pain settles in like surgery with no anesthesia. She begins to fear her own flawed protection mechanism, even to the point there was more comfort in the notion of staying consciously aware over spacing out. This concept will never see practice, for her father will enter a cool down phase. Her soul will receive rest, but her body not so much. It wouldn't be the cold unwanted touch of her father, but sickness that temporarily distracts her from realizing she's missed her monthly cycle. A discreet purchase of a pregnancy test will reveal she is with child; the news sends her into shock. She's mortified by realizing the baby is her father's, it crushes her spirits, and the panic of figuring out what to do next sets in. The goal is not to alert her dad about it, but the question of what to do down the road – she hadn't quiet figured that out. This will end up being the least of her problems, for her father will learn from the pregnancy test that was not properly disposed of.
"You cannot have that thing," her father sternly says to her in their living room with the test in hand,
"We're gonna get rid of it! You're getting an abortion."
The girl is without words concerning the decision made. It is not that keeping the child was ever something she really thought about; she never considered it in truth. With everything coming at her so fast, she still doesn't know how she feels, still confused, and she's still trying to figure it out. The will of her father goes as planned, and an abortion is taken right away. It's all settled in her father's mind, he is at peace with the decision, and it will be something that never gets mentioned again. Whatever feelings the girl has on this matter, they will get repressed for a time. She refuses to think on the matter for she knows the pain is there, she can feel it inside of her, and it scratches at the surface of her emotions. She tells herself she is not ready for that process, it will be too hard, too messy of an ordeal; it can wait. Even if she doesn't desire to search her feelings, some part of her does. That part of her doesn't wait, it doesn't check in on the girl's emotional state – no, it simply acts. Any means necessary, and the only way it can get through to the closed off girl is through her dreams. It will be a specific dream of the girl sitting in her dark bedroom, and it will be here where she'll be terrorized by the non-stop sound of a crying baby. Even though she scans the room shaken, fear gripping every head turn, she will never see what is producing the wails. The girl is paralyzed by fear to the haunting screams of a baby that does not exist. This frightening dream will awaken her in a frantic cold sweat, her breathing his heavy, and with no desire to go back to sleep. Night after night it will be the same dream, and there is no respite for the girl emotionally speaking. Though not fully understood, she will deduce that her current dreams are somehow connected to the recent abortion. That will be about as far as she will get in that - a mere assumption. Even with all this weighing over her, some quasi-good news is found in it all; it sounds more paradoxical when explained. The strange daydream of the staring Blue Jay has seized around this point, to the relief of the young girl. It was obvious she was not able to handle that scenario any further. She needed a break from the revealing stare of the bird, and her wish was granted. The replacement appears to be that of the crying baby, which is not an improvement. This dream creates a little more fear in her than the bird, it seems to be connected to a personal situation, and this nightmare just won't go away. It stays with her every night, only laying off once the girl is moderate to heavily sedated. No matter how much she believes the situation will pass with time, the nightmare keeps coming back, keeps frightening her, and keeps creating restless nights. It never fails, it will always be the scene of her sitting on the bed in darkness, gripped with fear, and listening to the terrifying cries of an unforeseen child.