While an average resident just pulled off the most legendary heist (for lack of a better word) in world history: shutting down one of the biggest fast-food chains in the world with a $19 Fortnite card, Jones was about to cross A Crossing, which went the opposite way from the Darien Gap, en route to McDonald's Island.
However, as everything in life was, he wasn't going to get let off easy. What Jones didn't know, or rather, no one knew, was that a hardened former ex-convict named Maestro ruled A Crossing. The minute Maestro spotted Jones trying to cross, he took a breath into his walkie-talkie and like clockwork, a bunch of big guys with AK-47's spawned in and pointed their AK's directly at Jones' skull.
Jones: "Alright- wait, the fuck did I do?!"
Maestro: "Do you have hard drugs?"
Jones: "I asked what did I do."
Maestro: "I asked if you have hard drugs."
Jones: "Answer my question first."
Maestro: "You answer my question or you're gay-"
Jones: "No, I don't."
Maestro: "Then no crossing for you, buddy."
Jones: "If you don't let me cross, you're gay-"
(a warning shot gets fired into the ground)
Maestro: "Remember who's surrounding you."
Jones: (realizes he is surrounded by a bunch of people with guns and gulps)
Maestro: "That's what I thought, bitch boy."
Jones, realizing he was outnumbered, outpowered, and too much of a little pussy to fight back, decided to surrender and fetch the 69 pounds of Columbian cocaine Maestro wanted from the rainforest, all while trying to dodge the verbal abuse the Darien Gap crossers were hurling at him.
However, of course, Jones wasn't gonna get the drugs easy. Why, you ask? Because Inside Source (he recognized him because of the little war he and Buck were having on Twitter) was getting chased by his wife and her friends, all wielding pitchforks and torches.
Inside Source: (running from his wife) "You fucked just about every male in our entire town, so is it only bad to cheat when I do it?"
Inside Source's Wife: "HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON ME ON DISCORD, YOU EVIL CHAUVINISTIC PIG, YOU PED-"
Inside Source: "SHE'S 18! YOU'RE JUST MAD THERE ARE BETTER WOMEN OUT THERE THAN YOU!"
Jones came to a suddenly realization, all the while Inside Source was nearly getting chased into multiple dead-ends. He caught Buck and Inside Source's Wife (allegedly) doing the deed every day inside Buck's office. Inside Source's Wife was just showering Inside Source with shit-ton loads of raw, hard self-projection.
Then all of a sudden, one of Inside Source's Wife's friends found Jones and his infant son and had the bright idea to use Jones' son as a hostage.
Inside Source Wife's Friend: (takes Jones' son, who is screaming and crying in fear, and holds a pistol to his skull) "You are going to help us if you want your worthless son to live-"
But Jones didn't have the time or the patience for this old hag's bullshit. With a swift motion, and without giving the tiniest fuck about false SA accusations, he knocked her soul out of her and got his son back. None of the wife's friends even bothered to stop for their friend. They were that focused on fueling the wife's ego and ending Inside Source once and for all.
Meanwhile, Jones took his permanently traumatized son and decided to actually find the drugs he needed to cross. Through the rainforest, he'd been told by ChatGPT there was one drug dealer that could get him the drugs that would be accepted by Maestro. Of course finding him would be a challenge in itself, but he had no idea whatsoever that would be as hard as he was about to find out.
First of all, ever since the patrol in the rainforest caught two kids throwing rocks at a tree, they decided they need to control literal every piece of land in the entire rainforest. I'm talking SWAT vans with machine guns mounted up controlling every blade of grass and every piece of tree bark in the forest, ten helicopters assigned to every tree leaf in the forest since apparently those could become crime scenes at any moment, hell, they even had an entire system dedicated to which coordinates who would watch and when, not to mention, they were throwing tear gas at birds for actually no good reason, although they claimed they were "sAfEty HaZaRdS". Once, one of the officers said "There's birds here" (No fucking shit, Sherlock) and all the officers mass-spammed pepper spray in the area.
Next comes the fact WiFi was essentially foreign in the forest. Without WiFi, there would be no such thing as Googling things, so it was a pretty good idea to search up safety stuff beforehand. There would be no ChatGPT, which meant every officer was basically fucked. 911 calls were non-existent, basically. And the most devastating of all... there were no games. Yes, that means no Clash Of Clans, no Roblox, no Minecraft, no Candy Crush, you name it, it can't be played in the rainforest.
Anyways, Jones' efforts were not in vain, as he managed to track down the high-school boy guarding the Columbian cocaine Maestro demanded, but then out of nowhere, the woman came back. You know, the one who held Jones' infant son hostage to fuel her friend's gigantic ego. And boy, did she want revenge since the police were able to disprove her false SA accusation against Jones. She tried to grab Jones' son yet again with one hand, and planned to use the knife she held in the other hand to end Jones' son as revenge, but luckily for Jones', a young man who had clearly been deprived from the Hub came behind and clapped her. The woman did a full 180 with her head, clearly intending to bitch-slap the man once he revealed himself, and dropped Jones' son in the process, and now Jones was finally gonna do his thing and get the drugs so he could cross to McDonald's Island.
He found the boy guarding the 45 pounds of Columbian cocaine, but he didn't have a price listed, so he was gonna have to rely on pure luck for that.
Jones: "Sir, can I have 45 pounds of Columbian cocaine?"
Drug Guarder: "Do you have $2000?"
Jones: "No, but I have a laptop."
Drug Guarder: "I only take cash, not material possessions-"
Jones: "It's permanently in incognito mode."
All of a sudden, the middle school boy wanted to make the exchange without the hesitation, appearing very fuckhappy and enthusiastic to hop back on the Hub (because of course he was).
Once Jones finally got out of the shithole otherwise known as the rainforest, he got Maestro the Columbian cocaine he wanted and in exchange Maestro gave him a Little Tikes Baby Boat. Little did he know the McDonald's Island owner had been warned someone was coming.