"You what?!!"
I put my palm to my ears dramatically. It is much too early to deal with noise but I know Xander deserves an explanation for why I returned with only the clothes on my back last night.
She was gracious enough to let me sleep without having to talk about it but her curiosity has gotten the best of her.
So here we are, two girls sitting on her bed in the darkness of the early morning.
"Can't we talk about it after you get back from work?" I groan and fall back onto the soft pillows, trying to escape the conversation.
"How do you fucking expect me to face Mr Thompson today without knowing the full fucking story?!" she shrieks.
I groan again, louder this time, when I hear his name. Last night, after finding out the Theodore Thompson I knew is my new employer, I ran out of his house as fast as my legs could carry. I can feel my face turn a little red as I think of what Mrs Jenkins and the children must think of me now. And him…
"Oh shit!" I sit up in bed immediately and ask Xander, "Will this won't affect your job? I know how much of a risk recommending me must have been."
Alexandra, my best friend since college, has good things going on for her. Unlike me, she actually finished college and has a life. She works as an executive assistant in a famous business company, a company I now know belongs to Theodore Thompson, and it would break my heart if she loses her job because of me.
She rolls her big doe eyes and says, "Fuck him. Are you shitting me? If I had known Mr Theodore, my amazing employer who is one of the most handsome men and eligible bachelors, is actually Teddy, the love of your life who turned out to be a fucktard asshole who ruined shit for you, I never would have made you go anywhere near him!"
I smile because of her sharp words but that quickly turns into a playful frown when she looks at me accusingly. "You! How the fuck did you not know who your employer is? I passed the nanny handbook to you and everything."
I fall back into the bed, not bothering to explain how I glossed over the part of the handbook describing the children and my new employer, preferring to come to my own impression of them.
"What am I going to do, Xander? I absolutely need this job to pay for the studio."
The plan has always been to work hard and earn enough money to buy a music studio and launch my career as an instrumentalist. But now I'm back to square one.
"Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I should just move back in with-"
"No bitch! You're going forward in life not back," Xander says encouragingly. She shimmies closer and lies besides me, taking my hand in hers.
"You're not going back there, Nova. Stay here, forever if you have to, and think of another way. You're not giving up on your dreams yet girl."
I squeeze her hands in silent thanks as the sun slowly lights up the room. In the silence that follows, I listen to her heartbeat until I drift away.
**********
As I stand in front of the music studio with my eyes fixed on the sleek glass door, the muffled sound of instruments trailing out fills me with excitement and determination.
In my mind's eyes, I see myself walking through these doors, instruments in hand and ready to create.
"One day," I mutter as I walk away.
On my way home, my mind drifts to my childhood and memories of love, laughter and music. There was always music playing, making it a huge part of my life.
Everyone around me back then knew I was meant to make music. I would tell anyone who was interested enough to listen about my plan. Study music, get a degree, and become the world's best instrumentalist.
Back when everything seemed so straightforward and sure. Before my life took a drastic turn. Before I met Theodore Thompson.
He was so confident and world wise, telling me about all the places he's visited and the things he did there, but he was also very kind and soft, Iike when he would look into my eyes like I was the only girl in the world.
And I, who had never even thought about having a boyfriend before, found myself falling head over heels in love with him.
My chest aches as I think about the months I spent with him, ignoring warnings against rushing into things, ignoring warnings against falling for a rich boy on summer vacation.
The night before he was to return to the city was the first night I slept out. We laid under the moonlight talking about our future together.
When he began kissing my body, I offered no resistance and fully surrendered myself to him, allowing him to bring me pleasure I had never felt before.
And that was the last time I heard from him.
Refusing to believe what was clear to everyone else, I ran away from home in search of Theodore. I tracked him down to his house in the city, just in time to see him walking out…with his bride.
And just like that, reality came crashing down on me.
My first taste of heartbreak was on a busy street in a strange city, alone and watching the man I loved drive away with another woman, his new bride.
If only that was the end of it…
I sigh deeply and shake my head, forcing away thoughts of the past. Theodore Thompson's involvement in my life all those years ago was a mistake and I will never be able to erase the consequences of trusting him.
But this time, I won't allow myself to make the same mistake. I have to resign the nanny position and stay as far away from Theodore as I can.
The more I think about it, the more determined I am. I won't let Theodore Thompson fuck up my life all over again.
"Excuse me, Miss."
I turn around in time to see two big men in dark suits get up from the bench they were sitting on and approach me.
"You need to come with us."