Hime noticed that I was feeling nervous.
(Wh-what should we do?)
I was very shaken, but fortunately Hime couldn't see my expression. I could still hide it for now.
So, how should I explain this?
It's not like I'm excited just because we're so close.
It wasn't because my cheek was being rubbed. I had been really calm until just now.
However, Hime's words made it difficult for me to keep my composure.
"It's gentle... I can smell Yohei-kun."
I don't even know why my heart is beating so hard.
However, Hime was simply reacting to the smell. For example, if the other person had been Hijiri, she might have been excited in a different way, wondering, "Does it stink?"
However, Hime was different.
Somehow, Hime has a mysterious trust in me that prevents her from calling me "smelly." I can feel her affection for me.
That's why it's even more confusing.
Why did that one word make my heart race so much?
I didn't really understand it myself and struggled for words for a while.
"I guess carrying me is putting you under strain... Your heart rate is rising."
Hime had a different interpretation.
Of course, I'm not tired. I'm not trying to force myself to say that Hime is light. She is really light in a physical and numerical sense, so I don't even get out of breath after just a few minutes of carrying her on my back.
However, that interpretation is...very convenient for me.
(If I join in, I can get away with it...)
This will prevent them from realizing how upset I am.
She can remain unaware that she is feeling excited about Hime.
But there is a price to pay.
"Um... please don't push yourself too hard."
Hime was concerned about her weight.
She didn't want me to think she was "heavy" so she hesitated to be carried on her back.
If you agree with Hime's words, it will inevitably lead to the conclusion that 'carrying Hime on my back was harder than I thought and my heart rate went up.'
Can you tolerate that or not?
Should I hide these feelings, even if it means lying and making Hime sad?
That was a choice that didn't even make sense to hesitate between the two.
"...Hime always makes me feel happy."
Quietly, he spoke.
There was no need to speak loudly. Because Hime's face was closer than usual, he whispered... and yet spoke clearly to her.
"It's strange. Thanks to you, I feel so at peace... but sometimes you make me feel uneasy."
"...Am I upsetting you?"
Hime still looks anxious.
Rather than being concerned about my sudden speaking, it seems she's more interested in what I'm going to say next.
Maybe he's afraid.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
She's afraid that I'll dislike her.
That anxiety was something that had to be dispelled immediately.
"Oh, sorry. That was longwinded... I just wanted to say that your words made my heart race."
Although he is older than me.
Unfortunately, I have almost no experience with the opposite sex. So I wanted to speak with a bit more composure, but it seems that was impossible.
Rather, I ended up being too roundabout and causing Hime to misunderstand. I'll reflect on this later.
For now, let's try to remove this child's fear.
"Not in a bad way. In a good way, it makes me nervous. Because Hime is so cute every time... how should I put it, sometimes my heart starts beating faster."
This time, I told him honestly, without any embellishment.
Even so, my expression is vague, but please forgive me for that. I myself still don't understand it, and I'm not even sure how to organize my feelings.
But Hime... she takes my words seriously.
"--Is it because she's cute?"
"Yeah. I'm excited because you're so cute."
"...So you don't dislike it?"
"Of course. There's no way I could dislike you... How could I dislike such a cute girl?"
I'm not talking about appearances. Actually, Hime is pretty cute too.
But more than anything, I'm drawn to her inner self. I'm deeply captivated by her adorable personality.
"So Hime isn't heavy. My heart rate isn't rising because it's hard to carry her. I'm just excited because she's cute."
Finally, I was able to say it.
I hesitated about whether to tell him, but once I did, it felt surprisingly good.
After all, I'm not good at keeping secrets.
I felt so relieved to be able to speak honestly and properly.