"Request denied."
Old Man Yama's eyes narrowed slightly as he addressed Sougo with a poker face.
"Huh? You old geezer, what the hell did you just say? I'm giving you a chance to rephrase that, and you'd better think carefully." ([Tongue click])
Hearing Old Man Yama's words, Sougo grabbed a fistful of his beard and demanded furiously.
"Hmph…"
Old Man Yama scoffed dismissively, not bothering to answer. He let Sougo grip his beard, maintaining his impassive, expressionless gaze.
Inside the Squad One Barracks, an old man and a youth were at an impasse.
"Old Man Yama! Are you going to approve this or not?"
Shifouin Sougo held the list in one hand and Old Man Yama's beard in the other, raising his voice.
"No matter how many times you ask me, my answer remains: Request denied."
Old Man Yama's attitude was resolute, as if he were stubbornly determined to thwart Sougo.
"You have to give me a reason why you won't approve it, right?"
Sougo looked at the unmoving old man—who no matter how much he provoked, refused to retaliate, as if he had Sougo completely figured out—and asked helplessly.
"The answer is simple: the number of Captains who signed your joint petition is insufficient."
This time, Old Man Yama finally answered Sougo's question.
"Insufficient?! What kind of joke is that? Captain Retsu Unohana of Squad Four, Captain Sōsuke Aizen of Squad Five, Captain Ginrei Kuchiki of Squad Six, Captain Shunsui Kyōraku of Squad Eight, Captain Isshin Shiba of Squad Ten, Captain Jūshirō Ukitake of Squad Thirteen, and myself, Captain Shifouin Sougo of Squad Two—that's a total of seven Captains! It's half of the Gotei 13 Captains! How is that not enough?"
Sougo huffed, convinced that Old Man Yama was intentionally making trouble and that he had sufficient proof of it.
"Insufficient."
Old Man Yama replied without hesitation.
"Insufficient?!"
Sougo's voice ratcheted up an octave.
"Insufficient."
Old Man Yama nodded gently, his decision completely unchanged by the shift in Sougo's volume.
"According to the Gotei 13 Regulations, Article 112: Any Captain seeking to implement an alteration to a regulation or ordinance that affects all Thirteen Squads must secure the support of every Captain in the Gotei 13."
Fearing that Sougo might yank his beard again, Old Man Yama explained before Sougo could speak or make a move.
"How can there be such a ridiculous rule? That rule is completely outdated! If a Captain is away on assignment or something, we just can't move forward? It needs to be amended."
Sougo's eyebrow twitched at Old Man Yama's words, and he grumbled in annoyance.
"Regardless of your displeasure, and regardless of how outdated the rule is, we must abide by the regulations."
Old Man Yama still kept his eyes narrowed, answering Sougo's query in a calm, flat tone.
"…"
"Fine, I'll go get all the Captains' signatures for you… But before I do, how about you, Old Man Yama, sign your name right here?"
A twisted smile spread across Sougo's face as he asked.
"…"
Confronted with Sougo's unsettling smile, Old Man Yama finally opened his eyes wide.
"Very well. But please, never let that awkward smile appear on your face again. It is beneath the dignity of the Shifouin Clan, one of Soul Society's Five Great Noble Houses."
Old Man Yama shook his head slightly. He truly couldn't stand Sougo's smile, which made even him feel a shiver of dread. He swore the last time he felt that way was a thousand years ago when fighting Yhwach, illustrating the sheer destructive power of Sougo's grin...
"Cut the crap, you old codger. Just sign your name here, quick."
Sougo felt utterly depressed that his hard-won smile had earned him a lecture from Old Man Yama.
"That's much better."
Genryūsai Shigekuni Yamamoto nodded gently after hearing Sougo's outburst. Having dealt with Sougo for centuries, often cleaning up after him since childhood, he was more accustomed to Sougo's mischievous side.
"Shh, shh, shh…"
Old Man Yama promptly signed his full name on the list: Genryūsai Shigekuni Yamamoto!!!
"There."
Old Man Yama finished writing his name and nodded with satisfaction. His thousand years of calligraphy practice were solid; among the entire roster, only Retsu Unohana could rival him in that field.
"Later."
With the Head Captain's signature secured, Sougo left the Squad One barracks without a backward glance. He simply couldn't stand being around the old coot any longer.
"The remaining Captains are newly-appointed Squad Seven Captain Sajin Komamura, newly-appointed Squad Nine Captain Kaname Tōsen, and the headache that is Squad Eleven Captain Kenpachi Kiganjō."
Sougo rubbed his temples in frustration. The remaining Captains were either people he hadn't had a chance to meet yet or people he actively avoided—none of them would be easy to deal with.
"No choice. I'll go hassle Kenpachi Kiganjō first, I guess."
After a brief deliberation, Sougo decided to head to Squad Eleven to cause trouble for a certain large man.
Inside the Squad Eleven Barracks, a man with dark skin, a full beard, and a build reminiscent of a reincarnated Zhang Fei, looked disdainfully at his Squad members' lackluster training.
"Keep working hard. If you don't put in the effort, how can you ever become my subordinates? Don't be unworthy of me, the strongest Shinigami in Soul Society."
Kenpachi Kiganjō had clearly begun referring to himself as the strongest in Soul Society and the most powerful Shinigami in the Seireitei. Having defeated an unnamed opponent, he now genuinely believed he was the strongest in the world. As for Kuruyashiki, who had stopped his duel with that opponent, Kiganjō was convinced that given another chance, he could kill him with a single strike.
"Hey, Fatty! I need to talk to you about something."
Just as Kenpachi Kiganjō was lecturing his subordinates, Sougo suddenly appeared out of nowhere right in front of him, speaking in a commanding tone.
"Uh…"
Kiganjō was initially startled by Sougo's sudden appearance. Sweat beaded on his forehead, and a flash of panic crossed his eyes before he gradually composed himself.
"Who are you calling 'Fatty'?"
Kiganjō's face twisted at Sougo's words, and a terrifying spiritual pressure erupted from him, like a ferocious beast.
"Slap~"
Sougo looked at Kiganjō, who had unleashed his spiritual pressure right in his face, and immediately delivered a hard slap.
"You…"
Kiganjō's spiritual pressure instantly vanished. His eyes were wide with confusion and bewilderment.
"Why did you suddenly unleash your Spiritual Pressure? You startled me."
Sougo, playing the victim, accused the other man of wrongdoing. He spoke with a look of injustice, as if he were the one truly scared by Kiganjō.
"You…"
Kiganjō pointed a finger toward Sougo's face, attempting to say something.
"Slap!"
As soon as Kiganjō pointed at his face, Sougo immediately smacked him with a backhand.
"Why are you pointing at me with your finger? Don't you know I'm timid? Pointing at me makes me feel very scared!"
Sougo, once again, put on a show of being the victim, as if he were the one suffering at Kiganjō's hands.
"I…"
Kiganjō listened to Sougo and pointed a finger toward his own face.
"Slap!"
When Sougo saw Kiganjō pointing at his own face, he delivered yet another hard slap.
"Why are you pointing at yourself? I thought you were going to slap yourself!"
Sougo spoke sternly to Kiganjō, acting as though his actions were for Kiganjō's own good, to prevent him from harming himself.
"Oh, right. I just remembered something the Soul King once said: If someone strikes your left cheek, you should offer your right cheek for the next strike. So, I apologize, but I still owe you three more."
As Sougo spoke, he raised his hand high.
"You…"
Kiganjō's face was filled with alarm. If he took three more hits, he'd be ruined! He quickly tried to speak to stop Sougo.
"Slap! Slap! Slap!"
Unfortunately, Sougo was much faster than Kiganjō anticipated. He didn't give Kiganjō any chance to speak as three hard slaps landed on Kiganjō's right cheek.
"That's better."
"That's perfect now."
After hitting Kiganjō a total of six times and swelling both sides of his cheeks, Sougo finally smiled slightly and nodded with satisfaction.
"What exactly did you come here for?"
Kiganjō was thoroughly fed up. He reached for the Zanpakutō on his hip, preparing to draw his sword.
"Slap! Slap!"
However, before Kiganjō could draw his sword, Sougo delivered two more slaps.
"What are you doing? Why are you grabbing your sword? Are you planning to cut me?"
Sougo fired off his fateful triple-question at Kiganjō.
"I…"
Kiganjō was speechless. He honestly didn't know what to do anymore. He couldn't win an argument, and he couldn't win a fight. So, what was he supposed to do?
"What do you want me to do?"
Kiganjō looked at Sougo with a pleading, miserable expression.
Truthfully, he considered himself a tough guy, but now this tough guy felt like crying. This was just too much…
"Sign here."
Sougo nodded gently at Kiganjō's words. 'See, why didn't you just do this earlier?' Sougo thought, and then pulled out his treasured 'Big Baby' signature list.
"Sign it."
Sougo tossed the list to Kiganjō.
"Damn it…"
Kiganjō, his cheeks swollen and red, reluctantly signed his name in utter humiliation.
Yes, Kenpachi Kiganjō had finally yielded to Sougo's campaign of slaps.
"Hmph Kenpachi"
Sougo sneered when he confirmed Kiganjō's name was on the list.
'This guy is a disgrace to the title of Kenpachi.'
"I'm leaving~"
Sougo smiled faintly and walked out of the Squad Eleven Barracks.
"You…"
Standing behind Sougo, Kiganjō saw his chance. He drew his Zanpakutō, planning to attack in secret.
The next moment, time itself suddenly froze.
Kenpachi Kiganjō's expression was permanently fixed in a ferocious snarl. Every single member of Squad Eleven stopped moving.
Not only them, but the flow of air, the collision of spirit particles, the friction between spaces—everything ceased motion.
"Hisoka, you must not rely too much on your Zanpakutō. No matter how powerful its ability is, you absolutely must not become overly dependent on it. You must always remember that your Zanpakutō is a part of your soul, yet it is not the entirety of your soul."
In Squad Six, where Sougo's rotation system was already in effect, Captain Ginrei Kuchiki was off-duty. He was currently in the Kuchiki manor, earnestly lecturing Kuchiki Hisoka.
While Hisoka's Zanpakutō's ability was incredibly powerful, virtually invincible against other Shinigami, it was not without its limits. Furthermore, its efficacy against enemies other than Shinigami was quite limited.
Moreover, a truly invincible Zanpakutō has never existed in this world... To be precise, every Zanpakutō has its limits, and no Zanpakutō can surpass its creator and namer. (Ōetsu Nimaiya and Ichibe Hyōsube's abilities are inherently tailored to counter other Shinigami, which is the primary reason the Zero Division is said to be equivalent to the Gotei 13's entire fighting force.)
"…"
After finishing his lecture, Ginrei received no reply from Kuchiki Hisoka. He frowned and looked towards Hisoka.
The moment Ginrei looked at Hisoka, his eyes slowly twitched.
In Ginrei's sight, Hisoka was completely frozen in place.
"Is this the forbidden spell, Time Stop?! No… No, that's not right. It's a more advanced Spacetime Stasis! Spacetime Stasis powerful enough to freeze a Captain-level Shinigami (like the level of Kensei Muguruma's power). As far as I know, only one person can use a forbidden spell of this caliber. Sougo, what in the world are you doing?"
Thinking this, Ginrei's eyes clouded with worry. After all, Sougo was his junior, and the Kuchiki and Shifouin families were close. He was genuinely concerned about Sougo.
"You think you can sneak attack me with that level of skill?"
Meanwhile, Sougo, who was the subject of Ginrei's worry, looked disdainfully at Kenpachi Kiganjō, who was frozen mid-swing.
Sougo wasn't a man who enjoyed killing. He snatched the Zanpakutō from Kiganjō's grasp, then made his way behind Kiganjō. He locked onto his target—Kiganjō's backside—aimed, and inserted! The motion was seamless. Sougo's practiced technique was unnerving; he rammed the sword in all the way.
The next moment, time flowed once more.
"Owwwww!"
The moment the Spacetime Stasis was released, Kenpachi Kiganjō collapsed onto the training ground floor, his butt in the air, letting out a pitiful, macho scream!
"It's in! It's in! It's completely through! Quick! Go to Squad Four and call Captain Retsu Unohana!"
Kiganjō was hunched over, clutching his rear end, letting out a series of agonized roars.