That Night
I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling like it owed me money.
I thought about this world.
A world where modesty is extinct and clothing is optional. A world that makes hentai seem like a documentary.
"I should just give up and give in," I muttered, defeated. "There's no point fighting an entire culture and religion based on... sex rituals."
My eyes drifted down to The Rod.
Yes, my trusty downstairs comrade.
"Maybe I should start... relieving it in women more often," I said, out loud, to myself. Which is a totally normal thing to say at 2 a.m.
Suddenly, the all-too-familiar voice echoed through my mind—the same one that had been harassing me like an overenthusiastic MLM recruiter.
"Congratulations! You have finally embraced this world. I shall reward you! This is preparation for you to become my champion!" the mysterious voice boomed, with the subtlety of a DJ introducing the next big track.
"Are you... the Goddess Velmaria?" I asked, trying not to sound like a confused call center operator.
"Yes! I am Velmaria!" the voice responded, full of divine sass and unearned confidence.
"Now, FEEL IT! This is my reward to you!"
Suddenly, energy surged through my veins like I'd just mainlined five energy drinks and a questionable protein shake. My muscles tensed. My abs tried to pop out of hiding. My rod—was evolving like a Pokémon on steroids.
I could feel it: I was stronger, buffer, and... disturbingly more endowed.
"Your body is now ten times stronger than a normal man," Velmaria declared. "Your rod can last 100 rounds of sexual intercourse without rest. Your love juice is infinite. And just a touch from your rod can make a woman orgasm five times!"
I blinked.
That seems... a little overpowered.
There had to be a catch. Divine freebies always come with strings attached—the Goddess probably want something from me.
"Thank you, Goddess Velmaria," I said, because saying "Please don't turn me into a public breeding stud" felt rude.
"Now... enjoy!" she whispered, her voice fading like an overly dramatic stage exit.
Well.
Guess I should sleep first...
and test my Rod of Ridiculousness tomorrow.